Sexual Wellness, Sex Education + Pleasure
Jennifer Litner
16 Ways Shame Shows Up During Sex and How It ...
16 Ways Shame Shows Up During Sex and How It Can Impact Your Relationship
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3 Tips for Creating a Healthy Relationship

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Healthy relationships are built, not automatic. Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship takes intentional effort. Yet, many people lack the knowledge and skills to build this kind of relationship because it is not usually explicitly taught. This lack of knowledge can lead to common pitfalls, miscommunication, and unmet needs, jeopardizing the relationship's health. This article will cover critical practices for creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  

1. Prioritize communication

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is nearly impossible to maintain a healthy connection without the ability to express boundaries, preferences, and disagreements. Regular, open dialogue helps to build a foundation of trust and understanding. When all partners feel heard and valued, they can constructively approach issues together. Sharing thoughts and feelings is the best way to develop a deeper connection. With healthy communication, you can tackle almost any problem that comes your way as a team. 

How to communicate effectively

  • Avoid yelling, passive aggression, and the (unexplained) silent treatment. If you need to, take a step back and use emotional regulation techniques until you are ready to have an effective conversation.

  • Focus on approaching the problem at hand as a team rather than thinking of your partner as an opponent.

  • Speak from the "I" perspective and how you are feeling instead of attacking your partner.

2. Develop emotional responsiveness 

A plethora of scientific research discuss how emotional responsiveness is fundamental to long-term relationship satisfaction. Emotional responsiveness is the ongoing, mutual maintenance of an emotional connection. Partners who are emotionally responsive tend to feel more secure and report a stronger relationship overall. Three key components of emotional responsiveness are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Accessibility means that partners are open with each other even during moments of distress. Responsiveness means that partners are in tune with each others' emotions and respond in a validating way. Finally, engagement is giving special attention to your partner. If you want to evaluate emotional responsiveness in your relationship, check out Dr. Sue Johnson’s questionnaire.

How to cultivate emotional responsiveness

  • Check in with your partner about the best way to support them during times of distress.

  • Make consistent small gestures like buying your partner flowers or doing the dishes after they have had a long day to remind them that you are thinking of them.

  • Reinforce the security of the relationship verbally, with physical affection, or acts of service when possible.

3. Clearly state your boundaries

Boundaries determine what is and is not okay within a relationship and are a vital part of any relationship. Not everyone knows how to set boundaries or even know what boundaries they need in the first place, so the first step is to figure out what you do and do not want and need. Effective communication helps your partner understand your boundaries; if they fail to respect your boundaries, that is a red flag. Truly supportive people who are invested in your well-being will be grateful for the guidance and respect your needs.

How to set boundaries

  • Be as clear and straightforward as possible, and try not to let discomfort interfere with establishing boundaries

TLDR

Creating a healthy relationship is not a destination but a continuous journey that requires maintenance. The journey is not always easy, but its challenges present the opportunity for growth and a deeper connection. If you want more relationship support along the way, consider reaching out to a relationship therapist.

What to Expect from Sex Therapy and How to know if it's working

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for individuals and couples looking to improve their sexual well-being, address concerns, and enhance their overall quality of life. However, questions often arise about its effectiveness and how to determine if sex therapy is making a positive impact. In this blog post, we'll explore the key aspects of sex therapy, including its effectiveness, common techniques, the therapy process, and when you should consider seeking a sex therapist. By the end, you'll have a better understanding of how to recognize that sex therapy is working for you.

Does Sex Therapy Work?

Before delving into the ways to know if sex therapy is working, it's important to address the fundamental question, does sex therapy work? The short answer is yes, sex therapy can be highly effective in addressing a wide range of sexual concerns. Whether you're struggling with sexual dysfunction, communication issues, or simply seeking to improve your sexual experiences, sex therapy can offer valuable support.

When Should I See a Sex Therapist?

You may benefit from seeing a sex therapist if you are experiencing or have experienced any of the following:

What to Expect During Sex Therapy

The sex therapy process can vary, but it typically involves several stages including assessment, goal setting, intervention, homework and self-practice, progress review, and closure and maintenance.

Assessment

The therapist conducts an initial assessment to understand your concerns, goals, and background. This helps tailor the therapy to your specific needs. They’ll be interested in how long you have been experiencing that which you are concerned about and the ways in which it is impacting your daily functioning. Also, there is often an exploration of sexual scripts (e.g., what we believe about sex and where we learned it).

Goal Setting 

You and the therapist work together to set specific goals for therapy, which provides a clear direction for your sessions. Many therapists have different approaches to the goal setting process. Goals can range from addressing the sexual concerns explicitly to exploring and processing the impact of life events that may be informing the concern.

Intervention

Therapy sessions may include various techniques and exercises to address your concerns and work towards your goals. For example, communication exercises encourage open dialogue about desires and concerns. Education and psychoeducation offer accurate information about sexual functioning. Sensate focus exercises promote sensual exploration without an agenda. Cognitive-behavioral therapy targets negative thought patterns and behaviors, while mindfulness and relaxation techniques alleviate performance anxiety and enhance overall sexual experiences. These interventions are adapted to individual or couple needs, aiming to improve sexual satisfaction and promote healthy relationships.

Homework and Self-Practice

You and your partner may receive assignments to complete between sessions, fostering personal growth and progress. These activities are designed to help you actively work toward your goals. This is where much of the growth and progress occurs, when you use what you’re learning through therapy to bring about change in your life. It’s important to acknowledge that people tend to vary on their pace of therapy as well.

Progress Review

Periodically, you and your therapist will review your progress, adjust goals, and fine-tune the therapeutic approach as needed. These are often referred to as progress check-ins. It provides opportunities for the therapist and client to lean into the therapeutic relationship by discussing progress, offering feedback, and highlighting strengths. In some cases, clients can shift into closure or maintenance while others collaborate with their therapist to create new therapeutic goals, if desired.

Closure and Maintenance

Once your goals are met, therapy can conclude with strategies to maintain your progress and address any potential future concerns. This can look like adjusting the frequency of therapy sessions. These “maintenance” sessions are meant to help clients transition out of therapy while continuing to engage with the changes they created during the course of therapy.

Basic Sex Therapy Techniques

Sex therapists employ a variety of techniques to address their clients' needs.

  • Education. Sex therapists often provide education about sexual health, anatomy, and the nature of sexual issues. Understanding the fundamentals can help demystify the challenges you face.

  • Communication Skills. Therapists teach couples effective communication skills to express their desires, concerns, and boundaries in a non-confrontational manner.

  • Behavioral Techniques. Behavioral techniques may involve exercises, assignments, or sensate focus exercises to help you and your partner become more attuned to each other's bodies and desires.

  • Cognitive-Behavioral Exercises. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is a valuable approach for addressing psychological factors contributing to sexual concerns. It helps reframe negative thought patterns and beliefs.

  • Sensory Awareness. Exploring sensory awareness can help individuals and couples become more in tune with their bodies and sensations, leading to enhanced sexual experiences.

How to Know if Sex Therapy is Helping

Your Communication Improves

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy sexual relationship. One of the first signs that sex therapy is working is enhanced communication between you and your partner. You'll find it easier to discuss your desires, concerns, and boundaries, leading to a more fulfilling sexual connection.

Your Comfort and Confidence Increases

Sex therapy often involves building self-confidence and self-acceptance. As you progress through therapy, you'll likely notice an increase in your comfort level, which can lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Your Sexual Dysfunction is Resolved

If you sought therapy for issues like erectile dysfunction, sexual pain, or low libido, progress is evident when you see tangible improvements in these areas. The ability to sustain an erection, reduce pain, or experience an increase in sexual desire are all positive indicators.

You Experience Greater Sexual Satisfaction

Ultimately, the goal of sex therapy is to enhance your sexual satisfaction. Positive results are visible when you and your partner report higher levels of fulfillment and enjoyment in your sexual experiences.

Takeaway

Sex therapy is a valuable service for addressing sexual concerns and improving your overall quality of life. Recognizing that sex therapy is working involves improvements in communication, comfort, and sexual satisfaction. If you're experiencing sexual issues or are simply looking to enhance your sexual well-being, don’t hesitate to seek the guidance of a qualified sex therapist. It can be the first step toward a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.

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How Parents Can Help Teens Navigate Social Media Safely

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In the digital age, social media is a ubiquitous part of life. People of every age use social media daily for entertainment, marketing, communication, and more. While social media has many great features that make it easier to stay in touch with loved ones, access community resources, and share opinions, it can also be a precarious place. As the digital world evolves, so do the challenges presented to parents, especially when it comes to safety and cyberbullying. Since social media is virtually unavoidable, banning your teen from using it is impractical and hard to enforce. However, there are steps you can take to help teens navigate social media responsibly and safely.

Online Safety Tips

Social media safety is essential for everyone, especially teens, because their brains are still developing. Teens are particularly susceptible to seeking social rewards such as “likes” and they are still developing self-control, and are more prone to trusting strangers, which makes them more vulnerable online. Experts recommend that kids under 13 steer clear of social media entirely and teens should not have unfettered, unregulated access to social media until at least age 16. Excessive or irresponsible social media use can lead to higher levels of depression and anxiety, exposure to cyberbullying, and sleep disruption. With that in mind, here are some tips for approaching online safety with your teen and how to regulate their use of social media.  

Talk about what information is okay to share online

Basic identifying information such as your address, social security, number, age, passwords, and phone numbers should be kept private. Teens need to be careful about sharing information like this because someone could use it to find more sensitive information about them. For example, a teen sharing a photo on Instagram and tagging their high school informs followers where to find them during school hours. Make sure your teen understands how information like this may pose safety concerns.

Emphasize safety over getting in trouble

One of the most crucial parts of helping your teen stay safe online is making sure they feel comfortable talking to you openly about their experiences. If your child is afraid to speak with you about uncomfortable or unsafe online experiences because they fear getting in trouble, they are more likely to end up in risky situations. When they do come to you with an uncomfortable situation, ask about their perspective, validate their feelings, and explain the risk posed by their behavior. If needed, invite them to think about what consequence they think would be reasonable. Try focusing on making this a learning moment instead of punishing them, which might prevent them from coming to you in the future.     

Configure privacy settings together

Privacy policies are wordy and long, leading most people to unthinkingly hit “accept terms” when signing up for social media. Still, it is important to be intentional about understanding privacy settings, especially with teens. Going through the app settings together is a good way to involve your teen in the process and emphasize the importance of privacy online. 

Increase social media literacy

Understanding how to navigate social media is important for anyone, especially for teens who are more vulnerable due to their developing brains. Teens might not be able to fully grasp the risk of irresponsible social media use and are more prone to being impulsive without regard for consequences. Topics like identifying misinformation, how much social media use is too much, and steering clear of interacting with strangers are vital to teach your teen. It will not happen in a single conversation, so it is important to have several conversations that coincide with your teen’s evolving relationship with social media as they get older. 

Set boundaries around social media use

Allowing your teen to use social media does not mean they have to have unfettered, unregulated access. Collaborate with your teen to set boundaries with their social media use. Ask which guidelines make sense to them, and explain the reasoning behind any parameters you establish. Some suggested boundaries include no screens after 9 p.m., no technology in the bedroom overnight, and no ‘friending’ or interacting with people they do not know in real life.

Takeaway

Social media is a powerful tool with undeniable benefits and risks. The rise of social media presents new challenges for parents concerned about their children’s safety. The goal is not to restrict your teen, but to empower them to develop a healthy, safe relationship with social media. Balancing your teen’s independence and safety can be challenging, but you can find the balance by implementing the strategies in this article. You can find additional resources below to support your journey in internet safety.    

Additional Resources

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