What to Expect from Sex Therapy and How to know if it's working

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for individuals and couples looking to improve their sexual well-being, address concerns, and enhance their overall quality of life. However, questions often arise about its effectiveness and how to determine if sex therapy is making a positive impact. In this blog post, we'll explore the key aspects of sex therapy, including its effectiveness, common techniques, the therapy process, and when you should consider seeking a sex therapist. By the end, you'll have a better understanding of how to recognize that sex therapy is working for you.

Does Sex Therapy Work?

Before delving into the ways to know if sex therapy is working, it's important to address the fundamental question, does sex therapy work? The short answer is yes, sex therapy can be highly effective in addressing a wide range of sexual concerns. Whether you're struggling with sexual dysfunction, communication issues, or simply seeking to improve your sexual experiences, sex therapy can offer valuable support.

When Should I See a Sex Therapist?

You may benefit from seeing a sex therapist if you are experiencing or have experienced any of the following:

• Sexual dysfunction (e.g., erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or anorgasmia)

• Difficulty with intimacy and connection with your partner

• Relationship conflicts related to sexual issues

• Lack of sexual desire or sexual satisfaction

• A history of trauma or sexual abuse 

• Out-of-control sexual behavior

What to Expect During Sex Therapy

The sex therapy process can vary, but it typically involves several stages including assessment, goal setting, intervention, homework and self-practice, progress review, and closure and maintenance.

Assessment

The therapist conducts an initial assessment to understand your concerns, goals, and background. This helps tailor the therapy to your specific needs. They’ll be interested in how long you have been experiencing that which you are concerned about and the ways in which it is impacting your daily functioning. Also, there is often an exploration of sexual scripts (e.g., what we believe about sex and where we learned it).

Goal Setting 

You and the therapist work together to set specific goals for therapy, which provides a clear direction for your sessions. Many therapists have different approaches to the goal setting process. Goals can range from addressing the sexual concerns explicitly to exploring and processing the impact of life events that may be informing the concern.

Intervention

Therapy sessions may include various techniques and exercises to address your concerns and work towards your goals. For example, communication exercises encourage open dialogue about desires and concerns. Education and psychoeducation offer accurate information about sexual functioning. Sensate focus exercises promote sensual exploration without an agenda. Cognitive-behavioral therapy targets negative thought patterns and behaviors, while mindfulness and relaxation techniques alleviate performance anxiety and enhance overall sexual experiences. These interventions are adapted to individual or couple needs, aiming to improve sexual satisfaction and promote healthy relationships.

Homework and Self-Practice

You and your partner may receive assignments to complete between sessions, fostering personal growth and progress. These activities are designed to help you actively work toward your goals. This is where much of the growth and progress occurs, when you use what you’re learning through therapy to bring about change in your life. It’s important to acknowledge that people tend to vary on their pace of therapy as well.

Progress Review

Periodically, you and your therapist will review your progress, adjust goals, and fine-tune the therapeutic approach as needed. These are often referred to as progress check-ins. It provides opportunities for the therapist and client to lean into the therapeutic relationship by discussing progress, offering feedback, and highlighting strengths. In some cases, clients can shift into closure or maintenance while others collaborate with their therapist to create new therapeutic goals, if desired.

Closure and Maintenance

Once your goals are met, therapy can conclude with strategies to maintain your progress and address any potential future concerns. This can look like adjusting the frequency of therapy sessions. These “maintenance” sessions are meant to help clients transition out of therapy while continuing to engage with the changes they created during the course of therapy.

Basic Sex Therapy Techniques

Sex therapists employ a variety of techniques to address their clients' needs.

• Education. Sex therapists often provide education about sexual health, anatomy, and the nature of sexual issues. Understanding the fundamentals can help demystify the challenges you face.

• Communication Skills. Therapists teach couples effective communication skills to express their desires, concerns, and boundaries in a non-confrontational manner.

• Behavioral Techniques. Behavioral techniques may involve exercises, assignments, or sensate focus exercises to help you and your partner become more attuned to each other's bodies and desires.

• Cognitive-Behavioral Exercises. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is a valuable approach for addressing psychological factors contributing to sexual concerns. It helps reframe negative thought patterns and beliefs.

• Sensory Awareness. Exploring sensory awareness can help individuals and couples become more in tune with their bodies and sensations, leading to enhanced sexual experiences.

How to Know if Sex Therapy is Helping

Your Communication Improves

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy sexual relationship. One of the first signs that sex therapy is working is enhanced communication between you and your partner. You'll find it easier to discuss your desires, concerns, and boundaries, leading to a more fulfilling sexual connection.

Your Comfort and Confidence Increases

Sex therapy often involves building self-confidence and self-acceptance. As you progress through therapy, you'll likely notice an increase in your comfort level, which can lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Your Sexual Dysfunction is Resolved

If you sought therapy for issues like erectile dysfunction, sexual pain, or low libido, progress is evident when you see tangible improvements in these areas. The ability to sustain an erection, reduce pain, or experience an increase in sexual desire are all positive indicators.

You Experience Greater Sexual Satisfaction

Ultimately, the goal of sex therapy is to enhance your sexual satisfaction. Positive results are visible when you and your partner report higher levels of fulfillment and enjoyment in your sexual experiences.

Takeaway

Sex therapy is a valuable service for addressing sexual concerns and improving your overall quality of life. Recognizing that sex therapy is working involves improvements in communication, comfort, and sexual satisfaction. If you're experiencing sexual issues or are simply looking to enhance your sexual well-being, don’t hesitate to seek the guidance of a qualified sex therapist. It can be the first step toward a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.

Individual or Couples Therapy? How to Decide What's Best for Your Relationship

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Relationships can be complex and challenging; sometimes, couples may face difficulties requiring professional help. When seeking therapy for relationship issues, it's common to wonder whether individual or couples therapy is the best approach. Both options can be beneficial, but it's essential to consider certain factors to determine which may be more appropriate for your situation. In this blog post, we will explore the differences between individual and couples therapy and provide references to help you make an informed decision.

Individual Therapy

Individual therapy, or one-on-one therapy, focuses on the individual's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and aims to improve their mental health and well-being. Individual therapy can be helpful for a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, and personal growth.

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy, also known as relationship therapy or marriage counseling, involves partners working with a therapist to address issues in their relationship. It focuses on the couple's dynamics, communication patterns, problem-solving skills, and emotional connection. Couples therapy can help address communication difficulties, conflict, infidelity, trust issues, and improve overall relationship satisfaction.

How to Decide What's Best for Your Relationship

Should I go to individual therapy or couples therapy? Deciding between individual and couples therapy depends on various factors, and carefully considering your unique situation is essential. Here are some ideas and references to help you determine which approach may be more appropriate for you and your partner(s):

1. Assess the Nature of the Issues

Consider the nature and scope of the issues you face as a couple. Individual therapy may be a good starting point if the problems primarily involve unique struggles, such as mental health concerns, personal trauma, or self-esteem issues. Individual therapy can help each partner work on their unique challenges and develop coping skills to impact their relationship positively.

2. Evaluate Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills

Reflect on your communication and conflict resolution skills as a couple. Couples therapy may be more suitable if there are ongoing communication difficulties, escalating conflicts, or a lack of practical problem-solving skills. Couples therapy can provide a safe space for partners to improve their communication, learn healthy conflict-resolution skills, and strengthen their emotional connection.

3. Consider Motivation and Willingness

Consider the motivation and willingness of each partner to engage in therapy. All partners must be willing to participate actively, be open to feedback, and work towards positive change. If one partner is unwilling or resistant to participate in couples therapy, individual therapy may be an excellent option to work on their challenges. However, it's essential to remember that couples therapy typically involves the participation of all partners to address relational dynamics effectively.

4. Seek Professional Support

Consulting a qualified mental health professional can provide valuable guidance in determining the best approach for your relationship. An experienced relationship therapist can assess your unique situation, provide tailored recommendations, and help you make an informed decision.

Takeaways

Deciding between individual and couples therapy can be significant for people seeking support to address their relationship issues. It's crucial to carefully assess the nature of the problems, evaluate communication and conflict resolution skills, consider motivation and willingness, and seek professional advice to determine the most appropriate approach. It's also essential to remember that each relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. With the right approach and professional support, couples can improve their relationship and achieve their desired outcomes.

Remember, seeking therapy is a courageous step towards improving your relationship, and various resources are available, including affordable options, online therapy, and community-based counseling programs. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed, and remember that you and your partner deserve support and care in your journey toward a healthier and happier relationship.

Why Do We Prioritize Romantic Over Platonic Love?

American society is obsessed with romantic love. From romantic comedies dominating box offices to holidays like Valentine’s Day to societal expectations of marriage as the ultimate goal, there is no shortage of conditioning to make people believe romantic love is more valuable and superior to platonic love. 

The philosopher Elizabeth Brake coined the term “amatonormativity” which, as defined in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law, “refers to “the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.” The narrative that one is not complete without a lifelong, monogamous, and (ideally, in the eyes of society) heterosexual romantic partnership is enforced around every corner. This leads to people who don’t want that or can’t find that to feel defective.

In reality, there is nothing inherently more valuable about romantic love. When pressed, it’s tough to even put into words the actual distinction between romantic and platonic love. Some people might say it’s the physical intimacy, but what about people who can’t have sex but desire a romantic relationship for a variety of reasons like asexuality or depression or a physical limitation related to having sex? Are those people and their romantic connections any less valid? Of course not. Frankly, there is not a single satisfactory answer for what differentiates romantic relationships from platonic ones because it’s such a personal experience.

The tricky part of defining the differences between types of relationships is the disconnect between the breadth of the English language and the internal experience of emotions, which vary from person to person. How do you universally define a feeling? You can’t really, and when you try, that’s how people end up feeling excluded when their experience doesn’t align with the socially-enforced expectations they’ve internalized.

Contrary to what American society expects and conditions us to think, romantic and platonic love are simply different and neither is better nor worse. Romance does not have to be a part of your social life in order to feel fulfilled and loved.

This conversation is further complicated by feelings that don’t fit into either the traditional “romantic” or “platonic” definitions of relationships. There are queerplatonic relationships, sexual relationships without a romantic or platonic element, and purely aesthetic attraction, to name a few examples outside the romantic/platonic binary. With the nuances and intricacies of human emotion, it makes sense that a simple binary couldn’t possibly encapsulate the realm of possibility for relationship forms. There are more options open to us than societal conditioning has led us to believe. 

The bottom line is that you should navigate your relationships and prioritizing them however feels right to you, your needs, and your loved ones. There is nothing wrong with being happy as a single person or prioritizing fulfillment in other areas of your life over romance, like friendships. Just because society is telling you that in order to feel fulfilled you need a romantic partner does not make it true.