3 Tips for Creating a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are built, not automatic. Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship takes intentional effort. Yet, many people lack the knowledge and skills to build this kind of relationship because it is not usually explicitly taught. This lack of knowledge can lead to common pitfalls, miscommunication, and unmet needs, jeopardizing the relationship's health. This article will cover critical practices for creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  

1. Prioritize communication

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is nearly impossible to maintain a healthy connection without the ability to express boundaries, preferences, and disagreements. Regular, open dialogue helps to build a foundation of trust and understanding. When all partners feel heard and valued, they can constructively approach issues together. Sharing thoughts and feelings is the best way to develop a deeper connection. With healthy communication, you can tackle almost any problem that comes your way as a team. 

How to communicate effectively

• Avoid yelling, passive aggression, and the (unexplained) silent treatment. If you need to, take a step back and use emotional regulation techniques until you are ready to have an effective conversation.

• Focus on approaching the problem at hand as a team rather than thinking of your partner as an opponent.

• Speak from the "I" perspective and how you are feeling instead of attacking your partner.

2. Develop emotional responsiveness 

A plethora of scientific research discuss how emotional responsiveness is fundamental to long-term relationship satisfaction. Emotional responsiveness is the ongoing, mutual maintenance of an emotional connection. Partners who are emotionally responsive tend to feel more secure and report a stronger relationship overall. Three key components of emotional responsiveness are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Accessibility means that partners are open with each other even during moments of distress. Responsiveness means that partners are in tune with each others' emotions and respond in a validating way. Finally, engagement is giving special attention to your partner. If you want to evaluate emotional responsiveness in your relationship, check out Dr. Sue Johnson’s questionnaire.

How to cultivate emotional responsiveness

• Check in with your partner about the best way to support them during times of distress.

• Make consistent small gestures like buying your partner flowers or doing the dishes after they have had a long day to remind them that you are thinking of them.

• Reinforce the security of the relationship verbally, with physical affection, or acts of service when possible.

3. Clearly state your boundaries

Boundaries determine what is and is not okay within a relationship and are a vital part of any relationship. Not everyone knows how to set boundaries or even know what boundaries they need in the first place, so the first step is to figure out what you do and do not want and need. Effective communication helps your partner understand your boundaries; if they fail to respect your boundaries, that is a red flag. Truly supportive people who are invested in your well-being will be grateful for the guidance and respect your needs.

How to set boundaries

• Be as clear and straightforward as possible, and try not to let discomfort interfere with establishing boundaries

• Habitually check in with your partner about their boundaries and avoid making assumptions about their boundaries 

• Make a plan ahead of time for handling boundary violations 

TLDR

Creating a healthy relationship is not a destination but a continuous journey that requires maintenance. The journey is not always easy, but its challenges present the opportunity for growth and a deeper connection. If you want more relationship support along the way, consider reaching out to a relationship therapist.

How to Make and Keep Friends as an Adult

When you are a child, making friends is relatively straightforward. You offer to share your toy, or sit down at someone’s lunch table, and you have your foot in the door. Being in school facilitates friendships for most people. Spending most of your time around the same people during some of the most formative years of your life makes it easier to make friends. When you are not surrounded by a circle of social opportunity, it becomes much more complicated to make friends. Sure, you might keep in touch with friends from your years in school. However, it is just as likely that you grow apart, your friendship styles end up being incompatible, or that the friendships just do not withstand the test of time, for whatever reason. Adulthood brings new obstacles to building and maintaining friendships like long distance, busy schedules that never seem to align, and romantic partnerships.  

TV shows like Friends, New Girl, and How I Met Your Mother seem to imply that every adult has a cohesive group of friends who do everything together and complement each other perfectly. When reality fails to match these expectations, it is difficult to not feel as though something is wrong with you for struggling with adult friendships. Rest assured, just because you are currently dissatisfied with the state of your friendships in adulthood, does not mean you cannot change it. It is very much possible to meet and make friends at any age. That is not to say that it is a walk in the park, and it will probably require venturing outside your comfort zone, but it is possible to find your people past your years in school. 

Where to Find Friends

The first step to making friends is finding people you are actually interested in befriending. Once you leave school, most people spend the majority of their time at work. This is a good place to make friends for those that work amongst and with other people, but with the recent rise in remote work, not everyone has the benefit of a social pool at work. Even if you do work with others, you may not work alongside anyone who shares your interests or who seems interesting to you. So, while work can be a good option for meeting friends in some contexts, what do you do if work is not an option for friend-making?    

Join social groups

Local social groups like book clubs, walking clubs, or workout classes are great ways to meet people with similar interests. This is a great way to make friends because you automatically have a subject in common that you can use to start a conversation.

Try using apps

People most often think of apps as a way to meet romantic interests, but there are apps for platonic connections too! Apps like Meetup or Bumble BFF can connect you with other people looking to build new friendships. 

Volunteer

Volunteering not only benefits your community, but it can also introduce you to people who share your values. Websites like VolunteerMatch can help you find volunteering opportunities. 

Take classes

Enrolling in classes or workshops related to your hobbies is a great way to meet people who share your interests. Similar to social groups, classes provide common ground to start a conversation. If paying for a class is out of your budget, check to see if your local community center offers any free workshops. 

Become a regular

Frequenting a local spot regularly (e.g., a library, cafe or restaurant) provides proximity and frequency which can facilitate connection. Seeing the same people frequently increases the likelihood of connecting with them and, even more importantly, maintaining that connection. 

How to Maintain Friendships

Though finding and initially making friends sounds like the hard part, maintaining those friendships is a whole other challenge. When you are inundated with demands for your attention and energy from work, family, health, and anything else you are responsible for, it is easy to let friendships take the backseat. While it is absolutely okay to drop the ball every once in a while, if you truly want to build your social network, you also need to be dedicated to its maintenance. Here are some tips for maintaining your connections:

Communicate expectations 

Clear communication is a requirement for any healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise. Being transparent about topics such as your capacity for spending time together or providing emotional support, dissatisfaction with a friend’s behavior, and what you want out of a friendship is critical to maintaining a healthy dynamic. 

Be present

It is okay if things get busy and you do not have a ton of time to spend with friends, but when you do spend time together, make an effort to be present. Stay off your phone as much as possible, be a good listener, and fully enjoy the time you have together.
Express appreciation and love

Even if you assume your friends must know you appreciate and love them, it is always nice to be reminded. Small gestures like a “thinking of you” text, surprising them with a coffee, and thanking them for what they do for you go a long way with regard to making your friends feel loved. Be the friend to others that you wish you had, and hopefully you will begin to cultivate the types of friends that you want.  

Takeaway

When you are building your social circle, the number one thing to remember is that you need to be patient. Interpersonal connection does not happen overnight, and not every connection will turn into a full blown friendship. It is hard to be patient, but without patience, you might settle for incompatible people which creates more pain in the long run.

Focus on quality, not quantity when it comes to friends. While having dozens of friends may sound great, most people do not have the time or energy to maintain that many fulfilling friendships. Research suggests people need three to five high quality friendships to feel fulfilled, but there is no right or wrong number of friends as the “right” number of friends is up to the individual. When you are trying to determine the amount of friends that is right for you, consider what you want from your social circle, and then you can figure out who to surround yourself with to accomplish that. Remember, feeling dissatisfied with the state of your social life does not mean that there is anything inherently wrong with you. Making friends as an adult can be intimidating, but you can build lasting friendships with patience and willingness to go outside your comfort zone.    

Additional Resources

• You Will Find Your People by Lane Moore

• Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

• Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make - and Keep - Friends by Marisa G. Franco, PhD

• How to Make, and Keep, Friends in Adulthood 

• 20 Simple Ways To Make Friends As An Adult, Recommended By Experts

• How to Make Friends as an Adult: 8 Best Pieces of Advice          

10 Erotic TV Series to Watch with Your Partner This Fall

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In intimate relationships, the concept of eroticism holds a special allure that fuels passion and desire between partners. While physical intimacy plays a vital role, psychogenic arousal is also important. Psychogenic arousal, often referred to as mental or psychological arousal, is the process of creating sexual excitement through non-physical means. This form of arousal centers on stimulating the mind, emotions, and imagination, making it a powerful tool for enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships. This blog explores erotic TV shows that partners can watch together to help build eroticism in their relationships. So, the next time you and your partner are wondering what to watch next, try something from this list!

Note: These shows contain explicit sexual content, nudity, and adult themes. Viewer discretion is advised, and it's important to consider individual comfort levels and boundaries before watching them together as partners.

1. Masters of Sex

Set in the 1950s, this show delves into the groundbreaking research of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers in the field of human sexuality. The series explores the complexities of sexual desire, intimacy, and the psychology of arousal. Through their studies, the show presents explicit and thought-provoking depictions of sexual experiences, providing couples with a deep understanding of the various facets of human sexuality.

*Available (for purchase) on AppleTV, Prime, and Vudu.

2. Outlander

Combining historical drama with elements of fantasy, Outlander follows the passionate love story of Claire and Jamie Fraser. The show features intense romantic and sexual scenes, often showcasing the profound connection and desire between the main characters. The vivid portrayal of their relationship and their exploration of physical and emotional intimacy make it an enticing choice for couples seeking an arousing and emotionally charged viewing experience.

*Available on Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Netflix.

3. Black Sails

Set in the golden age of piracy, Black Sails is an adventure-filled drama that intertwines thrilling storylines with erotic undertones. The show portrays the lives of pirates and their romantic and sexual escapades. Through captivating narratives and alluring characters, it combines action, drama, and sensual elements, offering a compelling viewing experience for couples seeking excitement and a touch of the “forbidden”.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

4. The Affair

This provocative drama explores the complexities of relationships and infidelity. The show delves into the intense emotional and sexual connections formed outside of committed partnerships. By delving into the motivations and consequences of illicit desires, The Affair stimulates discussions about monogamy, sexual exploration, and the multifaceted nature of human eroticism.

*Available on Paramount +, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

5. Easy

An anthology series set in Chicago, Easy explores the intricate web of modern love, relationships, and sexual encounters. The show portrays a range of characters and their diverse experiences with sex, intimacy, and desire. With its realistic and relatable approach to exploring human connections, Easy prompts couples to reflect on their own desires, fantasies, and the challenges of maintaining intimacy.

*Available on Netflix.

6. You Me Her

This unique romantic comedy takes an unconventional approach by exploring a three-way relationship. The show delves into the dynamics of polyamory, love, and sexual exploration. It navigates the complexities of jealousy, self-discovery, and unconventional desires, creating an enticing viewing experience for couples open to exploring alternative relationship dynamics and the boundaries of traditional monogamy.

*Available on Amazon Prime.

7. Sex/Life

This steamy drama follows the journey of a suburban mother who reflects on her past sexual escapades while seeking passion in her present life. With its explicit and visually captivating scenes, the show explores the complexities of desire, fantasy, and longing for excitement. It ignites conversations about rekindling sexual desire within long-term relationships and the interplay between passion and domesticity.

*Available on Netflix.

8. Elite

A Spanish thriller set in an exclusive private school, Elite explores a web of relationships, secrets, and forbidden desires. The show's intriguing plot intertwines with explicit depictions of sexual encounters, exploring themes of attraction, lust, and the exploration of hidden desires. Through its alluring and intense scenes, Elite provides an exciting and stimulating viewing experience for couples seeking suspense, mystery, and passionate encounters.

*Available on Netflix.

9. Sex Education

This comedy-drama series centers around a socially awkward teenager who starts an underground sex therapy clinic at his high school. Through its exploration of various adolescent sexual experiences, the show provides a mix of humor and thought-provoking moments. It delves into topics such as sexual identity, consent, and communication while offering insights into the complexities of human desire and relationships.

*Available on Netflix.

10. P-Valley

Set in a Mississippi Delta strip club, P-Valley explores the lives of the dancers and their personal journeys. The show portrays the sensuality, empowerment, and vulnerabilities of the characters, highlighting the role of sexuality and eroticism in their profession. With its captivating performances and intimate moments, P-Valley delves into the themes of identity, self-expression, and the pursuit of desires.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

Takeaway

Whether you and your partner are going for steamy, funny, mysterious, alluring, adventurous, or romantic, you’ll find it all on this list. Pay attention to those moments that make your brain and insides churn with sexual excitement. You can initiate sexual intimacy, sexy conversation, fantasy talk, or whatever else fun and new comes to mind to explore while watching binge-worthy shows. Finding new and fun ways to spice up your sex life is always worth it – give it a go and see what happens!