The Best Lubes for Sex (And Which You Should Skip)

The Best Lubes (And What You Should Avoid)

Whether you’re exploring new sexual experiences, dealing with vaginal dryness, or just want smoother intimacy, choosing the right lubricant can make a huge difference. Lubrication enhances comfort, pleasure, and connection, but with so many options on the market, it can be overwhelming to know which lube is best, and which to avoid.

As a certified sex therapist, I often hear from clients asking about lubrication: what works, what’s safe, and how to make sexual experiences more enjoyable. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the world of lubes so your intimate moments are safe, pleasurable, and worry-free.

Why Lubrication Matters

Lubrication plays a key role in sexual health and comfort. Common reasons to use lube include:

• Reducing friction and discomfort: Vaginal or anal dryness can make penetration painful or irritating.

• Enhancing pleasure: Lubes can increase sensitivity and make sex more enjoyable for everyone.

• Supporting intimacy: Less friction means less tension, allowing you to focus on connection and arousal.

• During menopause or perimenopause: Hormonal changes can reduce natural lubrication, making lube essential for comfort.

Even if you don’t typically experience dryness, lubes can enhance sexual experiences for both solo play and partnered activity.

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Types of Lubricants

Lubricants are generally categorized by their base ingredients, each with pros and cons. Understanding the differences helps you pick the right one for your body and sexual preferences.

Water-Based Lubes

Water-based lubes are the most common and versatile. They are safe to use with condoms, sex toys, and are easy to clean.

Pros:

• Non-staining

• Condom- and toy-safe

• Easy to wash off

• Often enriched with natural soothing ingredients

Cons:

• Can dry out faster, requiring reapplication

• May become sticky if overused

Tips: Look for products with minimal additives if you have sensitive skin. Examples include Sliquid Organics, Good Clean Love, and Slippery Stuff.

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Silicone-Based Lubes

Silicone lubes are silky and long-lasting, making them ideal for water play or longer sessions.

Pros:

• Very slippery and long-lasting

• Waterproof, so great for shower or bath play

• Less frequent reapplication needed

Cons:

• Not compatible with silicone sex toys (can degrade the material)

• Harder to wash off than water-based lubes

Tips: Use silicone lubes for anal sex or long sessions, but avoid using with silicone toys unless specified as safe. Popular options include Uberlube or Replens Silky Smooth.

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Oil-Based Lubes

Oil-based lubes include natural oils like coconut oil, almond oil, or commercial products. They can be moisturizing and feel luxurious.

Pros:

• Natural and often chemical-free

• Long-lasting

• Can double as massage oil

Cons:

• Not safe with latex condoms (can cause breakage)

• Harder to clean

• Can increase risk of yeast infections in some people

Tips: If using oil-based lube, opt for non-latex protection or non-barrier sexual activity. Coconut oil is a popular natural choice but keep in mind it may stain fabrics.

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Hybrid Lubricants

Hybrid lubes combine water and silicone for a long-lasting feel that’s easier to clean than pure silicone lubes.

Pros:

• Long-lasting without sticky residue

• Safe with most condoms and some toys

Cons:

• May still not be compatible with all silicone toys

• Slightly harder to wash off than pure water-based lubes

Tips: Great middle-ground for people who want the smoothness of silicone with the ease of water-based lube. Good Clean Love makes a solid hybrid lube.

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Ingredients to Avoid

Not all lubes are created equal, and some can irritate sensitive areas or disrupt natural flora. Here’s what to watch out for:

• Glycerin: While moisturizing for some, glycerin can increase yeast infection risk in susceptible individuals.

• Parabens and synthetic preservatives: Can irritate sensitive skin or mucous membranes.

• Flavored or warming additives with sugar or strong chemicals: Can cause irritation or allergic reactions.

• Petroleum-based products: Safe for solo play but can break down latex condoms and may cause irritation.

Tip: Always patch test a new lube on a small area of skin before full use, especially if you have sensitive skin or a history of reactions.

Lube for Specific Needs

Different sexual situations and bodies may benefit from tailored lubes:

• Vaginal dryness: Water-based lubes with soothing ingredients like aloe or hyaluronic acid are ideal.

• Anal play: Silicone lubes are highly recommended due to durability and extra slipperiness.

• Condom use: Stick to water-based or hybrid lubes to avoid breakage.

• Sensitive skin: Choose free-from lubes, fragrance-free, and minimal additives.

Tips for Using Lube Effectively

1. Start with a small amount: You can always add more, but too much can feel messy.

2. Reapply as needed: Especially with water-based lubes, friction can make them dry out.

3. Combine with intimacy: Lube is not just for penetration—use it during masturbation, foreplay, or even massage to increase pleasure.

4. Store properly: Keep lubes in a cool, dry place to preserve their formula.

Common Myths About Lubes

• “Lubricants are only for older people.”
  False. Anyone can benefit from lube, whether it’s to reduce friction, increase pleasure, or experiment with different sensations.

• “If it’s slippery, it’s safe.”
  Not always. Check the ingredients and condom/toy compatibility. Some slippery products may contain irritants or degrade latex.

• “More lube is always better.”
  Not necessarily. Using too much can reduce friction to the point where stimulation decreases, or make cleanup difficult.

When to Seek Professional Guidance

If you experience persistent dryness, irritation, pain during sex, or discomfort even with lubricants, a Chicago sex therapist or healthcare provider can help identify underlying issues. Sometimes sexual discomfort is related to:

• Hormonal changes (perimenopause, menopause)

• Pelvic floor tension or dysfunction

• Low libido or arousal issues

• Anxiety or relationship concerns

Working with a professional ensures you’re not just masking the symptoms but addressing the root cause.

TLDR

Lubricants are more than just a convenience; they can transform sexual experiences, enhance pleasure, and support intimacy. Choosing the right type of lube, understanding ingredients to avoid, and using it effectively can make a huge difference in comfort and enjoyment.

Whether you’re exploring new sexual experiences, managing vaginal dryness, or looking to make intimacy more enjoyable, a high-quality lube is a simple but powerful tool. And if you ever feel unsure or encounter discomfort, consulting a sex therapist at Embrace Sexual Wellness can help you navigate your sexual health safely and confidently.

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

The 10 Sex Questions Everyone’s Googling in 2025 (And How to Actually Answer Them)

Sex in 2025 looks different than it did a decade ago. People are searching online for answers to questions they’re too embarrassed, or curious, to ask out loud. From libido struggles to fantasies that feel taboo, these are the sex questions everyone is Googling.

As relationship and sex therapists, we’ve seen how common these concerns are, and how much relief comes from getting clear, honest answers. Here’s the scoop on the 10 most-searched questions about sex and intimacy and how to actually address them.

1. How Do I Have Sex? (Yes, People Still Ask This)

It may seem basic, but “How to have sex?” continues to be the top-searched sex question in 2025. Many people, especially younger adults or those entering new relationships, want guidance on technique, communication, and comfort.

The answer: There’s no one “right” way. Start by focusing on consent, connection, and curiosity. Exploring your body and your partner’s preferences, discussing boundaries, and prioritizing pleasure over performance can make sex more enjoyable for everyone.

2. Why Do I Bleed After Sex?

Bleeding can be scary, and it’s a common reason people search online. Causes range from minor issues like vaginal dryness or minor irritation to medical conditions such as cervical polyps or infections.

The answer: Always rule out medical causes first with a healthcare provider. If no medical issue is found, a sex therapist can help you address emotional factors like anxiety, tension, or discomfort that may be contributing to painful sex.

3. Is Masturbation Normal?

Despite being one of the most natural sexual activities, masturbation still triggers guilt or curiosity.

The answer: Yes, masturbation is normal, healthy, and even beneficial. It helps you understand your body, relieve stress, and enhance sexual confidence. If it feels compulsive or interferes with daily life, a therapist can help you find balance.

4. What Is Autosexuality?

Autosexuality is a term for individuals who experience sexual attraction primarily to themselves. It emphasizes self-love, exploration, and pleasure.

The answer: Autosexuality is a valid orientation. Embracing it can improve self-esteem and intimacy. If you’re exploring this identity, a sex therapist provides a safe, judgment-free space for understanding your desires and boundaries.

5. How Long Should Sex REALLY Last?

Many people worry they’re “too fast” or “too slow” in bed.

The answer: There’s no magic number. Sexual satisfaction is about mutual enjoyment, not minutes on a timer. Communicate openly with your partner about preferences, and explore what brings both of you pleasure rather than focusing on duration.

6. Is It Normal to Experience Pain During Sex?

Painful sex, or dyspareunia, is more common than people think. It can stem from physical issues like infections, hormonal changes, or pelvic floor tension, as well as emotional stress or trauma.

The answer: Seek medical guidance first. Then, consider therapy to work through any emotional blocks or anxiety. Together, these approaches can help make sexual experiences comfortable and enjoyable again.

7. What Is “Shallowing” in Sexual Activity?

“Shallowing” refers to light stimulation at the vaginal opening without deep penetration. It’s popular for people exploring different forms of intimacy or prioritizing external stimulation.

The answer: Shallowing can be deeply pleasurable and is a valid form of sexual expression. Experimenting with different types of touch can expand intimacy and enjoyment.

8. Low Libido? How to Turn the Heat Back On

A drop in sexual desire is normal across the lifespan. Stress, hormones, life transitions, and relationship dynamics all play a role.

The answer: Boost libido by addressing physical health, emotional wellbeing, and relational connection. Communication with your partner is key. A Chicago sex therapist can help identify underlying factors and create practical strategies to reignite desire.

9. What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

More people are curious about consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, or open relationships—but fear the emotional complexity.

The answer: CNM can be fulfilling if approached intentionally. Clear boundaries, ongoing communication, and emotional honesty are essential. Therapy can guide couples through jealousy, compersion, and navigating multiple partnerships safely.

10. How Do I Talk to My Partner About Sexual Desires?

Many people fear judgment or rejection when discussing fantasies or desires.

The answer: Approach conversations with empathy and curiosity. Use “I” statements, focus on what excites you rather than demands, and prioritize listening. A therapist can provide strategies to make these discussions easier and more productive.

Why People Turn to a Chicago Sex Therapist

Curiosity alone isn’t a problem; it’s a doorway to better sexual health. Working with a sex therapist helps you:

• Navigate awkward or uncomfortable questions.

• Address performance anxiety, low libido, or intimacy gaps.

• Explore fantasies and sexual identity safely.

• Improve communication with partners.

• Reduce shame and increase pleasure.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness we provide a safe, judgment-free space to answer these questions and guide you toward a more satisfying sexual life. Book your free consult here to get started!

TLDR

The questions people are Googling about sex in 2025 reveal curiosity, uncertainty, and a desire for connection. Whether it’s learning how to talk about fantasies, addressing painful sex, exploring CNM, or simply understanding masturbation and libido, getting clear, professional guidance can transform your sexual experiences.

You’re not alone in these questions and the answers are out there. Sometimes, the best way to get them is with a certified sex therapist who can provide personalized insight, support, and strategies for sexual and relational wellbeing.

How to Handle Sexual Performance Pressure in Relationships: Expert Tips from a Sex Therapist

Sexual performance pressure can be a silent strain on many relationships. Whether it's stemming from expectations of "perfect" intimacy or personal anxieties, feeling pressured to perform can affect your mental well-being and your connection with your partner. The good news? It’s completely possible to navigate this stress without taking it personally. In this post, we'll explore how to manage performance pressure, communicate openly, and build stronger intimacy with your partner—insights that a sex therapist would offer.

What Is Sexual Performance Pressure and Why Does It Happen?

Sexual performance pressure refers to the anxiety or stress you might feel about your ability to "perform" sexually, whether in terms of stamina, technique, or even physical appearance. These feelings are often rooted in unrealistic expectations—both personal and societal—that suggest there’s a “perfect” way to have sex.

Performance pressure can be caused by a variety of factors:

• Unrealistic Standards: The portrayal of “perfect” sex in movies, advertisements, and social media can distort our perceptions.

• Self-Doubt and Insecurity: Previous sexual experiences, body image issues, or the fear of judgment can all contribute.

• Relationship Dynamics: Sometimes, these pressures arise from one partner’s insecurities or the lack of open communication.

Understanding where these pressures stem from is the first step in addressing them.

Why You Shouldn’t Take It Personally

When your partner expresses concern about sexual performance or seems distant, it’s easy to internalize the issue and think it reflects something about you. But it’s important to realize that performance pressure often has little to do with your sexual attractiveness or capabilities.

A sex therapist might explain that performance anxiety typically stems from an individual’s personal insecurities or stress—perhaps a fear of inadequacy or frustration with their own body. This pressure is rarely about you as a person; it’s often more about what’s going on internally for your partner.

Takeaway: Don’t view performance pressure as a reflection of your worth. It’s more about what’s going on inside your partner’s mind.

How to Communicate About Performance Pressure

The most effective way to handle sexual performance pressure in a relationship is to talk about it. But not all conversations about intimacy are easy. So, how can you approach the topic without creating more tension? Here are a few tips:

• Be Non-Judgmental: Approach the conversation with empathy. Acknowledge that performance anxiety can be tough on both partners.

• Use “I” Statements: Share your feelings without blaming. For example, “I feel concerned when I sense pressure during sex” instead of “You always make me feel bad about myself.”

• Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability: Share your own insecurities and let your partner know you understand their struggles. Sometimes, it’s about simply listening.

Pro Tip: Couples counseling can help guide these conversations in a way that fosters understanding, rather than blame.

Couples Counseling: A Safe Space for Deeper Conversations

If performance anxiety or pressure continues to strain your relationship, seeking professional help from a sex therapist can be invaluable. A skilled therapist can help identify the underlying issues and provide strategies to resolve them.

In couples counseling, you’ll learn how to communicate more effectively about sex, tackle performance anxiety, and reconnect emotionally. This type of therapy allows for a nonjudgmental space where both partners can express their fears and desires without feeling criticized or misunderstood.

In sex therapy, you’ll also explore how emotional intimacy can positively impact your sexual experiences. A focus on emotional connection rather than just physical performance helps alleviate pressure and builds stronger trust.

Moving Beyond Performance: Building Emotional and Physical Intimacy

One of the most powerful ways to reduce sexual performance pressure is to shift your focus away from “getting it right” to simply enjoying each other’s company. Here’s how:

• Focus on Pleasure, Not Perfection: Reframe your mindset from trying to meet expectations to exploring mutual pleasure.

• Engage in Non-Sexual Intimacy: Emotional bonding can be just as powerful as physical connection. Spend time together doing activities that bring you closer.

• Create New Rituals: Start with simple, intimate acts like cuddling, kissing, or even just talking. This can help reframe intimacy as a shared experience rather than a “performance.”

Remember, intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection.

The Role of a Sex Therapist in Overcoming Performance Pressure

If performance anxiety is affecting your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out to a certified sex therapist. Sexual wellness therapy is designed to help individuals and couples work through issues like performance pressure, enhancing communication, and reigniting passion. A therapist can guide you through personalized strategies to feel more relaxed and connected during intimate moments.

TLDR

Sexual performance pressure doesn’t have to take a toll on your relationship. By understanding its root causes, practicing open communication, and seeking the guidance of a professional when necessary, you can navigate these challenges together. Remember: intimacy is about connection, not perfection. So, if you’re struggling with performance anxiety in your relationship, consider speaking with our team of Chicago sex therapists or seeking couples counseling to rebuild a fulfilling and pressure-free sexual connection.