What is Rainbow Washing ?

The pervasive nature of capitalism is such that it pounces on every and any opportunity to monetize content, and “pinkwashing” is a great example of this. Pinkwashing, sometimes also referred to as rainbow washing or pink capitalism, is a term that describes the commercialization of the LGBTQ+ movement and culture, especially surrounding Pride Month. 

Ranging from tasteless to blatantly harmful, pinkwashed products exploit a marginalized community’s struggle in order to make a profit. This is further complicated when it comes to organizations that go out of their way to support laws, politicians, and groups that harm queer people. For example, the telecom company AT&T covers their social media in rainbows and empty corporate slogans for Pride month while simultaneously making at least 327 donations for a total of $204,350 to anti-LGBTQ legislators since 2016 according to Corporate Accountability Action. AT&T is one of many examples of businesses showing superficial “support” for the queer community when it benefits them while going out of their way to harm it.

Another good example of the hollowness of pinkwashing is Walmart. They sell Pride merchandise and make a big deal of “Walmart PRIDE, Walmart Proud,” yet in 2015 they were sued for discriminating against queer employees by denying health insurance benefits to those with same-sex spouses. Walmart is another good reminder that these corporations do not care about the wellbeing of the people they exploit for profit.  

The problem with pinkwashing is less that the products merely exist and more so that it’s a superficial gesture that is often not backed with tangible support for the community. Unfortunately, big corporations almost never put their time and money where their mouth is because everything they do is in the interest of supporting their bottom line. The queer community isn’t the only victim of this marketing ploy either because corporations will jump on any opportunity to improve their image and churn out more products.

There is an argument to be made in favor of pinkwashing which is that even if it’s exploitative, it provides wider visibility and representation and therefore has the potential to fuel more tolerance of LGBTQ+ people in society as a whole. This, however, is simply not worth the hefty price tag of exploiting a community and its activism. Furthermore, oftentimes the merchandise in question is made to appeal to the niches within the queer community with significant purchasing power, meaning that the most marginalized people are still not being represented at all, harmfully or otherwise. The price of poor representation is far too steep to be worth the trade-off.   

This isn’t to say that you can never buy any Pride or queer related products but, if you’re able, try to patronize small, queer-owned businesses instead of large corporations. Here are some suggestions to get you started: 

• TomboyX (clothing + underwear)

• Wildfang (clothing)

• Feminist Apparel (clothing, stickers, mugs, bags)

• The Third Arrow (pins, stickers, cards)

• Fluide (makeup)

• PrideFlagSD (pride flags hand-sewn by queer people)

• QueerestGear (hats, patches, stickers, shirts)

• Autostraddle Shop (clothing, art prints, stickers, pins) 

• A Tribe Called Queer (clothing, candles, bags)

• Heckin’ Unicorn (earrings, pins, socks, notebooks)

Finally, keep in mind that while it’s great to want to display your pride with a piece of fun merch, especially if you’re supporting a small business, you absolutely do not have to buy anything to be part of the LGBTQ+ community or to participate in any queer events and celebrations.

Meeting your Partner's Partner: What to expect when you meet a metamour?

Metamour is a term relating to non-monogamy that refers to your partner’s partner. Whether or not you’re interested in meeting your metamour(s) is a personal decision for each individual and each polycule. Wanting or not wanting to meet a metamour are both valid decisions. That being said, consider practicing some self-reflection either way about the motivations behind your decision. If you do want to meet a metamour is it, for instance, because you want to exert control over their relationship with your partner? If you don’t want to meet them, is that discomfort rooted in insecurity or anxiety about your relationship? Knowing your motivations will provide you more insight into where your boundaries and comfort zone lie. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with your motivations can allow you the space to share and process those feelings with your partner so everyone is on the same page. For those who are interested in meeting a metamour, this article will serve as a guide for what to expect and address common concerns about meeting a metamour. 

As intimidating as the idea of meeting a partner’s partner is, the great news is that you already have something in common: caring about your partner! Furthermore, one of the most useful parts of meeting a metamour for many non-monogamous people, especially those who struggle with jealousy, meeting a metamour is one of the best ways to disrupt the idealization of them in your head that often makes them feel more threatening to you. Meeting them humanizes them.

Regardless of how secure you feel in your relationship, meeting a metamour for the first time is almost always nerve wracking. Here are some tips to make it as comfortable as possible for everyone involved:

1. Meet in a neutral location like a cafe or a park rather than someone’s home so that no one has the “home advantage.” 

2. Have an idea of how much time you’d like to spend with your metamour. Nothing has to be scheduled in stone, but having an idea of when you’ll part ways to process the meeting might help soothe your nerves and avoid awkwardness around the departure. 

3. Make plans with your partner both to talk about how the meeting went and, separately, something fun you can do together to nurture your connection.

4. Understand that your metamour is probably just as nervous as you and, if it would assuage your nerves, you can express that nervousness upfront. For example, you could say something like “Hi, I’m so glad we’re finally meeting! Full disclosure I’m feeling a bit nervous but I’m excited to sit down and get to know you better.”

5. Think about what relationship logistics you want to talk about with your metamour. You’re not obligated to do so but if you want to talk about things like safer sex practices, boundaries, and needs, you should plan what you want to express ahead of time so you can do it as reasonably and respectfully as possible.

There are a variety of possibilities for how your relationship with your metamour will develop, if at all, beyond the first meeting. You might end up best friends, or maybe just coexist peacefully and separately. The most important part is that everyone involved is communicating openly about their needs and boundaries. There is no one size fits all way to navigate this so if you’re being transparent with one another, you have the tools to tailor the experience to your specific dynamic.

Why Do We Prioritize Romantic Over Platonic Love?

American society is obsessed with romantic love. From romantic comedies dominating box offices to holidays like Valentine’s Day to societal expectations of marriage as the ultimate goal, there is no shortage of conditioning to make people believe romantic love is more valuable and superior to platonic love. 

The philosopher Elizabeth Brake coined the term “amatonormativity” which, as defined in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law, “refers to “the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.” The narrative that one is not complete without a lifelong, monogamous, and (ideally, in the eyes of society) heterosexual romantic partnership is enforced around every corner. This leads to people who don’t want that or can’t find that to feel defective.

In reality, there is nothing inherently more valuable about romantic love. When pressed, it’s tough to even put into words the actual distinction between romantic and platonic love. Some people might say it’s the physical intimacy, but what about people who can’t have sex but desire a romantic relationship for a variety of reasons like asexuality or depression or a physical limitation related to having sex? Are those people and their romantic connections any less valid? Of course not. Frankly, there is not a single satisfactory answer for what differentiates romantic relationships from platonic ones because it’s such a personal experience.

The tricky part of defining the differences between types of relationships is the disconnect between the breadth of the English language and the internal experience of emotions, which vary from person to person. How do you universally define a feeling? You can’t really, and when you try, that’s how people end up feeling excluded when their experience doesn’t align with the socially-enforced expectations they’ve internalized.

Contrary to what American society expects and conditions us to think, romantic and platonic love are simply different and neither is better nor worse. Romance does not have to be a part of your social life in order to feel fulfilled and loved.

This conversation is further complicated by feelings that don’t fit into either the traditional “romantic” or “platonic” definitions of relationships. There are queerplatonic relationships, sexual relationships without a romantic or platonic element, and purely aesthetic attraction, to name a few examples outside the romantic/platonic binary. With the nuances and intricacies of human emotion, it makes sense that a simple binary couldn’t possibly encapsulate the realm of possibility for relationship forms. There are more options open to us than societal conditioning has led us to believe. 

The bottom line is that you should navigate your relationships and prioritizing them however feels right to you, your needs, and your loved ones. There is nothing wrong with being happy as a single person or prioritizing fulfillment in other areas of your life over romance, like friendships. Just because society is telling you that in order to feel fulfilled you need a romantic partner does not make it true.