Ethical Porn: What Is It and How Do I Find It?

Porn is a great tool to enhance your sex life, but it’s also an ethical landmine. There is nothing inherently unethical about porn in a conceptual sense but unfortunately, in practice, the unregulated porn production industry is rife with exploitation and abuse. There’s sexual assault, racism, pedophilia, and unsafe working conditions, just to name a few. In light of this, there are some porn companies and individuals working to improve industry standards and produce porn ethically.

So what makes porn “ethical” or not? Ethical porn involves informed consent, performers treated with respect, safe working conditions, and fair compensation for those involved. These higher standards mean that ethical porn is rarely free, in order for the performers and crew to get sufficient pay. It’s important to remember that accessing porn is a luxury and privilege, not a right, and it shouldn’t be accessed at the cost of human exploitation.

In addition to production standards, ethical porn also often shows real sexual pleasure as opposed to it being over exaggerated, as well as portrays performers with diverse body sizes, races, sexualities, ages, and abilities. It’s important to acknowledge that because ethics are subjective, different people have different perspectives on what makes porn ethical. For example, some people might argue that fantasy content about dehumanizing storylines (e.g. hostile sexism), regardless of whether or not it was consensual, is unethical. The definition of ethical porn provided above covers the bare minimum requirements for ethical porn but beyond that, the definition is a gray area.

When looking for ethical porn, do research on the porn production company’s philosophy and standards. For example, some companies will include the consent process prior to filming so you can hear from the performers directly.

This might seem like a lot of work, particularly compared to simply typing in a keyword on PornHub and finding a video. And in a sense, it is easier, but it’s not better. Supporting ethical porn, especially when you pay for it, means you’re supporting sex worker rights and fair working conditions. Fortunately, we have recommendations and additional databases for accessing ethical porn for you! Here are a few of our favorite companies, excerpted from this Embrace Sexual Wellness resource page.

• Aorta Films 

• Bellesa

• Dipsea Stories

• Erika Lust Cinema

• Make Love Not Porn

• Pink Label TV

• X Confessions

And if you’re still seeking more suggestions, here are a few resources:

• Feminist Porn Awards

• List of LGBTQ+ Independent Porn Performers by WhatsMyBodyDoing

• Recommendations From QueerSexTherapy

It’s okay if you weren’t aware of the difference between ethical and unethical porn prior to reading this, and now that you’re equipped with this information you can support better porn and porn performers. Responsible porn consumption is an important part of a healthy sex life and hopefully these tips and suggestions will allow you to integrate it into yours. 

Curious About Differences in Desire? Here Are 3 Tips to Address Desire Discrepancy

Desire discrepancy is when the libidos of people in a relationship do not align. The two types of libido are responsive and spontaneous which differ in how your desire for sex is initiated. People with responsive desire experience physical arousal before mental desire, whereas those with spontaneous desire experience mental desire first and then the physical arousal. Mental desire is being turned on in your mind and wanting (either hypothetically or literally) sexual stimulation, while physical arousal manifests in your body such as getting an erection.

This binary of responsive versus spontaneous is helpful for understanding how one’s personal experience of libido compares relative to others; however, that is not to say that this type of libido is fixed or exists strictly in black or white. While many people do tend towards one or the other, libido is flexible and can change with time, age, relationship status, and more. Neither type is better or worse, nor anything that needs to be fixed, but having this information about oneself can be helpful in successfully navigating a healthy sex life.

Though there is nothing inherently wrong with either type, it of course can be frustrating if your desire type doesn’t align with the person/people you’re having sex with. This is what we call desire discrepancy. If this is something you’re struggling with, consider some of these approaches:

Explore non-sexual intimacy

• Physical intimacy can take many, many forms and getting creative is a good way to feel more physically connected with your sexual partner(s). Massages, cuddling, backscratching, and hugging are all great options for non-sexual physical touch.

Consider an open relationship

• If you’re in a monogamous relationship and therefore only have sex with your partner, desire discrepancy can be a major obstacle to sexual satisfaction. Opening up your relationship is a much bigger deal than just saying you want to, but it could be a good option in instances where desire discrepancy is the root of major tension in the relationship. Here is an Embrace Sexual Wellness article that goes into detail about how to open a monogamous relationship.

Talk to a sex therapist (either as an individual or as a relationship)

• Sex therapists are an amazing resource for sorting through sexual obstacles like desire discrepancy. They have knowledge about potential root causes of someone’s libido type, how to diffuse tension related to desire discrepancy, and creative problem solving that takes everyone’s needs into account. Working with a dedicated therapist also has the capacity to increase empathy on all sides, improving communication overall. If you live in Illinois, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness for a consultation.

Desire discrepancy does not mean anyone is at fault and will require patience and empathy on all sides to work through. This issue, like all other relationship issues, isn’t person versus person; it’s you all against the problem.

Why Does It Hurt Down There? Here's How to Address Pelvic Pain

The pelvic floor muscles refers to the hammock-like musculature that supports your pelvic organs and therefore they are an essential part of executing bodily functions like ridding of stool and pee, and having sex. Like anything else in your body, they can weaken throughout the normal aging process leading to concerns like incontinence, or general pain and discomfort.

Differences between people assigned female versus male at birth

Everyone has a pelvic floor regardless of their gender or reproductive anatomy. Pelvic floor health has different implications depending on the type of anatomy it’s supporting. For people assigned female at birth (AFAB), the pelvic floor muscles support the uterus, bladder, and bowel, and the anus, vagina, and urethra all pass through this group of muscles. The pelvic floor is strongly involved in pregnancy and this is a common cause of pelvic floor dysfunction. For people assigned male at birth (AMAB), the pelvic floor muscles support the bladder and bowel, and the anus and urethra pass through them. Unfortunately, there is next to no research or information about transgender and intersex people and their pelvic floor health.

Common Pelvic Floor Concerns

Having pelvic muscles that are too weak or too tight can cause concern; the idea is to find a balance. Pelvic floor concerns might be the cause of additional problems but it can also be a symptom of conditions like endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and menstrual cycle cramping.

If untreated, pelvic floor imbalances can cause:

• Sexual dysfunction

  • Sexual dysfunction conditions relating to pelvic floor health include dyspareunia (AFAB people) and erectile dysfunction (AMAB people).  

• Pelvic pain

  • Pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD) is “the inability to correctly relax and coordinate your pelvic floor muscles to have a bowel movement.” It’s more commonly experienced by people assigned female at birth. Symptoms associated with it in addition to pain (usually exacerbated by sexual intercourse or certain movements) are incontinence, bloating and constipation, and lower back pain. 

• Bladder concerns

• If your pelvic muscles are too weak, you may struggle with a frequent urge to pee or an inability to hold in pee. This is often an aftereffect of pregnancy and giving birth. 

• Bowel problems

• Similar to bladder concerns, weak pelvic muscles sometimes struggle to hold in gas or poop, leading to bowel incontinence. On the other end, you might also experience constipation and straining pain when trying to poop. 

Options for Addressing Pelvic Floor Concerns

• Medication

  • Medication options will differ depending on the root cause of pelvic floor concerns. Hormonal based therapies like GnRH, Progestin, and oral contraceptives may be used to treat pelvic floor concerns associated with reproductive conditions such as endometriosis. For pain, over the counter medications like Tylenol can be used. If an infection is the source of pain, you may be prescribed antibiotics. Before starting any medication, discuss with your doctor to make sure it’s the right route for you and that it won’t cause adverse effects.   

• Relaxation techniques

• If your pelvic floor is too tense, you might want to try relaxation techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing and pelvic girdle stretches. 

• Physical therapy

• If your effort with pelvic floor exercises at home don’t work for you or if you’re just seeking professional guidance, physical therapy is a good option. 

• Pelvic floor exercises

• Kegels are the most well known pelvic floor exercise and they’re a great way to strengthen those muscles. Click through on the link above to get more details on how to properly do pelvic floor exercises.

Pelvic floor health is a buzzy topic on social media these days, especially on TikTok. We would caution you against taking any of that advice prior to speaking with a qualified health professional who knows you personally. If your pelvic floor concerns are causing mental distress, consider seeing a sex therapist. For those located in Illinois, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to see if we’re a good fit for you.