Questions to Ask a Sex Therapist Before Your First Appointment

Sex therapy is “a type of psychotherapy specifically meant to ad sexual function, sexual feelings and intimacy, amongst other romantic and sexuality related concerns.” There are a multitude of reasons to see a sex therapist and if you think sex therapy might be right for you, let’s talk about actually finding a sex therapist.

Vetting Questions

If it’s accessible to you, don’t be afraid to set up consultations with several professionals to compare their styles and compatibility. The consultation is an opportunity to learn more about the therapist, their expertise, and whether you feel comfortable with them. Here are some specific questions to guide that conversation.

1) What is your area of expertise? 

Like any branch of therapy, sex therapists have a variety of specialties including, but not limited to couples therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and sexual abuse therapy.

2) What approaches to sex therapy do you use? 

Relating to the previous point, sex therapists have subject specialties (like sexual abuse), as well as approach specialities (like cognitive behavioral therapy). It’s important to ask about both in order to get a full picture of the therapist’s ethos.

3) What happens during a typical session? 

It’s important to know that sex therapy does not include physical intimacy with the therapist. Different therapists will organize sessions differently, though most operate in a talk-therapy format. Some will have a more structured approach, while others leave room for open ended sessions.

Resources for finding a therapist

• Referral Directory | AASECT:: American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists

• Find a Therapist - Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

• Best Online Sex Therapy Programs of 2023

If you’re located in Chicago or the state of Illinois, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to see if one of our therapists would be a good fit for you! 

Experiencing Seasonal Depression? Here Are a Few Tips to Manage Symptoms

Seasonal depression, otherwise known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression related to the changes in seasons For most people, symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months. They often resolve during the spring and summer months. In less frequent cases, SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer and resolves during the fall or winter months. Symptoms include fatigue, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, and intense sadness, among other things. It’s not an uncommon challenge so if you experience this, you are far from alone. Luckily, there are things you can do to mitigate the intensity of your symptoms.

1) Try a light therapy lamp 

• Sunlight lamps emit light that simulates sunlight. There’s research that says sitting in front of it for 30 minutes right when you wake up can improve seasonal depression symptoms. The thinking is that this assists your circadian rhythm, making you feel more alert. For best results, you should use light therapy under the recommendation and guidance of a psychiatric professional.

2) Get outdoors

• Getting outside, even when it’s grey is easier said than done, yet highly effective. Going out and taking a walk, ideally around noon when the sun is brightest, is a great way to get a mood boost. Though challenging, trying to create a positive relationship with the season can help offset the SAD.

3) Talk to a doctor about using vitamin D or antidepressants

• If SAD is severely incapacitating you and disallowing you from functioning in the ways you typically do, consider seeing a doctor to talk about vitamin D supplements and/or antidepressants as a treatment option.

Seasonal depression is a challenge but luckily there are options for addressing it. If you’re struggling, consider seeing a mental health professional and/or your primary care physician for treatment options. We wish you an easy winter season for those of you experiencing winter SAD. 

How to Create Habits That Last

This time of year is often framed as a transformative one: a time to move towards your best self, to create new habits, and rid yourself of the old ones. There is a lot of pressure to self-improve around this time but rest assured, if that’s not something you want or need right now, there’s no obligation. If, however, you think you do want to try to use the new year as an opportunity for change, let’s talk about how to go about it in a healthy, sustainable way.

Get SMART

• SMART is an acronym pertaining to setting realistic goals that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Specific goals should answer the “w” questions: what, when, where, which, and why. The “why” is arguably one of the most important parts of the equation because it’s the fuel and motivation that will keep you invested in your goal. Measurable means establishing a metric by which to measure your progress. Achievable means the goal is realistic. Relevant goals align with your current lifestyle and your values. Time-bound goals follow a timeline instead of being indefinite.

Try habit swapping

• Habit swapping is pretty much what it sounds like: swapping an undesirable habit “A” with a more desirable habit “B.” This involves first identifying your current habits and routines. For example, if you want to cut down on drinking alcohol after work, maybe try using that same time in your routine to experiment with new mocktail recipes instead.

Try habit pairing

• Habit pairing uses an incentive to entice you to partake in the behavior you want to increase. For instance, if you want to meditate more and you already make yourself coffee every morning, try using the time you wait for the coffee to brew to do a quick meditation. By pairing a desired habit with an existing, and more pleasurable, habit, you have increased incentive to stick to it.

Use opposite to emotion action

• Dialectical behavioral therapy outlines a skill called “opposite to emotion action.” This means you act in a way that goes against your emotional impulse. For example, you might be irritated and overwhelmed and therefore tempted to skip out on doing your yoga for the day. If you can push past that initial resistance and get yourself to start doing the yoga, you might be pleasantly surprised to find it improves your mood. Of course there are always exceptions to this and if you truly do not feel capable of something due to your emotional state, you should respect your own boundaries. It takes practice to figure out where to draw that line.

Creating a new habit takes patience and frequent repetition before it gets more automatic. Stressors can come up and it is important to give yourself the grace to be imperfect and instead of using those moments to beat yourself up, try to frame it as a learning opportunity.Continuing to put time into self care is also helpful in building sustainable, healthy habits. Finally, remember that anything worth doing is worth doing halfway because something is far better than nothing.