Wondering About Relationship Therapy? Here are 3 Myths to Debunk

Relationship therapy is a great tool that, unfortunately, is often stigmatized and surrounded by myths that disincentivize people from utilizing it. Some of these myths include that relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce, that relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves, that a stranger couldn’t possibly help your relationship, and that the therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other. Here are some of the most common myths; let’s breakdown why each one is incorrect.

1) Relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce

While some people certainly go to therapy as a last resort to avoid the end of the relationship, that is far from the only valid reason to try relationship therapy. Perhaps you need to fine tune communication skills, or maybe there’s a desire discrepancy negatively impacting your sex life, or maybe you’re struggling to feel connected following the birth of a child; these examples and dozens more have the potential to benefit from relationship therapy.

2) Relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves

Asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a strength. There is a reason that tools like relationship therapy exist; they’re there to be used, and they’re there because they have a documented history of helping people. Not only does a therapist bring their expertise to the table that people without formal psychological training don’t usually have, but they also serve as a mediator to try to ensure that all parties are not only heard, but understood. Wellness experts like personal trainers and physicians are much less stigmatized even though their role is similar to a relationship therapist’s in that their expertise facilitates their clients’ wellness. The choice to seek help from an expert is smart, not weak.

3) The therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other(s) (especially if attending therapy was initiated by one more than the other(s))

In a successful therapeutic dynamic, this should not be the case. Ideally, everyone should feel heard and validated, and the therapist’s role is to facilitate that. Taking one side over another would only serve to alienate someone and therefore undermine the goal of the therapy.

Despite the stigma, relationship therapy is nothing to be ashamed of and with the right therapist, it can be a powerful tool. If you’re interested in learning more about whether or not relationship therapy is a good fit for you, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness.

Feeling Stressed? Here are 3 Tips to Cope With Holiday Stress

The holidays are an exciting time but that excitement brings stress too. Between coordinating logistics, interpersonal drama, and potential financial burdens, not to mention less daylight, it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed by the fast approaching holiday season. With some forethought and planning though it doesn’t have to drown you. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’ best tips for not just surviving but thriving this holiday season so you can enjoy yourself to the fullest extent possible.

Clearly Identify and establish personal boundaries

• Boundaries are important year-round but they should most certainly be shored up ahead of a known stressful time. Family and boundaries can be particularly tricky so it might take more discipline to hold your ground. If you’re not sure where to start with determining and communicating your boundaries, check out this ESW article

Expect and accept imperfection

• It might sound obvious but it’s still important to intentionally remember that even the best laid plans go awry. In these moments, try reflecting on the true importance and priorities of the holidays: spending time with people you love.

Make an escape plan

Even the closest and calmest families and/or friends can feel overwhelming at times so consider planning how you might be able to get a break during the festivities before they begin. Whether that means going for a walk or a drive, stepping into the washroom, or finding another reprieve, knowing you have a plan to catch your breath can be stress reducing in and of itself.

These tips won’t solve all your problems or prevent stress completely, but they can certainly help ease your burden. We wish you and your loved ones the happiest holiday season!

Wondering How to Navigate Tough Conversations? Here Are 4 Tips

Having tough conversations is a fundamental part of any close relationship, platonic, romantic, and/or sexual. Unfortunately, that fact doesn’t make them any easier to have. Whether you want to talk to a friend about their chronic lateness or to your partner about your needs not being met, or any number of other examples, this article will discuss important, widely applicable conflict management tips to help you through it.

1) Being effective versus being right

Even though digging in your heels and trying to prove your correctness might feel more appealing and satisfying than aiming for effectiveness, it will foster a much more contentious conversation. Being right might be more satisfying in the short term, but focusing on being effective will be far more satisfying and bring more peace to your life in the long term. In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to choose, but when you do have to choose, effectiveness will ultimately serve you and the relationship far more.

2) Operate on the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment…

…even if that “best” is not enough for you right now. We are all imperfect and no matter how much we wish we could always bring our best self to the table, that simply isn’t the case. No matter how much you disagree with the person sitting across from you, the assumption that you are both doing your best can mitigate feelings of resentment. Just because someone is trying their best doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held responsible for where they get it wrong, but reframing their intentions in this way makes it easier to empathize, and therefore easier to have a productive conversation.

3) Reframe the conflict as a team versus a problem instead of person versus person

In a tough conversation with a loved one, instead of going head to head and focusing on how to prove the other person wrong, try to approach the conflict as the two of you against the problem together. In a healthy relationship dynamic, you will have something in common: a desire to reach a resolution and you should use that commonality to your advantage. Reminding the other person of this fact can help defuse intense moments so you can proceed to a more effective solution.

4) Use the GIVE skill from DBT

Dialectical behavioral therapy is a modified type of cognitive behavioral therapy which primarily aims to teach how to live in the present, healthily cope, improve interpersonal interactions, and regulate intense emotions. An interpersonal effectiveness DBT skill is “GIVE” which stands for: (be) Gentle, (act) Interested, Validate, (use an) Easy Manner. Being Gentle means being nice and respectful while avoiding judgment, blaming, or threats. Acting Interested refers to active listening. Validating involves showing that you understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings; for example you might reiterate your understanding of what they’ve just told you to ensure you’re on the same page. Finally, an Easy Manner means checking your attitude at the door and bringing your kindest self to the table.

Though we hope these tips will help you facilitate a kind, collaborative conversation, it’s important to keep in mind that utilizing them will not necessarily eliminate all unpleasantness and challenge from your interpersonal interactions. That being said, if you try these tips and you still feel unequipped, consider seeing a therapist like the ones at Embrace Sexual Wellness.