Self-care is a buzzword these days. So much so to the point that we know we should be caring for ourselves but are lost on where to even start. At the end of the day, people are talking about it for a reason and connecting to our needs is paramount to exploring and finessing our vibrant, holistic selves. One of the most salient and yet least talked about are sexual needs. Here are five ways you can take care of your sexual self:
1) Connect with your body outside of sexually charged contexts
Your sensual self is always a part of you. Yes, even when sex is the last thing on your mind! At the end of the day, sex is a bodily experience that can be experienced with presence and intention. Just as a musician will care for their instrument daily, our bodies respond well to fine-tuning. Here are some ideas for body connection:
Daily movement - walking is a great place to start
Dancing - I personally love to put on my favorite song(s) and follow the impulses in my body to move in whatever way feels good
Stretching, yoga, and pilates
2) Pampering
Pampering is a great way to feel sexy. This may include manipulating body hair in a way that feels good to you, exfoliating your body with a scrub, or self-massage. Great places to start with self-massage would be your hands, feet, and scalp, then explore from there!
3) Schedule sexual intimacy
You may be thinking “Boo! Scheduling sex isn’t fun!” to which I’d respond, “Well, at least the people scheduling sex are getting some” 👀 If it is important to you, sex, like most things in your life, needs to be prioritized. Scheduling sex can be seen as lacking spontaneity but a quick reframe to see it as an exciting thing on the calendar can do the trick! Scheduling sex may be with a partner or partners, but you can also schedule solo play. Putting these encounters on your schedule gives you a chance to prepare emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. to be in a place where you can engage in the scheduled activity with ease and intention.
4) Switch it up
Muscle memory serves us positively in a lot of ways, but the other side of that coin is limiting ourselves to a small set of sexual likes that we adhere strongly too. A huge aspect of sexual self-care is to have an openness to your sexuality which requires a healthy dose of curious exploration. Here are some ideas on how you can switch it up:
Explore your own erogenous zones with varying types of touch, texture, and pressure
Use your other hand when masturbating
Slow Down – just because you had to frantically finish self-pleasure as a kid, doesn’t mean you have to engage in the same frantic mindset as an adult. Think about the many elements of music that come together to make a song, this is the breadth of possibilities you have in front of you. Your time with yourself could be an insurance commercial or it could be a top hit. Give yourself permission to take time to create your own masterpiece.
5) Share your discoveries
We have a lot at our fingertips and unfortunately a comprehensive sexual education isn’t one of them. This lack of education has led to a large percentage of our population experiencing some level of shame connected with sex or sexual desires. Brene Brown teaches that the antidote to shame is empathy, and a fast track to empathy is sharing (and of course listening). As you engage in some of the suggestions outlined above, share your experiences with a safe partner, friend, or loved one. This might be one the most important acts of sexual self-care: pursue your sexual self-care and share your discoveries.
