How Can Individuals Heal From Internalized Sexual Shame

How Can Individuals Heal From Internalized Sexual Shame?

Internalized sexual shame is a challenge that many people carry silently. It can affect the way individuals relate to their own bodies, desires, and relationships. Feelings of guilt about sexual thoughts, fear of judgment, anxiety around intimacy, or the belief that sexual needs are wrong are all common experiences.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, our team of Chicago sex therapists works with clients to understand and address these experiences. Sexual shame is not permanent and can be processed and healed. This article explores the origins of sexual shame, how it impacts life and relationships, and therapeutic approaches that foster a healthy, shame-free sexual identity.

Understanding Internalized Sexual Shame

Internalized sexual shame develops when societal, cultural, or familial messages about sexuality are absorbed and believed at a personal level. Unlike temporary embarrassment or situational guilt, internalized sexual shame is persistent. It can lead to avoiding sexual intimacy or exploration, experiencing anxiety around sexual thoughts or behaviors, struggling with sexual satisfaction, and holding a negative self-image related to the body or sexual identity.

Recognizing that sexual shame is learned rather than innate is a critical step toward healing.

Where Does Sexual Shame Comes From?

Sexual shame often arises from a combination of cultural, familial, and social influences.

Cultural and religious messages frequently shape beliefs about what is acceptable sexual behavior. Messages that label desire as immoral or wrong can become internalized, even if the individual consciously rejects these beliefs later.

Family and early life experiences also play a significant role. Messages from parents, caregivers, or peers, whether explicit or implied, can affect beliefs about sexuality. Childhood experiences of embarrassment, punishment, or shaming around sexual topics often create lasting patterns.

Media and societal norms contribute as well. Unrealistic portrayals of bodies, desire, and sexual performance can reinforce feelings of inadequacy or make individuals believe that their sexual experiences are abnormal.

Understanding the roots of shame helps individuals separate their personal identity from harmful messages they have internalized over time.

The Impact of Sexual Shame

Internalized sexual shame can affect many areas of life. In relationships, it may create fear of vulnerability, making it difficult to communicate sexual needs or feel comfortable with a partner. Self-esteem and body image may be impacted, leaving individuals feeling unworthy of sexual pleasure or anxious about their appearance during intimacy. Sexual functioning can also be affected, as anxiety and self-criticism contribute to low desire, erectile difficulties, or inhibited orgasm.

Our team of Chicago sex therapists frequently observe how sexual shame can interfere with both enjoyment and connection. With the right guidance, individuals and couples can achieve meaningful and lasting change.

Therapeutic Approaches to Healing Sexual Shame

Healing from sexual shame requires patience, self-compassion, and professional support. Several evidence-based approaches are commonly used by therapists:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps individuals identify negative thought patterns related to sexuality and replace them with healthier, more balanced beliefs. For example, the belief that feeling desire is wrong can be reframed as a natural and healthy part of being human.

Emotion-Focused Therapy supports individuals in understanding and expressing emotions safely. Processing shame triggers in a supportive environment allows clients to release internalized judgment and build emotional resilience.

Mindfulness and somatic approaches promote non-judgmental awareness of thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Practices such as body scans, guided breathing, or mindful touch help clients reconnect with their bodies in a compassionate and grounded way.

Sex-positive education and exploration provides factual, empowering information about human sexuality. Gradual, shame-free exploration either alone or with a partner can restore confidence and pleasure.

Therapeutic conversations with a sex therapist provide a safe space to address shame directly. Sex therapists guide clients in identifying shame triggers, setting boundaries, and cultivating self-compassion, all of which support long-term healing.

Practical Steps to Begin Healing

While couples therapy is highly effective, there are steps individuals can take on their own to begin the healing process:

1. Observe and reflect on moments when shame arises, journaling thoughts and emotions to identify patterns.

2. Challenge negative beliefs and replace self-critical thoughts with affirming statements about sexual worth and autonomy.

3. Practice body awareness and gentle self-care rituals to reinforce a positive relationship with the body.

4. Seek support from a trained sex therapist or a supportive, sex-positive group to reduce isolation and normalize experiences.

Healing from sexual shame is a process. Progress is often gradual, but even small steps toward self-compassion and understanding can have a profound impact.

The Role of a Sex Therapist

A certified sex therapist provides guidance and a safe environment for navigating sexual shame. Therapy supports clients in understanding the origins of their shame, reframing unhelpful beliefs, restoring desire and pleasure, improving communication with partners, and building a shame-free sexual identity.

When shame is interfering with desire, self-esteem, or relationships, professional support can accelerate healing and empower individuals to embrace their sexuality confidently.

TLDR

Internalized sexual shame is common, but it does not have to define sexual identity or limit relationships. By understanding its origins, exploring emotions in a supportive space, and practicing self-compassion, individuals can reclaim confidence, pleasure, and connection.

The team at Embrace Sexual Wellness is dedicated to helping clients overcome sexual shame and cultivate a healthy, empowered sexual life. Anyone struggling with these issues is encouraged to consider therapy as a first step toward healing and embracing sexuality without fear or guilt.

Learn more about available services or schedule a free intro call here!

How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

Experiencing low sexual desire can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes worrying. If you’ve noticed a decrease in your interest in sex, you may be wondering whether it’s normal or if professional support is needed. Low desire is common, and it’s treatable with the right guidance. For those living in Chicago, Embrace Sexual Wellness therapists can help you identify the causes of low libido and provide strategies to improve sexual satisfaction and intimacy.

What Is Low Sexual Desire?

Low sexual desire, also called hypoactive sexual desire or low libido, is a reduced interest in sexual activity that affects both individuals and couples. Some signs may include:

• Fewer sexual thoughts or fantasies

• Avoiding sexual activity with your partner

• Feeling emotionally disconnected during intimacy

Common Causes of Low Desire

Low desire often results from a combination of factors including:

• Biological factors: Hormonal changes, chronic illness, medication side effects, fatigue

• Psychological factors: Stress, anxiety, depression, past trauma, body image concerns

• Relationship factors: Communication issues, emotional distance, unresolved conflict, mismatched sexual needs

Understanding the root causes is essential, as low desire rarely has a single explanation.

How to Know When It’s Time to See a Chicago Sex Therapist

Not every dip in sexual desire requires therapy; signs that professional support can help include:

• Persistent low interest: Desire has been low for months and affects your satisfaction

• Stress or guilt about sex: Anxiety or shame around sexual activity

• Relationship strain: Ongoing tension, conflict, or reduced emotional connection

• Emotional distress: Sadness, frustration, or lowered self-esteem due to low desire

• Physical factors not improving: Libido remains low despite addressing medical or hormonal issues

If these signs resonate, it may be time to consider working with a Chicago sex therapist or a combination of individual and couples therapy.

How a Chicago Sex Therapist Can Help

A sex therapist in Chicago provides specialized support for individuals and couples experiencing low desire. Therapy may include:

• Evidence-based techniques: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Psychoeducation: Understanding sexual response, desire cycles, and common myths

• Practical exercises: Communication strategies, intimacy-building activities, and mindfulness practices

• Individualized support: Tailored approaches addressing physical, psychological, and relational factors

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we offer therapy in-person in Chicago or online via telehealth, making it accessible and flexible for busy schedules.

Self-Reflection: Are You Ready for Therapy?

Before booking a session, reflect on your experience:

• How long have you noticed low desire?

• How is it affecting your relationship or emotional well-being?

• Have you tried lifestyle changes, stress reduction, or self-help strategies?

• Are you open to exploring deeper emotional, psychological, or relational factors?

Even if you’re unsure, book a free 10 minute phone consultation with one of our Chicago sex therapists.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is low sexual desire normal?

Sexual desire naturally fluctuates throughout our lifetime. People who experience persistent low desire that causes distress or impacts their relationship may benefit from sex therapy.

2. What’s the difference between a sex therapist and a general therapist?

A sex therapist specializes in sexual health, intimacy, and desire, addressing physical, emotional and relational factors, while a general therapist may not have this specialized training. The process of talk therapy may feel similar, but the overall focus and expertise is more significant in sex therapy.

3. Can therapy improve desire for couples?

Absolutely. Couples therapy combined with sex therapy can help partners reconnect emotionally and sexually, improving desire and satisfaction. It’s common for partners to have relational concerns that overlap with sexual intimacy ones.

4. How long does therapy take to improve low desire?

The timeline varies depending on individual circumstances. Some notice improvements in a few sessions, while others may take several months. The key is consistent, guided practice and exploration.

Taking the First Step in Chicago

Low sexual desire is common and treatable. Seeking support from a sex therapist is a proactive step toward reclaiming intimacy and emotional connection. Therapy isn’t just about “fixing” sex. Instead, it’s about improving communication, emotional closeness, and overall sexual wellness.

If you’ve been experiencing persistent low desire, or if it’s causing strain in your relationship or self-confidence, scheduling a consultation with our team of Chicago sex therapists can help you:

• Understand the underlying causes of low desire

• Learn strategies to reignite sexual interest and cope with differences

• Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy with your partner

TLDR

Recognizing the signs of low desire and seeking professional support can transform your sexual and relational well-being. A sex therapist provides a safe, supportive space to explore challenges, gain clarity, and develop tools to improve desire and intimacy. Your sexual wellness is important, and taking this step shows commitment to both yourself and your relationship.

Why Do I Feel Shame Around Sex, and How Can I Overcome It?

Why Do I Feel Shame Around Sex, and How Can I Overcome It?

Shame around sex is something many people carry quietly, sometimes for years. Maybe you find yourself pulling away from intimacy, feeling anxious in the bedroom, or avoiding conversations with your partner because sex feels too uncomfortable to talk about. You may even wonder, “What’s wrong with me?”

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. Sexual shame is incredibly common and it can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. At Embrace Sexual Wellness, many of the individuals and couples we work with come to therapy because shame has created distance in their intimate lives. And while shame can feel heavy, it’s also something you can work through with the right support.

In this post, we’ll explore why so many people experience shame around sex and what you can do to begin moving toward healing and self-acceptance.

Understanding Sexual Shame

Sexual shame is the feeling that your desires, your body, or your experiences of intimacy are “bad,” “dirty,” or “wrong.” It’s often rooted in messages we’ve internalized, sometimes so deeply that we don’t even realize they’re there.

These messages can sound like:

• “Good girls/boys don’t do that.”

• “Men should always want sex.”

• “Wanting pleasure makes you selfish.”

• “Talking about sex is embarrassing or inappropriate.”

Over time, beliefs like these create a cycle of guilt and silence. Instead of experiencing intimacy as something natural and enjoyable, you may approach it with anxiety, fear, or self-criticism.

Where Does Sexual Shame Come From?

Shame around sex usually doesn’t appear out of nowhere— it’s shaped by the environments and systems we grow up in. Here are some of the most common sources:

Family and Early Upbringing

If you grew up in a household where sex was never discussed, or where it was framed as “dirty” or “bad,” those early messages can stick with you. Even if no one said the words directly, a lack of conversation can signal that sex is something to feel secretive about.

Religion or Cultural Beliefs

Many people grew up in religious or cultural settings where sex was tied to morality. You may have been taught that certain desires are sinful, or that sex outside of marriage is wrong. These beliefs can cause lasting conflict between your values and your natural curiosity or desire.

Societal Expectations and Gender Roles

Society sends strong, often contradictory messages about sex. Men are expected to always be ready for intimacy, while women are often shamed for wanting it “too much.” For LGBTQIA+ folks, kinky communities, or people in non-traditional relationships, the stigma can feel even heavier.

Past Trauma or Negative Experiences

Experiences such as sexual trauma, betrayal, or even painful early encounters can reinforce shame. When intimacy becomes linked with fear or hurt, it makes sense that you might struggle to feel safe, open, or confident in your body.

How Shame Affects Your Intimacy and Relationships

Sexual shame doesn’t just stay in your head. It can ripple into every part of your intimate life and affect your relationship. Some ways it might show up include:

• Avoidance of intimacy: You may pull away from your partner or avoid sex entirely.

• Performance anxiety: Worrying about “doing it right” instead of being present.

• Difficulty communicating: Feeling embarrassed or fearful about sharing your needs.

• Disconnection in relationships: When shame blocks honesty, it often creates distance.

• Low desire or arousal: Shame can shut down your body’s natural responses.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. These struggles are exactly why many people seek out sex therapy to untangle the shame that gets in the way of connection and pleasure.

How to Begin Overcoming Sexual Shame

Healing from sexual shame takes time, but it is possible. The goal isn’t to erase the past, but to create new experiences that allow you to feel safe, authentic, and connected in your intimacy. Here are some steps that can help:

Recognize the Source

Start by noticing where your shame comes from. Was it an early message from your family? A cultural or religious teaching? A negative experience? Simply naming the source of shame can loosen its grip and remind you that it doesn’t define you.

Challenge Shame-Based Beliefs

Ask yourself: Is this belief true, or is it something I was taught to believe? For example, “I shouldn’t talk about what I like” can be reframed as “Sharing my desires helps my partner understand me and creates deeper intimacy.”

Practice Self-Compassion

Healing requires gentleness with yourself. If shame shows up, try replacing self-criticism with kindness and compassion for yourself. Remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is common and that you’re allowed to want pleasure and connection.

Communicate with Your Partner

Shame grows in silence. While it may feel scary, opening up to your partner about your feelings can reduce isolation and build trust. You don’t need to share everything at once; start small and notice how honesty shifts the dynamic between you.

Explore Mindfulness and Body Awareness

Shame often pulls you out of the moment and into self-judgment. Practices like mindfulness, grounding, or breath work can help you reconnect with your body in non-judgmental ways, making it easier to stay present during intimacy.

Seek Professional Support

Sometimes shame feels too heavy to navigate alone. Working with a sex therapist can give you tools, guidance, and a safe space to process your experiences. Therapy can help you rewrite the story you’ve been told about your sexuality and build new, empowering narratives.

How Therapy Can Help with Sexual Shame

We specialize in helping individuals and couples who are struggling with sexual shame, low desire, and intimacy challenges. In therapy, you’ll find a supportive space where nothing is “too much” or “too taboo” to talk about. Our therapists use evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and mindfulness to help you:

• Untangle shame from your sense of self

• Identify and shift shame-based beliefs

• Rebuild intimacy and trust with your partner

• Learn healthier ways to express needs and desires

• Move toward confidence, pleasure, and connection

Shame doesn’t have to define your intimate life. With support, you can replace shame with self-acceptance and begin creating the fulfilling connections you deserve.

TLDR

If you’ve ever thought, “Something is wrong with me because of how I feel about sex,” you are not alone. Shame around sexuality is incredibly common, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. With compassion, awareness, and support, you can learn to let go of shame and reclaim intimacy as a source of joy and connection.

If you’re ready to start this journey, our team of sex therapists are here to help. We see clients in-person at our Chicago office and virtually in Illinois, Indiana, Idaho, Louisiana, and Kansas.

Schedule a free 10-minute consultation today and take the first step toward healing your relationship with intimacy and yourself.