What to Know Before Sharing Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Fantasies are a natural part of human sexuality. They can be exciting, fulfilling, and even play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship. However, sharing your fantasies with a partner can be a delicate matter. In this blog, we will explore the intricacies of sharing fantasies, addressing the questions of whether you should tell your partner about your fantasies, the best ways to open up to your partner, and how to deal with obsessive sexual thoughts. We'll also emphasize the importance of understanding that fantasies are not necessarily a reflection of unmet sexual needs or dissatisfaction.

Fantasy Is Not Reality

Before we dive into the details of sharing fantasies, it's essential to understand that what makes a fantasy a fantasy is precisely that it is not reality. Fantasies are products of our imagination, shaped by desires, curiosities, and the freedom to explore scenarios that may never come to fruition in our daily lives. Some are even impossible to play out in real life. Importantly, fantasies do not inherently indicate any deficiencies in our sexual relationships or unfulfilled needs. Embracing this concept can alleviate any anxieties you may have about sharing your fantasies and help you appreciate them as a unique aspect of your sexuality.

Should I Tell My Partner About My Fantasy?

The decision to share your fantasies with your partner is a personal one and depends on various factors including your level of comfort, trust, and the nature of your relationship. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Assess Trust and Communication Strength 

A strong foundation of trust and open communication is vital in any relationship. If you feel safe and secure with your partner, sharing your fantasies can enhance intimacy and deepen your connection.

Engage in Mutual Exploration

Sharing fantasies can be an exciting way to explore each other's desires and deepen your sexual connection. It can lead to discovering shared interests and preferences, which can improve your overall sexual satisfaction.

Respect One Another’s Boundaries

It's crucial to respect your partner's boundaries. Not everyone is comfortable hearing about explicit fantasies, so approach the conversation with sensitivity. Gauge their reaction and be prepared to stop or adjust the conversation if they seem uncomfortable.

Center Consent

Always ensure that any fantasies you wish to explore involve consensual activities. Consent is paramount in any sexual exploration, so that all partners can feel comfortable and enthusiastic about trying new things.

How do I Share my Fantasies with my Partner?

Sharing your fantasies with your partner can be a fulfilling experience if done with care and consideration. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to approach this conversation.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place.

Find a quiet, private setting where both you and your partner can feel relaxed and comfortable. Timing matters too. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during arguments or stressful moments. During these moments, you or your partner may be emotionally flooded and find it difficult to navigate the topic in a way that feels good to both of you.

2. Express Your Desires Clearly.

Clearly and honestly communicate your fantasies. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and desires without placing blame or pressure on your partner. Remember that the point of this is to share your desires, not to project guilt onto your partner for not meeting these previously uncommunicated needs. If your partner feels blame and pressure coming from you, it could work against your hopes for being understood and may inhibit future conversations.

3. Listen Actively.

Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about your fantasies. Active listening fosters understanding and empathy, making it easier to find common ground.

4. Stay Open to Feedback.

Your partner may have their own fantasies, ideas, or reactions. Be receptive to their input and consider how you can mutually explore new experiences together. It can be vulnerable to share your innermost sexual desires. If they respond by sharing their own desires, be prepared to respond to them in a way that you would hope they respond to you. Curiosity keeps doors open, judgment and reactivity tend to close them.

5. Take It Slow.

Don't rush into acting on your fantasies. Take your time to build trust and ensure both you and your partner are comfortable with any new experiences.

How Do I Address Obsessive Thoughts About Fantasies?

While fantasies are a healthy part of human sexuality, they can sometimes become obsessive or intrusive. Here are some strategies to manage obsessive thoughts about your fantasies:

Self-Reflect

Take some time to reflect on the nature of your fantasies. Are they causing distress or interfering with your daily life? Are they getting in the way of completing work or other day-to-day functioning? Understanding your own feelings and their impact on your functioning can be the first step in addressing obsessive thoughts.

Seek Professional Help

If obsessive thoughts about your fantasies are causing you significant distress or affecting your mental health, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.

Communicate Clearly

If you feel comfortable, discuss your obsessive thoughts with your partner. They may offer emotional support and understanding, helping you alleviate any concerns.

Engage in Mindfulness or Distraction

Engaging in mindfulness techniques or distracting activities when obsessive thoughts arise can be effective in managing them. Redirect your focus to the present moment or immerse yourself in a different activity.

Takeaway

Sharing fantasies with your partner can be a rewarding journey that deepens your intimacy and connection. Approach the conversation with sensitivity and prioritize open communication. The beauty of fantasy lies in its divergence from reality. Remember that your fantasies are a part of your individuality, not a reflection of any inadequacies in your relationship. By sharing your fantasies, you may discover new dimensions to your intimacy and embark on exciting adventures together. 

10 Erotic TV Series to Watch with Your Partner This Fall

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In intimate relationships, the concept of eroticism holds a special allure that fuels passion and desire between partners. While physical intimacy plays a vital role, psychogenic arousal is also important. Psychogenic arousal, often referred to as mental or psychological arousal, is the process of creating sexual excitement through non-physical means. This form of arousal centers on stimulating the mind, emotions, and imagination, making it a powerful tool for enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships. This blog explores erotic TV shows that partners can watch together to help build eroticism in their relationships. So, the next time you and your partner are wondering what to watch next, try something from this list!

Note: These shows contain explicit sexual content, nudity, and adult themes. Viewer discretion is advised, and it's important to consider individual comfort levels and boundaries before watching them together as partners.

1. Masters of Sex

Set in the 1950s, this show delves into the groundbreaking research of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers in the field of human sexuality. The series explores the complexities of sexual desire, intimacy, and the psychology of arousal. Through their studies, the show presents explicit and thought-provoking depictions of sexual experiences, providing couples with a deep understanding of the various facets of human sexuality.

*Available (for purchase) on AppleTV, Prime, and Vudu.

2. Outlander

Combining historical drama with elements of fantasy, Outlander follows the passionate love story of Claire and Jamie Fraser. The show features intense romantic and sexual scenes, often showcasing the profound connection and desire between the main characters. The vivid portrayal of their relationship and their exploration of physical and emotional intimacy make it an enticing choice for couples seeking an arousing and emotionally charged viewing experience.

*Available on Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Netflix.

3. Black Sails

Set in the golden age of piracy, Black Sails is an adventure-filled drama that intertwines thrilling storylines with erotic undertones. The show portrays the lives of pirates and their romantic and sexual escapades. Through captivating narratives and alluring characters, it combines action, drama, and sensual elements, offering a compelling viewing experience for couples seeking excitement and a touch of the “forbidden”.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

4. The Affair

This provocative drama explores the complexities of relationships and infidelity. The show delves into the intense emotional and sexual connections formed outside of committed partnerships. By delving into the motivations and consequences of illicit desires, The Affair stimulates discussions about monogamy, sexual exploration, and the multifaceted nature of human eroticism.

*Available on Paramount +, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

5. Easy

An anthology series set in Chicago, Easy explores the intricate web of modern love, relationships, and sexual encounters. The show portrays a range of characters and their diverse experiences with sex, intimacy, and desire. With its realistic and relatable approach to exploring human connections, Easy prompts couples to reflect on their own desires, fantasies, and the challenges of maintaining intimacy.

*Available on Netflix.

6. You Me Her

This unique romantic comedy takes an unconventional approach by exploring a three-way relationship. The show delves into the dynamics of polyamory, love, and sexual exploration. It navigates the complexities of jealousy, self-discovery, and unconventional desires, creating an enticing viewing experience for couples open to exploring alternative relationship dynamics and the boundaries of traditional monogamy.

*Available on Amazon Prime.

7. Sex/Life

This steamy drama follows the journey of a suburban mother who reflects on her past sexual escapades while seeking passion in her present life. With its explicit and visually captivating scenes, the show explores the complexities of desire, fantasy, and longing for excitement. It ignites conversations about rekindling sexual desire within long-term relationships and the interplay between passion and domesticity.

*Available on Netflix.

8. Elite

A Spanish thriller set in an exclusive private school, Elite explores a web of relationships, secrets, and forbidden desires. The show's intriguing plot intertwines with explicit depictions of sexual encounters, exploring themes of attraction, lust, and the exploration of hidden desires. Through its alluring and intense scenes, Elite provides an exciting and stimulating viewing experience for couples seeking suspense, mystery, and passionate encounters.

*Available on Netflix.

9. Sex Education

This comedy-drama series centers around a socially awkward teenager who starts an underground sex therapy clinic at his high school. Through its exploration of various adolescent sexual experiences, the show provides a mix of humor and thought-provoking moments. It delves into topics such as sexual identity, consent, and communication while offering insights into the complexities of human desire and relationships.

*Available on Netflix.

10. P-Valley

Set in a Mississippi Delta strip club, P-Valley explores the lives of the dancers and their personal journeys. The show portrays the sensuality, empowerment, and vulnerabilities of the characters, highlighting the role of sexuality and eroticism in their profession. With its captivating performances and intimate moments, P-Valley delves into the themes of identity, self-expression, and the pursuit of desires.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

Takeaway

Whether you and your partner are going for steamy, funny, mysterious, alluring, adventurous, or romantic, you’ll find it all on this list. Pay attention to those moments that make your brain and insides churn with sexual excitement. You can initiate sexual intimacy, sexy conversation, fantasy talk, or whatever else fun and new comes to mind to explore while watching binge-worthy shows. Finding new and fun ways to spice up your sex life is always worth it – give it a go and see what happens!

Prostate Stimulation: Benefits, Debunking Myths, and Getting Started

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

The prostate, a small gland between the bladder and the rectum, has gained increased attention recently for its potential pleasure and health benefits. While historically associated with male sexual pleasure in the context of cisgender, heterosexual relationships, it's important to recognize that prostate stimulation can bring pleasure and health benefits to all individuals with a prostate, regardless of their sexual or gender identity. In this article, we will explore the benefits of prostate stimulation, debunk myths and misconceptions, and provide evidence-based information for individuals of all sexual identities to embrace and explore this often-overlooked aspect of sexual health.

What are the benefits of prostate stimulation?

The prostate gland is an erogenous zone; prostate stimulation can result in pleasurable sensations and even orgasms. However, the benefits of prostate stimulation go beyond sexual pleasure. Research has shown that regular prostate stimulation can have various health benefits. Some potential benefits of prostate stimulation may include the following:

1. Improved prostate health

Prostate stimulation can help release prostatic fluid (a fluid important for the proper functioning of sperm cells and fertility in people with a prostate), which may help reduce the risk of inflammation, infection, and prostate-related health issues such as benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and prostatitis. Prostate health may or may not be something you have on your mind, but education on the topic can help you stay on top of your prostate health.

2. Enhanced sexual function

Prostate stimulation can improve sexual function by increasing blood flow to the pelvic area, enhancing sensitivity and pleasure, and potentially helping with issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED).

3. Reduced stress and improved well-being

Prostate stimulation can promote relaxation and stress reduction, similar to other forms of sexual activity. Reduced stress can also improve physical health by lowering the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, weakened immune function, and other stress-related issues. It can also lead to enhanced mental well-being, better cognitive functioning, increased productivity, improved sleep quality, and strengthen relationships.

4. Enhanced emotional intimacy 

Prostate stimulation can be a form of sexual exploration and intimacy with a partner that promotes emotional bonding and intimacy. Given the historical stigma of prostate stimulation, many people with a prostate have never explored this part of their body and may feel vulnerable. Whether for health, pleasure or whatever your reasoning, including a partner in your process, may deepen intimacy and understanding between each other and each other’s bodies.

What are some myths and misconceptions about prostate stimulation?

Despite the potential benefits of prostate stimulation, several myths and misconceptions may discourage individuals from exploring this aspect of their sexual health. Let's debunk some of these myths with evidence-based information:

Myth #1: Prostate stimulation is only for homosexual cis men. This is a common misconception. Prostate stimulation can bring pleasure and health benefits to all individuals with a prostate, regardless of their sexual or gender identity.

Myth #2: Prostate stimulation is only for individuals with specific health conditions. While prostate stimulation may be therapeutic for certain prostate-related health conditions, such as prostatitis or BPH, it can also be a pleasurable and healthy sexual practice for individuals without specific health concerns.

Myth #3: Prostate stimulation is painful or dangerous. With proper technique, lubrication and communication, prostate stimulation should not be painful or dangerous. It's important to start slowly, use appropriate tools (such as prostate massagers or fingers), and communicate with your partner (if applicable) to ensure a safe and pleasurable experience.

Myth #4: Prostate stimulation is not "normal" or "acceptable" for individuals with diverse sexual identities. Prostate stimulation has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, gender identity, or acceptability. It's a normal aspect of human anatomy and sexual health, and all individuals with a prostate, regardless of their sexual identity, have the potential to experience pleasure and health benefits from prostate stimulation.

How do I begin exploring prostate stimulation?

If you are interested in exploring prostate stimulation, here are some tips for getting started:

Educate yourself.

Learn about the prostate's anatomy, different prostate stimulation techniques, and potential health benefits. Refer to reputable sources such as medical journals, sexual health websites, and educational resources on sexual health and anatomy. Some books I’d recommend include “Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners” by Charlie Glickman, “Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples” by Jack Morin Ph.D., and “The Guide to Getting It On” by Paul Joannides.

Communicate with your partner.

Open and honest communication is crucial if you have a partner. Discuss your interests, desires, and concerns about prostate stimulation, and make sure you both have clear boundaries and consent.

Use proper techniques and tools.

Proper technique for prostate milking and appropriate tools, such as prostate massagers, finger gloves or finger condoms, prostate stimulating tools, and prostate vibrators, are important for a safe and pleasurable experience. Start slowly and gently, using plenty of lubrication, and listen to your body's cues. 

Practice self-care.

Like any sexual activity, self-care is important for prostate stimulation. Pay attention to your body, take breaks when needed, and prioritize your physical and emotional well-being.

Consult with a healthcare professional.

If you have any specific health concerns or medical conditions related to the prostate, it's always best to consult a healthcare professional. They can provide personalized advice and guidance based on your individual health needs.

Takeaways

Prostate stimulation is a pleasurable and healthy aspect of sexual health that can benefit all individuals with a prostate. It's important to debunk myths and misconceptions, educate ourselves, communicate with our partners, and prioritize self-care when exploring prostate stimulation. Remember that sexual health is a personal and individual aspect of our lives, and everyone has the right to investigate and enjoy their unique pleasures and experiences.