Sexual Desire

How to Figure Out What You Actually Enjoy During Sex

The first step to having satisfying sex is to understand what you enjoy. It is difficult for a partner to facilitate pleasure without any direction. Many people are uncertain of what they like or want for a variety of reasons. Cultural stigma and sexual shame can exacerbate this knowledge gap. So how do you figure out what you like in the bedroom? In this article, we’ll highlight how to better understand your own pleasure and offer reflection questions to guide your exploration.  

What are some practical tips for learning what you like in the bedroom?

1. Read and watch erotica

”Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can include books, short stories, audio clips, drawings and more. Exploring erotica and taking note of what excites you will give you more information about what you may or may not enjoy during sex. 

2. Explore your body and masturbation

Before bringing a partner into the mix, try intentionally touching and exploring your own body. This should go beyond just your genitals, although that can be important too. Try different types of touch like gentle versus firmer pressure. Let go of your assumptions of what you are “supposed” to like and explore freely. You can also try different types of masturbation, like acute versus broad stimulation, experimenting with sex toys, and varying your position like sitting versus lying down. 

3. Experiment with a trusted partner

The best way to learn what you enjoy during partnered sex is to try it out with a partner. Make sure you choose a partner who you can talk to about your curiosity, hesitations, and uncertainty. When you broach the subject, make sure to choose a time when they are in a headspace to talk about it and offer them time to think about it. If you decide to proceed, establish explicit expectations and a safe word. Afterwards, when you are ready, talk about how it went and whether or not you want to do it again.    

Reflection Questions

Understanding your feelings about sex may also help you better understand your desires. Here are some questions to guide your reflection so you can better understand what you want during sex: 

  • Are there parts of your body where you particularly enjoy being stimulated

  • Are there parts of your body that you do not want a partner to touch?

  • How do you feel about integrating sex toys or props into your sex life?

  • Do you have sexual trauma that needs to be taken into account?

  • Do you like dirty talk?

  • Do you want to take the lead or do you want to be led? 

  • How much stimulation do you want to receive versus give?

  • How do you want sex to make you feel? Do you want to feel loved, sexy, powerful, degraded, and/or something else? 

  • What type of genital stimulation do you prefer? 

  • Do you want to be penetrated?

  • What kind of sexual aftercare is important to you?

Takeaway

Knowing what you enjoy in bed is important for directing partners and maximizing your satisfaction. With techniques like self-exploration and reflection, you can hopefully figure out what works best for you. Factors like sexual trauma and shame can contribute to being unsure of your preferences. If you are experiencing roadblocks that are preventing you from learning your sexual desires, consider reaching out to a sex therapist.

Can Sex Therapy Boost My Libido?

If you’ve been experiencing a dip in your libido, you’re not alone. Many individuals and couples go through phases where sexual desire wanes, and this can be frustrating and concerning. One effective avenue to explore is sex therapy. But how exactly can sex therapy help boost your libido? Let’s delve into the ways it can support you in rekindling your sexual desire.

Understanding Libido

Before exploring sex therapy, it’s essential to understand what libido is. Libido refers to your sexual desire or interest in sexual activity, influenced by various factors including physical health, emotional state, relationship dynamics, and life circumstances. Changes in libido can be normal, but when it becomes distressing, seeking help can be beneficial.

The Role of Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a specialized form of therapy that focuses on addressing sexual issues. A qualified sex therapist can help individuals or couples navigate a range of concerns, from performance anxiety to communication barriers about sexual preferences. Here’s how sex therapy can specifically boost libido:

1. Addressing Underlying Issues

Often, low libido is a symptom of deeper issues—stress, anxiety, depression, or unresolved conflicts in a relationship. A sex therapist can help identify and address these underlying factors, providing tools to manage stress and improve emotional well-being, which can naturally enhance sexual desire.

2. Improving Communication

Many couples struggle with discussing their sexual needs and desires. A sex therapist can facilitate open and honest communication between partners, allowing them to express their feelings and desires without judgment. This improved dialogue can lead to greater intimacy and understanding, ultimately boosting libido.

3. Enhancing Emotional Connection

Emotional intimacy plays a significant role in sexual desire. Through therapy, partners can explore their emotional connection, work through past grievances, and strengthen their bond. When partners feel closer emotionally, their sexual desire often follows.

4. Exploring Sexual Preferences

Sometimes, low libido stems from dissatisfaction with sexual experiences. A sex therapist can help couples explore their sexual preferences and fantasies in a safe environment, encouraging experimentation and playfulness. This exploration can reignite passion and curiosity, leading to increased libido.

5. Addressing Physical Factors

Sex therapists often collaborate with medical professionals to address any physical factors affecting libido, such as hormonal imbalances, medication side effects, or health conditions. Understanding and managing these physical aspects can be crucial in restoring sexual desire.

6. Practicing Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Sex therapy often incorporates mindfulness practices to help individuals and couples become more attuned to their bodies and feelings. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and body awareness can reduce anxiety and increase present-moment enjoyment, enhancing sexual desire.

7. Setting Realistic Expectations

A sex therapist can help individuals and couples set realistic expectations about libido and sexual experiences. Understanding that fluctuations in desire are normal can alleviate pressure and create a more relaxed approach to intimacy, fostering a more enjoyable experience.

When to Consider Sex Therapy

If you’ve noticed a persistent decline in your libido that impacts your relationships or personal well-being, it may be time to consider sex therapy. It’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and many have found relief and improved connection after working with a sex therapist.

TLDR

Sex therapy can be a valuable tool in boosting libido and enhancing overall sexual health. By addressing underlying issues, improving communication, and fostering emotional connection, therapy can create a safe space for exploration and healing. If you’re struggling with low libido, consider reaching out to a qualified sex therapist to embark on a journey toward revitalizing your sexual desire and enhancing your intimate relationships. Remember, you deserve a fulfilling and joyful sexual life!

How to Figure Out What You Actually Enjoy During Sex

The first step to having satisfying sex is to understand what you enjoy. It is difficult for a partner to facilitate pleasure without any direction. Many people are uncertain of what they like or want for a variety of reasons. Cultural stigma and sexual shame can exacerbate this knowledge gap. So how do you figure out what you like in the bedroom? In this article, we’ll highlight how to better understand your own pleasure and offer reflection questions to guide your exploration.  

Practical Tips for Learning What You Like in Bed

Read and watch erotica

Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can include books, short stories, audio clips, drawings and more. Exploring erotica and taking note of what excites you will give you more information about what you may or may not enjoy during sex. 

Explore your body and masturbation

Before bringing a partner into the mix, try intentionally touching and exploring your own body. This should go beyond just your genitals, although that can be important too. Try different types of touch like gentle versus firmer pressure. Let go of your assumptions of what you are “supposed” to like and explore freely. You can also try different types of masturbation, like acute versus broad stimulation, experimenting with sex toys, and varying your position like sitting versus lying down. 

Experiment with a trusted partner

The best way to learn what you enjoy during partnered sex is to try it out with a partner. Make sure you choose a partner who you can talk to about your curiosity, hesitations, and uncertainty. When you broach the subject, make sure to choose a time when they are in a headspace to talk about it and offer them time to think about it. If you decide to proceed, establish explicit expectations and a safe word. Afterwards, when you are ready, talk about how it went and whether or not you want to do it again.    

Reflection Questions

Understanding your feelings about sex may also help you better understand your desires. Here are some questions to guide your reflection so you can better understand what you want during sex: 

  • Are there parts of your body where you particularly enjoy being stimulated

  • Are there parts of your body that you do not want a partner to touch?

  • How do you feel about integrating sex toys or props into your sex life?

  • Do you have sexual trauma that needs to be taken into account?

  • Do you like dirty talk?

  • Do you want to take the lead or do you want to be led? 

  • How much stimulation do you want to receive versus give?

  • How do you want sex to make you feel? Do you want to feel loved, sexy, powerful, degraded, and/or something else? 

  • What type of genital stimulation do you prefer? 

  • Do you want to be penetrated?

  • What kind of sexual aftercare is important to you?

Takeaway

Knowing what you enjoy in bed is important for directing partners and maximizing your satisfaction. With techniques like self-exploration and reflection, you can hopefully figure out what works best for you. Factors like sexual trauma and shame can contribute to being unsure of your preferences. If you are experiencing roadblocks that are preventing you from learning your sexual desires, consider reaching out to a sex therapist.