Sexual Health

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Sexual Senescence: How Sexuality Changes with Age and What to Do About It

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The only constant in life is change and sexuality is no exception. Over the course of a lifetime, a litany of factors will affect one’s sexuality and relationship with sex, including, but not limited to, age, biological sex, physical ability, hormonal changes, life circumstances, body image, and trauma. Even though it is common for one’s sexuality to evolve over a lifetime, the relationship between aging and sex, sometimes referred to as “sexual senescence,” remains shrouded in taboo and misconceptions. One such ageist misconception is that seniors do not experience sexual desire or have sex. This is an inaccurate assessment, many seniors do maintain a thriving sex life. In fact, many people feel that they have a more fulfilling sex life in older age because they know more about what they like and how to communicate it. This article is for seniors who want to have sex but are feeling limited by the effects of senescence. It will discuss the common limitations for seniors interested in having sex and how to address them.     

How does sex change with age?

Changes in sexual function are a common part of the aging process, though they are not universally experienced in the same way by all individuals. The impact of menopause and andropause is a key factor influencing sexual health and desire in later life. Medically speaking, menopause officially begins 12 months after a menstruating person’s last period. That being said, menopause is preceded by perimenopause, which can also present with symptoms that are disruptive to your sex life like lower libido. Menopausal people might experience vaginal dryness, atrophy, or a drop in estrogen levels, which can impact their enjoyment of sex. Similarly, andropausal people may experience a drop in testosterone levels and accordingly, erectile dysfunction which could impact their enjoyment of sex.

How can I improve my sexual health during aging?

Fortunately, there are some interventions to help with these hormonal changes. Lubricants, regular moisturizing, longer foreplay and estrogen therapy can help relieve vaginal dryness brought on by menopause. Andropause can cause erectile dysfunction which can be addressed with medications and healthful habits. Such medical interventions include testosterone therapy and oral medications like sildenafil or tadalafil. Consider talking to your doctor about your specific concerns and how to best address them.

Does sexual dysfunction increase with age?

Due to hormonal changes and other factors such as disability, medication, and energy levels, low libido is not uncommon among seniors. Depending on the cause of your low libido, the intervention will look different. Fortunately, you do not have to simply resign yourself to these obstacles and there are options for addressing low libido and desire discrepancy in a relationship.  

How do you maintain sexual health in older age?

Since conception is often less relevant in late adulthood, some people are tempted to take fewer precautions to practice safer sex. Unfortunately, age does not protect people from contracting sexually transmitted infections. This means it’s still important to use safer sex practices. Condoms, vaccinations, and regular testing are great ways to minimize the risk of STI transmission. 

 An active, fulfilling sex life is possible at any age. What is normal for one person or partnership varies, so it is most important to figure out how to approach sexuality as you age based on your specific needs. Remember that penetrative sex is not the only way to be intimate with someone. You could explore using sex toys, trying more solo and/or mutual masturbation, giving each other massages, oral sex, or skin to skin cuddling. As your needs, wants, and capabilities evolve, your approach to addressing them has to evolve too. If you have limitations due to aging that prevent you from engaging in specific sexual activities, that does not mean forgoing a great sex life.   

Takeaways

The most important part of navigating your evolving relationship with sexuality is to keep an open line of communication between you and your partner(s) about what you want and what works best for you in approaching your sex life. If you need emotional and logistical support figuring out how to supplement your sex life, consider working with a therapist.    

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Am I Addicted to Sex, or are my Sexual Behaviors Out-of-Control? What’s the Difference?

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Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Sexual behavior is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human experience that can vary significantly from person to person. When it comes to understanding and addressing problematic sexual behaviors, professionals use different models to conceptualize and treat these issues. Two commonly used models include the sex addiction model and the out-of-control sexual behavior model. This article will explore the key differences between these two models and clarify their unique approaches and perspectives.

Exploring the Sex Addiction Model

The sex addiction model is based on the belief that problematic sexual behaviors are akin to addiction, with individuals engaging in compulsive and out-of-control sexual behaviors despite adverse consequences. This model views problematic sexual behaviors as an addiction, with individuals exhibiting similar behavior patterns to those seen in substance addiction. It often focuses on the belief that individuals lack control over their sexual behaviors and engage in them to cope with emotional distress or other underlying issues.

The sex addiction model typically involves a 12-step program or similar approach adapted from addiction recovery models. It may include abstinence from certain sexual behaviors, as well as attending support groups, therapy, and working on relapse prevention strategies. Treatment may also involve addressing underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues that may contribute to the addictive patterns of sexual behavior.

Exploring the Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior Model

The out-of-control sexual behavior model, on the other hand, views problematic sexual behaviors as a symptom of an underlying issue rather than an addiction. This model emphasizes the lack of impulse control or difficulties regulating sexual behavior but does not necessarily categorize it as an addiction. It views problematic sexual behaviors as a coping mechanism for unmet emotional needs, unresolved trauma, or other underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues.

The out-of-control sexual behavior model typically involves a therapeutic approach that addresses the underlying issues contributing to problematic sexual behaviors. This may include exploring and resolving past traumas, developing healthy coping skills, improving emotional regulation, and managing relational dynamics that may impact sexual behaviors. It may also involve discussing and challenging unhealthy beliefs or patterns of thinking related to sexuality and relationships.

What are key differences between these two models?

1. Conceptualization of Problematic Sexual Behaviors

The sex addiction model views problematic sexual behaviors as an addiction, with individuals lacking control and engaging in compulsive behaviors despite negative consequences. The out-of-control sexual behavior model, on the other hand, considers problematic sexual behaviors as a symptom of an underlying issue, such as emotional distress or unresolved trauma.

2. Approach to Treatment

The sex addiction model often involves a 12-step or similar program focusing on abstinence from certain sexual behaviors and recovery strategies adapted from addiction recovery. The out-of-control sexual behavior model addresses underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues that contribute to problematic sexual behaviors; this approach involves developing healthy coping skills in therapy. Both approaches are informed by the conceptualization of the behavior by both the client and the therapist.

3. Language and Terminology

The sex addiction model uses language and terminology commonly associated with addiction, such as "addiction," "compulsion," and "relapse." The out-of-control sexual behavior model uses language that reflects a lack of impulse control or difficulties regulating sexual behavior without necessarily categorizing it as an addiction.

4. Emphasis on Underlying Issues

The sex addiction model views the behavior as the problem with limited exploration of other potential underlying issues. Essentially, it’s approached by working to eliminate the behavior, and then other problems will resolve themselves once you can control your sexual addiction. The out-of-control sexual behavior model significantly addresses the underlying psychological, cognitive, emotional, and relational issues that may contribute to problematic sexual behaviors. This may involve exploring past traumas, addressing emotional regulation skills, working on relational dynamics, and challenging unhealthy beliefs or patterns of thinking related to sexuality and relationships. Contrary to the sex addiction model, this model suggests that the behavior developed as a coping strategy for the other underlying issues at play but that the behavior itself may not be problematic in isolation.

Takeaway

When addressing problematic sexual behaviors, it's essential to recognize that professionals use different models and approaches. The sex addiction model and the out-of-control sexual behavior model are two common perspectives, each with unique conceptualizations and treatment approaches. It's essential to understand the differences between these models to decide which approach may be more suitable for an individual's needs.

If you're wrestling with problematic sexual behaviors, seeking professional help from a qualified therapist or counselor is essential. A trained professional can conduct a thorough assessment, understand the unique factors contributing to the issue, and develop a tailored treatment plan based on the individual's needs and circumstances. Whether it's the sex addiction or the out-of-control sexual behavior model, therapy aims to provide support, guidance, and tools to help individuals address the underlying issues and develop healthy coping strategies for managing their sexual behaviors.

Not everyone agrees on the concept of sex addiction, and there is an ongoing debate within the field of psychology regarding its validity as a diagnostic category. Some professionals may align more with the out-of-control sexual behavior model, the sex addiction model, or alternative approaches. It's essential to approach this topic openly and discuss any questions or concerns with a qualified therapist or counselor before beginning treatment.

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All About Lube: Which kind is right for you?

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Lubricant is perhaps one of the most versatile sex accessories out there. It’s a liquid or gel that mitigates unwanted friction during sex, making it a more comfortable experience. Nearly every sexually active person could benefit from having a dependable lube (or two or three) on hand. It’s even more handy for vulva-owners who can’t produce as much wetness as they’d like whether that’s due to aging, birth control, medication, or something else.

These days, there are a variety of lubes with different functions, from the classic friction-fighters to tingles, warming sensations, and more! No lube is one size fits all, and depending on what you plan to use it for, you’ll have to select accordingly. Some of the factors to consider are whether you’ll use it solo or with a partner, if the sex will be penetrative, whether you want to use it with sex toys (and if so, what material those sex toys are comprised of). This article serves as a guide to help you figure out which lube is right for you!    

a hand holds a banana against a purple backdrop. we see a nozzle in the center of the top of the image droping clear goo onto the banana. The banana already has a fair amount of goo dripping down it already

Water-based

Water-based lube is the most common type of lubricant. The benefits of using water-based lube are affordability and accessibility, easy clean up from skin and fabric, and they’re safe to use with condoms and every sex toy material. In terms of drawbacks, water-based lubes are absorbed into the skin quicker than their counterparts, leaving some sticky residue (which can be a drawback for those with sensory issues) and therefore you might have to reapply more frequently. Additionally, be on the lookout for water-based lubes that have a low osmolality, which means they have a higher degree of the product and few to no chemical ingredients because lubes with high osmolality are more likely to cause irritation.

Recommended water-based lubes:

dark blue water in the form of a splash up against a beige background

Oil-based

Oil-based lube is a very slippery, long-lasting option that even doubles as a massage oil! The extremely important-to-note caveat is that it cannot be used with condoms because it will degrade them. Another drawback is that they often will stain fabric.

Recommended oil-based lubes:

A tincture full of a yellow oil appears above its bottle dropping one drop in. In the background, there are white flowers out of focus.

Silicone-based

The longest lasting of the lubricants, silicone-based lubes are beloved for their endurance. They’re also the most popular lube for anal sex due to their durability. Plus, they even hold up under water, if shower sex is your jam. Like water-based lubes, silicone is safe to use with latex condoms. The drawbacks are that silicone lube is harder to remove from skin and fabric, it tends to be more expensive, and it can’t be used with any silicone-based sex toys because they will degrade.

Recommended silicone-based lubes:

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Hybrid lubricants

Hybrids are a mix of silicone and water lube to make it last longer. It won’t affect silicone toys in the way pure silicone lube will, and it offers easier cleanup than silicone too.

Recommended hybrid lubes:

Sensory lubricants

Sensory lubricants are lubes that are formulated to make you feel a sensation like warming or tingling. They’re a fun way to spice up your sex routine and try something new. Sometimes the ingredients needed to make the sensation can be irritants though (see ingredients to steer clear of below) so it’s important to be on the lookout for that.

Recommended sensory lubes:

two hands palms towards the camera making a "stay away" motion. The person connected to the hands as well as greenery are blurred in the background.

Lube ingredients to avoid

For every healthy lube on the market, there’s an equal number of cheaply made, irritant-filled lubes too. When you’re searching for your perfect lube, keep an eye on the ingredients list and try to avoid the following. If you’re curious about why you should avoid each, check out this Self article and this extremely comprehensive Phallophile Reviews guide.

  • Glycerin

  • Nonoxynol-9

  • Petroleum

  • Propylene glycol

  • Parabens (usually methylparaben)

  • Chlorhexidine gluconate

  • Diazolidinyl urea

  • Polyquarternium-15

against a purple backdrop, a partially unpeeled banana is laid against an eggplant and cucumber with its peel laying over them.

On the topic of lubes to avoid, though you might be tempted to use household products like baby oil, olive oil, or Vaseline - steer clear! Products that are not meant to be used in sensitive areas are comedogenic, can cause skin irritation and/or infection, and can alter vaginal pH. In a pinch you can try using something like coconut oil but that shouldn’t be your first choice and it does pose the aforementioned risks.

Since lube touches the most sensitive areas of your body, it’s important to find a compatible, safe option for your life and anatomy. It may take some trial and error to figure out your favorite but it’s worth it! A good lube can make all the difference and improve the pleasurability of solo or partnered sex.    

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