The only constant in life is change and sexuality is no exception. Over the course of a lifetime, a litany of factors will affect one’s sexuality and relationship with sex, including, but not limited to, age, biological sex, physical ability, hormonal changes, life circumstances, body image, and trauma. Even though it is common for one’s sexuality to evolve over a lifetime, the relationship between aging and sex, sometimes referred to as “sexual senescence,” remains shrouded in taboo and misconceptions. One such ageist misconception is that seniors do not experience sexual desire or have sex. This is an inaccurate assessment, many seniors do maintain a thriving sex life. In fact, many people feel that they have a more fulfilling sex life in older age because they know more about what they like and how to communicate it. This article is for seniors who want to have sex but are feeling limited by the effects of senescence. It will discuss the common limitations for seniors interested in having sex and how to address them.
How does sex change with age?
Changes in sexual function are a common part of the aging process, though they are not universally experienced in the same way by all individuals. The impact of menopause and andropause is a key factor influencing sexual health and desire in later life. Medically speaking, menopause officially begins 12 months after a menstruating person’s last period. That being said, menopause is preceded by perimenopause, which can also present with symptoms that are disruptive to your sex life like lower libido. Menopausal people might experience vaginal dryness, atrophy, or a drop in estrogen levels, which can impact their enjoyment of sex. Similarly, andropausal people may experience a drop in testosterone levels and accordingly, erectile dysfunction which could impact their enjoyment of sex.
How can I improve my sexual health during aging?
Fortunately, there are some interventions to help with these hormonal changes. Lubricants, regular moisturizing, longer foreplay and estrogen therapy can help relieve vaginal dryness brought on by menopause. Andropause can cause erectile dysfunction which can be addressed with medications and healthful habits. Such medical interventions include testosterone therapy and oral medications like sildenafil or tadalafil. Consider talking to your doctor about your specific concerns and how to best address them.
Does sexual dysfunction increase with age?
Due to hormonal changes and other factors such as disability, medication, and energy levels, low libido is not uncommon among seniors. Depending on the cause of your low libido, the intervention will look different. Fortunately, you do not have to simply resign yourself to these obstacles and there are options for addressing low libido and desire discrepancy in a relationship.
How do you maintain sexual health in older age?
Since conception is often less relevant in late adulthood, some people are tempted to take fewer precautions to practice safer sex. Unfortunately, age does not protect people from contracting sexually transmitted infections. This means it’s still important to use safer sex practices. Condoms, vaccinations, and regular testing are great ways to minimize the risk of STI transmission.
An active, fulfilling sex life is possible at any age. What is normal for one person or partnership varies, so it is most important to figure out how to approach sexuality as you age based on your specific needs. Remember that penetrative sex is not the only way to be intimate with someone. You could explore using sex toys, trying more solo and/or mutual masturbation, giving each other massages, oral sex, or skin to skin cuddling. As your needs, wants, and capabilities evolve, your approach to addressing them has to evolve too. If you have limitations due to aging that prevent you from engaging in specific sexual activities, that does not mean forgoing a great sex life.
Takeaways
The most important part of navigating your evolving relationship with sexuality is to keep an open line of communication between you and your partner(s) about what you want and what works best for you in approaching your sex life. If you need emotional and logistical support figuring out how to supplement your sex life, consider working with a therapist.
