How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

How Do I Know If It’s Time to See a Sex Therapist for Low Desire?

Experiencing low sexual desire can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes worrying. If you’ve noticed a decrease in your interest in sex, you may be wondering whether it’s normal or if professional support is needed. Low desire is common, and it’s treatable with the right guidance. For those living in Chicago, Embrace Sexual Wellness therapists can help you identify the causes of low libido and provide strategies to improve sexual satisfaction and intimacy.

What Is Low Sexual Desire?

Low sexual desire, also called hypoactive sexual desire or low libido, is a reduced interest in sexual activity that affects both individuals and couples. Some signs may include:

• Fewer sexual thoughts or fantasies

• Avoiding sexual activity with your partner

• Feeling emotionally disconnected during intimacy

Common Causes of Low Desire

Low desire often results from a combination of factors including:

• Biological factors: Hormonal changes, chronic illness, medication side effects, fatigue

• Psychological factors: Stress, anxiety, depression, past trauma, body image concerns

• Relationship factors: Communication issues, emotional distance, unresolved conflict, mismatched sexual needs

Understanding the root causes is essential, as low desire rarely has a single explanation.

How to Know When It’s Time to See a Chicago Sex Therapist

Not every dip in sexual desire requires therapy; signs that professional support can help include:

• Persistent low interest: Desire has been low for months and affects your satisfaction

• Stress or guilt about sex: Anxiety or shame around sexual activity

• Relationship strain: Ongoing tension, conflict, or reduced emotional connection

• Emotional distress: Sadness, frustration, or lowered self-esteem due to low desire

• Physical factors not improving: Libido remains low despite addressing medical or hormonal issues

If these signs resonate, it may be time to consider working with a Chicago sex therapist or a combination of individual and couples therapy.

How a Chicago Sex Therapist Can Help

A sex therapist in Chicago provides specialized support for individuals and couples experiencing low desire. Therapy may include:

• Evidence-based techniques: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Psychoeducation: Understanding sexual response, desire cycles, and common myths

• Practical exercises: Communication strategies, intimacy-building activities, and mindfulness practices

• Individualized support: Tailored approaches addressing physical, psychological, and relational factors

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we offer therapy in-person in Chicago or online via telehealth, making it accessible and flexible for busy schedules.

Self-Reflection: Are You Ready for Therapy?

Before booking a session, reflect on your experience:

• How long have you noticed low desire?

• How is it affecting your relationship or emotional well-being?

• Have you tried lifestyle changes, stress reduction, or self-help strategies?

• Are you open to exploring deeper emotional, psychological, or relational factors?

Even if you’re unsure, book a free 10 minute phone consultation with one of our Chicago sex therapists.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is low sexual desire normal?

Sexual desire naturally fluctuates throughout our lifetime. People who experience persistent low desire that causes distress or impacts their relationship may benefit from sex therapy.

2. What’s the difference between a sex therapist and a general therapist?

A sex therapist specializes in sexual health, intimacy, and desire, addressing physical, emotional and relational factors, while a general therapist may not have this specialized training. The process of talk therapy may feel similar, but the overall focus and expertise is more significant in sex therapy.

3. Can therapy improve desire for couples?

Absolutely. Couples therapy combined with sex therapy can help partners reconnect emotionally and sexually, improving desire and satisfaction. It’s common for partners to have relational concerns that overlap with sexual intimacy ones.

4. How long does therapy take to improve low desire?

The timeline varies depending on individual circumstances. Some notice improvements in a few sessions, while others may take several months. The key is consistent, guided practice and exploration.

Taking the First Step in Chicago

Low sexual desire is common and treatable. Seeking support from a sex therapist is a proactive step toward reclaiming intimacy and emotional connection. Therapy isn’t just about “fixing” sex. Instead, it’s about improving communication, emotional closeness, and overall sexual wellness.

If you’ve been experiencing persistent low desire, or if it’s causing strain in your relationship or self-confidence, scheduling a consultation with our team of Chicago sex therapists can help you:

• Understand the underlying causes of low desire

• Learn strategies to reignite sexual interest and cope with differences

• Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy with your partner

TLDR

Recognizing the signs of low desire and seeking professional support can transform your sexual and relational well-being. A sex therapist provides a safe, supportive space to explore challenges, gain clarity, and develop tools to improve desire and intimacy. Your sexual wellness is important, and taking this step shows commitment to both yourself and your relationship.

Why Don’t I Want Sex Anymore, and Is Something Wrong With Me?

If you’ve found yourself thinking, “I just don’t want sex anymore,” you’re not alone.
Maybe sex used to feel exciting or connecting, or maybe it’s always been complicated. But now, it feels like something you avoid, feel pressure around, or just don’t think about at all. It’s confusing. Sometimes scary. And for many people, the first question that follows is:

“Is something wrong with me?”

The short answer: no. But your experience does deserve attention, care, and support.

Low sexual desire, or no desire at all, is incredibly common, especially among women in long-term relationships who are juggling work, parenting, emotional labor, or unresolved relationship tension. It’s also one of the most common concerns clients bring to therapy.

Let’s break down why desire can shift, what it might be trying to tell you, and how working with a therapist can help you feel more connected to yourself and to your partner.

What Does It Mean If I Have Low Sexual Desire?

Desire isn’t a fixed personality trait. It ebbs and flows across our lives and relationships. So when you notice a change in your interest in sex, that’s not a flaw or failure, it’s a signal.

Desire often fades in response to something (e.g., stress, resentment, exhaustion, disconnection, or even internalized shame about sex). But instead of interpreting that signal with curiosity, many people assume it’s a reflection of their identity or worth.

In reality, desire is complex. It can be relational, emotional, hormonal, psychological, or all of the above. And with the right support, it’s often possible to understand it, and reclaim it, on your own terms.

It’s also important to note the difference between low sexual desire and asexuality. Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, not a dysfunction or problem to fix. A person who is asexual may experience little or no sexual attraction, and that’s a healthy part of their identity. In contrast, low desire usually feels like a change from what’s been typical for you, or something that’s causing distress or tension in your relationship. If you’re unsure where you fall, therapy can help you explore that with curiosity and care.

Why You Might Not Want Sex Right Now

Here are just a few of the common (and very valid) reasons desire might be low:

Mental Load and Overwhelm

For many women, sex doesn’t just require time, it requires mental space. When your mind is full of to-do lists, caregiving responsibilities, and work stress, it’s hard to feel present or open to physical connection.

Burnout and Emotional Fatigue

Chronic stress and burnout have a major impact on our nervous systems. When you’re in survival mode, your body prioritizes rest and regulation over arousal or intimacy. It’s biology, not personal failure.

Disconnection or Resentment in the Relationship

Desire needs safety and closeness to thrive. If you feel emotionally distant from your partner, or if there’s unspoken frustration, miscommunication, or unequal labor in the relationship, it’s no surprise that intimacy starts to feel less appealing.

Sex Hasn’t Felt Good in a While

If past sexual experiences have felt pressured, unfulfilling, or one-sided, your body may begin to anticipate more of the same. This can trigger shutdown or avoidance,.not because you’re broken, but because your nervous system is protecting you.

Hormonal Changes or Medical Factors

Perimenopause, postpartum recovery, chronic pain, and certain medications can all affect desire. It’s important to understand how physical and hormonal shifts are impacting your experience, not to pathologize, but to make space for healing.

When Low Desire Impacts Your Relationship

In many couples, low desire creates a pattern of tension: one person initiates; the other pulls away; both feel frustrated, rejected, or confused. Over time, this can lead to emotional distance, decreased physical affection, or feelings of inadequacy.

It’s easy to assume that a lack of sex means something is fundamentally wrong with the relationship. Often, lack of interest in sex is not about the relationship at all, it’s about the conditions the relationship is existing in.

That’s where therapy can help.

How Sex Therapy Supports Healing and Connection

Whether you’re working individually or as a couple, therapy can be a powerful way to better understand your relationship with desire and gently shift it.

You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit. Many clients seek support when they simply notice: “I’m not feeling like myself,” or “I miss the intimacy we used to have.”

Here’s what therapy can offer:

A Shame-Free Space to Explore What’s Happening

You don’t have to explain or justify why sex feels different right now. A skilled therapist creates space for you to name what’s real, without fear of judgment or pressure to “fix” anything quickly.

Tools to Regulate the Nervous System

Many people experiencing low desire are operating in a state of chronic stress or hypervigilance. Therapy can introduce mindfulness-based tools that help you feel safer, calmer, and more attuned to your body.

Support for Couples to Reconnect

In couples therapy, we work to reduce pressure around sex and strengthen emotional intimacy. That might look like practicing more open communication, addressing longstanding resentment, or redefining what connection means in this season of your life.

Reframing What Desire Really Is

Desire doesn’t always look spontaneous or urgent. Sometimes it’s responsive, meaning something that builds when you feel relaxed, cared for, and emotionally safe. Therapy helps you explore your unique template for desire, without comparison or shame.

What If I’m Not Sure Where to Start?

That’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out. In fact, therapy is a place to not have all the answers.

If you’re in the Chicago area, or looking for virtual support across Illinois, our team at Embrace Sexual Wellness offers compassionate, trauma-informed sex therapy that meets you where you are.

We specialize in working with individuals and couples navigating low desire, performance anxiety, and emotional or sexual disconnection. Whether you’re looking for support on your own or with your partner, we’re here to help you take the next right step.

Signs You Might Benefit from Therapy

You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to reach out. Therapy might be helpful if:

• You feel disconnected from your body or desire

• Sex feels like a duty, not a choice

• You and your partner have stopped talking about intimacy

• You feel guilt, shame, or confusion about your level of desire

• You want to feel more present and connected during intimacy

You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.

Low desire is not a flaw. It’s a signal, a cue from your body and mind that something deserves attention. And like most things in therapy, that signal can become a starting point for healing, growth, and deeper connection.

You don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’re curious about working with a therapist to explore your relationship with sex, we invite you to reach out to our team of providers. Whether you’re based in Illinois or another state we’re licensed in, support is available.

8 Effective Techniques to Revitalize a Stagnant Sex Life and Rekindle Passion

What Techniques Can Revitalize a Stagnant Sex Life?

A stagnant sex life is a common issue that many couples face at different stages of their relationship. While it can sometimes feel awkward or uncomfortable to address, recognizing that a lack of passion or connection is affecting your intimacy is the first step toward revitalization. Whether due to the pressures of everyday life, a lack of communication, or simply the passing of time, the good news is that there are many effective techniques and practices to reignite the spark and deepen your sexual connection.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we believe that a healthy, fulfilling sexual life is essential for maintaining a strong emotional bond between partners. Here, we will discuss several practical tips and exercises that can help couples reignite the passion and enhance their intimacy.

Open Communication: The Foundation of Reconnection

Before diving into physical techniques, it’s important to emphasize the significance of open and honest communication in the relationship. Many couples experience a decline in their sex life because they fail to talk about their desires, fantasies, and concerns. Misunderstandings or unmet needs can lead to frustration and disconnection.

Actionable Tip: Schedule a “relationship check-in” where you discuss your sexual needs and preferences. Create a safe, judgment-free space where both partners can express their feelings openly. This is not a time to criticize but to collaborate and understand each other’s emotional and physical desires.

Exercise: Practice active listening. Take turns sharing what you love about your intimate connection, and what you feel might be missing. Reflect on your partner’s words and ask follow-up questions to demonstrate genuine interest.

Exploring New Positions and Techniques

Sometimes, a lack of variety in sexual activity can lead to a sense of boredom or routine. Introducing new sexual positions, techniques, or play can provide fresh stimulation and excitement. Exploring different ways to be intimate can reignite physical passion and break free from repetitive patterns.

Actionable Tip: Try experimenting with positions that allow for more intimacy and deeper connection. You can also explore different types of touch, such as soft caressing or more intense, passionate movements, to see how your bodies react to new forms of stimulation.

Exercise: Take turns picking new positions and techniques to try. One partner might introduce a position they’ve read about or seen, and the other can suggest a new type of foreplay. The idea is to make it a playful exploration rather than a performance-focused experience.

Sensual Massage to Build Intimacy

A sensual massage is one of the most effective ways to reconnect with your partner and reawaken the senses. This intimate experience helps couples relax, de-stress, and focus on each other’s bodies. The power of touch, whether soft strokes or firm pressure, can spark feelings of closeness and heighten arousal.

Actionable Tip: Set the mood with soft lighting, calming music, and a comfortable space. Use scented oils or lotions to make the experience even more luxurious. The goal is to take your time and focus on your partner’s body, exploring their sensitive spots and allowing for emotional and physical connection.

Exercise: Try a “give and take” massage session. One partner gives a relaxing massage while the other surrenders to the experience. Afterward, switch roles. This builds trust and intimacy while helping each partner understand what feels good for the other.

Mindfulness and Sexual Presence

Mindfulness isn’t just for meditation—it can be a powerful tool in the bedroom as well. Being present in the moment during sexual activity helps couples enjoy each other’s company without distractions. When both partners focus entirely on the experience, it can intensify the physical and emotional connection.

Actionable Tip: Focus on your partner’s body, breathing, and movements rather than worrying about performance or rushing to the end. Slow down and enjoy the sensations as they come. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring yourself back to the moment.

Exercise: Engage in a mindful breathing exercise before sex. Take slow, deep breaths together, allowing your focus to shift toward relaxation and connection. Notice how your partner feels—every touch, kiss, and sigh—and use that awareness to enhance the experience.

Spice Up Foreplay: Don’t Rush to Orgasm

Many couples experience stagnation because they fall into a predictable sexual routine. One common issue is rushing straight into intercourse, neglecting the importance of foreplay. Foreplay helps build anticipation and arousal, making the overall experience more enjoyable for both partners.

Actionable Tip: Take time to explore each other’s bodies through kissing, touching, and other forms of affectionate physical contact. Use this time to focus on pleasure, not just performance. Experiment with different types of foreplay, from light teasing to sensual massages, to create an atmosphere of desire.

Exercise: Create a “foreplay challenge” where each partner introduces a new foreplay activity they’ve been curious about or would like to try. This could include a new type of kiss, playful role-playing, or taking turns using toys or props to enhance intimacy.

Introduce Erotic Play or Fantasy Exploration

Fantasy and erotic play can be a fun way to explore new desires and fantasies in a safe, consensual environment. It allows partners to escape the pressures of daily life and tap into their creative, playful sides. The key is to ensure both partners feel comfortable and open to the idea, with boundaries and consent respected at all times.

Actionable Tip: Talk openly about your fantasies whether it’s a role-playing scenario, a particular type of touch, or a different sexual dynamic. Discuss what feels exciting without judgment, and explore ways to incorporate these elements into your sex life in a way that feels enjoyable and exciting.

Exercise: Try reading erotic literature or watching sensual films together. These can provide inspiration and help open the door for creative discussions about new possibilities. Another option is to create a "fantasy bucket list" together and set a goal of exploring one new fantasy each month.

Engage in Sexual Wellness Practices

Taking care of your physical and mental health can have a significant impact on your sex life. Practices like regular exercise, a healthy diet, and stress management can improve energy levels, mood, and overall physical well-being, making it easier to feel relaxed and enthusiastic about intimacy.

Actionable Tip: Incorporate regular physical activity, like yoga or cardio, to boost circulation and enhance sexual health. A balanced diet rich in vitamins and minerals can also improve energy and stamina, which are important for a satisfying sex life.

Exercise: Practice pelvic floor exercises, such as Kegels, to strengthen muscles associated with sexual function. Both men and women can benefit from these exercises, which can increase arousal and improve orgasm quality.

Seek Professional Help if Necessary

Sometimes, the causes of a stagnant sex life may be more complex than what can be solved through communication or lifestyle changes alone. Issues such as hormonal imbalances, stress, past trauma, or relationship difficulties may require professional intervention.

Actionable Tip: If you find that issues persist or feel unable to navigate them on your own, consider seeking help from a certified sex therapist who specializes in sexual health and relationships. They can provide personalized guidance to address the unique challenges your relationship may be facing.

Revitalizing a stagnant sex life requires patience, communication, and a willingness to explore new avenues of intimacy. By practicing the tips and exercises above, you and your partner can rekindle the passion in your relationship, deepen your emotional bond, and create a more fulfilling sexual connection.

We are committed to helping individuals and couples embrace their sexuality and improve their relationships. Remember, a satisfying sex life is a journey, not a destination. Take it one step at a time and enjoy the experience!