How to Create Habits That Last

This time of year is often framed as a transformative one: a time to move towards your best self, to create new habits, and rid yourself of the old ones. There is a lot of pressure to self-improve around this time but rest assured, if that’s not something you want or need right now, there’s no obligation. If, however, you think you do want to try to use the new year as an opportunity for change, let’s talk about how to go about it in a healthy, sustainable way.

Get SMART

• SMART is an acronym pertaining to setting realistic goals that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Specific goals should answer the “w” questions: what, when, where, which, and why. The “why” is arguably one of the most important parts of the equation because it’s the fuel and motivation that will keep you invested in your goal. Measurable means establishing a metric by which to measure your progress. Achievable means the goal is realistic. Relevant goals align with your current lifestyle and your values. Time-bound goals follow a timeline instead of being indefinite.

Try habit swapping

• Habit swapping is pretty much what it sounds like: swapping an undesirable habit “A” with a more desirable habit “B.” This involves first identifying your current habits and routines. For example, if you want to cut down on drinking alcohol after work, maybe try using that same time in your routine to experiment with new mocktail recipes instead.

Try habit pairing

• Habit pairing uses an incentive to entice you to partake in the behavior you want to increase. For instance, if you want to meditate more and you already make yourself coffee every morning, try using the time you wait for the coffee to brew to do a quick meditation. By pairing a desired habit with an existing, and more pleasurable, habit, you have increased incentive to stick to it.

Use opposite to emotion action

• Dialectical behavioral therapy outlines a skill called “opposite to emotion action.” This means you act in a way that goes against your emotional impulse. For example, you might be irritated and overwhelmed and therefore tempted to skip out on doing your yoga for the day. If you can push past that initial resistance and get yourself to start doing the yoga, you might be pleasantly surprised to find it improves your mood. Of course there are always exceptions to this and if you truly do not feel capable of something due to your emotional state, you should respect your own boundaries. It takes practice to figure out where to draw that line.

Creating a new habit takes patience and frequent repetition before it gets more automatic. Stressors can come up and it is important to give yourself the grace to be imperfect and instead of using those moments to beat yourself up, try to frame it as a learning opportunity.Continuing to put time into self care is also helpful in building sustainable, healthy habits. Finally, remember that anything worth doing is worth doing halfway because something is far better than nothing.  

Indoor and Outdoor Cold Weather Activities For the Whole Family

Wintertime is here and though the chilly weather might make you want to hibernate, keeping yourself occupied is a great way to offset the gloominess of the season. Whether you prefer to stay indoors or explore the wintery landscape, there are many family friendly options to explore.

Outdoors

1) Try ice skating

If you own your own skates, you can try to find a frozen pond in your area but only after you make sure it’s safe! If you don’t own skates or you don’t have access to a safely frozen body of water, see if there’s a nearby rink.

2) Sledding

A classic wintertime staple, the joy of sledding is hard to beat. If you don’t own a sled, see if there’s a local friend to let you borrow one. 

3) Snow sculpture competition

Nothing like some casual competition to foster some family bonding! Here’s an article about creative snowman building, but your imagination is the limit! 

Indoors

1) Baking

The warm smell of spices and baked goods wafting through the house is a surefire way to increase coziness immediately. Plus, the process is a fun collaborative activity too! Here are some winter baked good recipes.

2) Arts and Crafts

Working with your hands is fun and mentally stimulating. Plus, you end up with some cute winter themed decor! Here’s a bunch of winter decor crafting ideas. 

3) Family Book Club

This might be tricky if your kids are Nothing like some casual competition to foster some family bonding! Here’s an article about creative snowman building, but your imagination is the limit! too young or too far apart in age, but try a family book club. You can set aside one night a week where you have a favorite meal together and talk about the book.

Stay warm, happy, and healthy this winter! 

Looking to Enjoy Sex When Trying to Conceive? Here Are 4 Tips

Conceiving is an exciting time for a lot of reasons, but sexiness isn’t generally known as one of them. The process of trying to conceive for some can border on business at times between tactics like tracking ovulation cycles and scheduling sex. Regardless of efficacy, this definitely takes some of the fun and pleasure out of sex and it can start to feel like more of a chore than anything else. Having sex with a goal doesn’t mean it has to be devoid of fun! Here are some tips for enjoying sex while conceiving is on the brain:

1) Switch it up

• Perhaps an obvious point, but an important one nonetheless, keep it fresh! Whether that means trying out sex toys, new positions, BDSM/kink, shared erotica or porn, new times of day, or another tactic, keeping it fresh will help retain the excitement that sex brings.

2) Try to enjoy the journey even though the motivation behind the sex is destination-oriented

• When you’re having sex more frequently than you might otherwise, it’s tempting to want to cut to the chase and skip the foreplay. All this will do in reality is diminish your enjoyment, and potentially make it harder to have sex at all; for instance, if you can’t produce lubrication because you haven’t had enough foreplay, penetration might not work at all. All this is to say that foreplay is worth the time and will make sex feel less like a chore. Furthermore, it will help you feel more connected to your partner and more at ease.

• A related point is to try to have both “goal oriented” sex for your conception journey and additionally, sex just for fun. If all your sex is goal oriented, the stress and pressure begins to be associated with sex might serve to discourage you from having it.

3) Spontaneity versus scheduling

• There are pros and cons to spontaneous sex versus scheduling sex. Spontaneous sex might feel more natural and less pressured, while scheduling sex allows for synchronicity with fertility cycles. Ultimately, it will depend on the personalities of the people in the relationship which one works better, but leave the door open for a combination of both (or at least try not to get stuck in the thought that one is empirically better than the other).

4) Spend some time apart

• This might seem counterintuitive to your ultimate goal but in fact, time apart will allow you both to have more “me time” to care for yourself. Conceiving to have a child is not only a physically process but an intensely emotional one and you owe it to yourself to care for yourself properly. Additionally, too much time together can be suffocating and make it hard to feel sexy when the time comes, so do yourself a favor and spend time alone.

Congratulations on your decision to try to conceive, and hopefully some of these tips will help you ensure that the journey is as enjoyable as possible while getting you where you want to be! If you continue to struggle to enjoy sex while conceiving and it becomes an issue, consider speaking to a sex therapist like one of the professionals at Embrace Sexual Wellness.