Condoms for Coitus: Types of Condoms and Tips for Best Usage

Condoms get a bad rap. Most of that is made up of misconceptions though, which is why we’re here to clear them up. The reality is that condoms are an invaluable tool for safer sex. They are currently the only barrier method to effectively prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). You may be thinking “but I don’t have any STIs!” but in actuality, you can have asymptomatic, yet still transmittable STIs. The only way to ensure you do not have an STI is to get tested regularly. Condoms help prevent the transmission of STIs. It should be noted, there is no shame around STIs; they’re natural and they happen. That being said, most people would prefer to avoid them! 

Types of Condoms

When you think of a condom, you probably think about a latex sheath that rolls over any phallic object, be that penis or otherwise. Within this category of external condoms, there are a variety of options that differ in effects and material. There are also internal condoms.

Here are a few of the most common types of condoms:

• External 

  • This is the condom you know and (maybe?) love. They are widely available, affordable, and 98% effective when used correctly. 

• Internal 

  • Internal condoms, much less popular than their inverted sibling, are essentially a pouch that's inserted in the vagina or anus. It works like other condoms, except that it's worn on the inside.

• Spermicide-coated

  • There are traditional condoms that are sold with a sperm-killing chemical on them. It is debatable whether the amount is significant enough to make a difference. The best bet, if you are interested in spermicide, would be to use a separate spermicide product in conjunction with condoms.

• Polyurethane

  • Polyurethane condoms are an option for anyone who has a latex allergy. The biggest downside is that these are slightly more prone to breakage which is not a great quality for a condom. This means it is even more important than usual to have an additional contraceptive method on board with these types of condoms. An upside of these condoms is that polyurethane tends to be thinner than latex and may offer a preferable sensation for the person wearing them.

• Flavored

  • Flavored condoms are exactly what they sound like: regular condoms that have flavors. These are best for oral sex, as opposed to vaginal or anal intercourse. As an aside, yes, you should be using condoms even for oral sex. The flavor has the potential to enhance the experience for the giver of oral sex but they should not be used inside any orifice of the body (e.g., vagina or anus) because the ingredients that create the flavor might cause irritation if used internally.

• Textured

  • Textured condoms are also exactly what they sound like: regular condoms but with texture. While the texture offers no protective benefit, it may provide additional pleasure for the recipient of intercourse. It can be fun to experiment with different textures and evaluate how they impact the sexual experience. 

Tips

• Always make sure your condom fits snugly but not so tightly it might break. Size is a huge factor in condom efficacy. 

• Do not reuse condoms. 

• Condoms expire! Regularly check their expiration date to make sure yours are still good to go; if not, they are far more likely to break. 

• If your condom is not already lubricated, apply lube to the body before insertion to decrease friction (high friction leads to breakage).

• Do not keep a condom in your wallet. The heat and friction are a recipe for breakage. 

• Find a condom that you enjoy the feeling of, or at the very least do not mind. This way, you’ll be far more likely to use them. 

• Do not use condoms with oil-based lubricant or any other oil-based product like baby oil or Vaseline. They will cause the condom to deteriorate. 

• Do not wear more than one condom. It’s unnecessary at best and can lead to breakage at worst. 

• For marathon sessions or longer sexual encounters, switch out condoms about every 30 minutes to prevent breakage. 

Happy National Condom Month! Now that you are aware of condom best practices, you can enjoy yourself while practicing safer sex with peace of mind.

Desire Discrepancy: What It Is And What You Can Do

Differences in libido within a sexual relationship are bound to happen at some point and it is even more likely in the context of a global pandemic. These differences, sometimes called desire discrepancy, can be a huge source of tension between partners and it’s not always within our control. There are tons of factors that play into our desire for sex and with so many variables, it can feel difficult to understand. That’s why we’re going to cover the factors involved and what to do about it. 

Factors Influencing Libido

There are a litany of factors that influence our libido, which is why it can fluctuate ever so frequently. Particularly in a time when more or less everyone’s stress level is heightened, libidos are all over the place. Many people are experiencing a shift in how their libido functions and fluctuates; annoying for sure, but definitely normal. There are several reasons this fluctuation occurs, within or outside pandemic times.  

• Hormones/Biology

  • Hormones fluctuate for a variety of reasons like a menstrual cycle, stress (more on that next), and aging. As hormones fluctuate, they can affect your libido. This is a pretty unavoidable factor, but understanding how and when your hormones fluctuate might help you understand changes in your libido. If you’re seriously concerned about how your hormones shift and the outfall from that, talk to your medical provider.  

• Stress 

  • Stress does some pretty crazy things to the body, including affecting libido. It both physically and mentally influences your desire to have sex. Physically, your hormone production changes when you’re under stress like increased cortisol, which lowers libido. Mentally, when you have a busy brain you can’t mindfully enjoy sexual pleasure as much and it can even preclude you from orgasming. Plus, stress by definition puts a strain which is exhausting, yet another reason you might not be feeling up to getting down.

• Medication

  • Some types of medications can suppress libido as a side effect, especially antidepressants. If this is the case for you and it is significantly hindering your enjoyment of life or otherwise undesirable, talk to your doctor about possibly adjusting your medication(s). 

• Trauma

  • Any trauma, but especially sexual trauma, can negatively affect libido. Everyone reacts to trauma differently; some people become more sexual, some don’t want anything to do with sex, and some fall in between. 

• Relationship to our bodies 

  • Lots of people struggle with loving their own body, especially during a pandemic when people are stress eating and lacking access to their usual exercise resources. If you’re feeling particularly down about your body, it could be affecting your sexual interest. When you feel unattractive or uncomfortable in your skin, it’s less likely that you’ll want to expose yourself and be vulnerable in that way with another person.

What Can I Do? 

While this is a frustrating issue, it’s not insurmountable! Don’t despair just yet because there are lots of things you can try.

• Schedule sex

  • So many romanticized sex scenes involve passionate, spur of the moment heat. That doesn’t mean that planned sex is any less hot though! It doesn’t have to be a buzzkill to the thrill; the lead-up and tension building to the time compound the excitement and anticipation. Especially in longer term relationships, sex can move to the back burner in favor of more urgent priorities. For healthy relationships (that involve people who do typically want to have sex, as opposed to people who do not typically want sex) sex can be both a fun, connecting experience and a way to increase physical and emotional intimacy. For these reasons, it’s important to incorporate consistent sexual encounters into your life! Scheduling sex allows this to be a more conscious process of incorporation. It can relieve some of the stress of initiating sex and ensures that you make time for it. Of course, this isn’t an iron-clad schedule! If the time rolls around and someone isn’t feeling it, there should be no obligation to follow through. Perhaps you can agree on another pleasurable activity that everyone is up for, even if it’s not sex, like like cuddling or kissing, which is elaborated on below.

• Determine the root issue

  • When applicable, try to solve the root issues of a lacking libido (in the instance that this is not your norm). If it’s stress, consider working with a psychotherapist to develop coping strategies and stronger self-care habits. If it is body image, do some body positive activities, join support groups on social media, speak to a psychotherapist, and read up. You get the point, effects on libido are a symptom; to really solve it long term, you need to address the root.  

• If you wanna get something done, do it yourself

  • Self-pleasure is important to a healthy sex life both because it helps you know your own body and preferences better, and because it nurtures your need for sexual fulfillment. It won’t be the same as partnered sex but that doesn’t mean it’s “worse”. Masturbation isn’t the “backup option” for sex; both masturbation and sex can, and for many people should, exist in a healthy sex life. For those wanting to treat themselves, consider investing in sex toys from a body-safe shop like Spectrum Boutique, Unbound, or Peepshow Toys.

• Consider an open relationship 

  • Open relationships won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but they’re worth considering especially if mismatched libido is a persistent issue and causes tension in the relationship. One of our recent blog posts offers a guide for people considering an open relationship. 

• Say no 

  • Everyone has the absolute, unquestionable right to say “no,” no questions asked. That being said, it might be beneficial for a relationship if when someone says no to sex, that they provide reassurance. This can help the person wanting sex to avoid feelings of undesirability or otherwise negative thoughts. 

• Explore non-sexual intimacy 

  • Sometimes the desire for sex is rooted in a desire for physical touch. Even if one person involved in the relationship isn’t wanting sex, it’s worth having a conversation about how to incorporate other types of physical touch like cuddling or kissing routinely. It can increase feelings of intimacy and care without involving sex and this compromise can assuage the tension around mismatched libidos. 

• See a sex therapist 

  • While there tends to be stigma around sex therapy, there shouldn’t be! Sex therapy, for either an individual or for partners, is a great resource, particularly if differences in libido persistently cause conflict in a relationship. Embrace Sexual Wellness offers individual, relationship and sex therapy so if you’re feeling like you need a facilitator to help you out, go for it. Investing in the wellness of yourself and your loved one(s) is essential to your happiness, regardless of whether that involves psychotherapy.  

Desire discrepancy isn’t anyone’s fault. Try to practice some empathy and think about how your partner might feel in addition to you. And always remember: this issue, like all other relationship issues, isn’t one partner’s fault (and so on and so forth when there are more than two involved); it’s you all against the problem. 

3 Tips For Supporting Your Mental Health in 2021

The COVID-19 pandemic has affected all of us in some way. The prevalence of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues have increased significantly. Thousands of people lost employment, and even more lives have been lost due to COVID-19 or COVID-19 related complications. Many parents are feeling the pressure of balancing working from home while simultaneously managing their children’s remote learning. Social isolation has resulted in chronic loneliness and boredom which can be detrimental to our mental health and wellbeing. People are also struggling to connect more than ever. The sudden cataclysmic events have brought to light the frightening realization that spending time alone was not something we were prepared for. Below are just a few ways to support your mental health this year: 

Source: Gunshow Comic

1. Start a Hobby

Staying productive and starting a new hobby can have a positive effect on your mood. Hobbies come in all shapes and sizes and budgets! The benefits of engaging in a new hobby are numerous. Having a hobby can help get you out of work mode and take you out of your everyday routine. Some hobbies such as online video games, require a social element which can help ease feelings of loneliness. What’s most important is to find a hobby that brings you pleasure.

Source: Buzzfeed 

2. Find Meaning in Each Day

At the beginning of the pandemic, people were panic-buying supplies out of a fear of scarcity. The need to feel safe, secure, and find some sense of purpose when isolated helped many sustain some semblance of normalcy. Viktor Emil Frankl, a Austrian psychiatrist and psychotherapist said, “life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” When it is impossible to change your surroundings, you are challenged to change yourself and your cognitions. Frankl reiterated that you can find meaning by expressing yourself creatively, interacting authentically with your surroundings, and changing your attitude about a situation. 

3. Make Self Care a Priority

According to the International Journal of Nursing Studies, having a self care routine contributes positively to mental health and can lead to a longer life. The World Health Organization defines self care as the ability to promote, prevent, and maintain your health with or without the support of a healthcare provider. Self care can look differently for everyone -- it is generally best to experiment to discover what works best for you. 

Some examples of self care include:

• Moving your body. This could look like engaging in some gentle stretching, going for a walk, or dancing around your home. Research shows that engaging in aerobic exercise can boost self esteem and promote mental wellbeing. 

• Getting quality sleep. Giving yourself the opportunity to rest and recharge is essential for your mental health.

• Taking a break from screens. Excessive screen time has been shown to have negative effects on mental health. 

• Meditating. Incorporating meditation or mindfulness meditation into your day can improve cognitive function and feelings of overall well being. 

• Taking in natural sunlight. Your circadian rhythm signals your body when to sleep, and when to be active. Controlling your exposure to sunlight or bright lights can help you sleep better at night and wake up refreshed. 

• Baking a new recipe. Baking is a great way to express creativity and practice mindfulness which can reduce stress.

• Tending to your garden or house plants. Snake plants can survive with minimal amounts of care and they help filter the air. Even better, fill your home with cacti, as long as they get some light they don’t care if you forget about them for a while. According to Jennifer Scriven, a Business Development Manager at Axcess Merchant Services, having cacti on your desk can increase productivity and reduce stress. 

Whatever you decide to do, be compassionate with yourself through this process until you find what works best for your needs. Reducing your stress and focusing on improving your mental health will benefit not only you, but those around you. Gradually incorporate these changes to prioritize your mental health and stay motivated.