Ethical Porn: What Is It and How Do I Find It?

Porn is a great tool to enhance your sex life, but it’s also an ethical landmine. There is nothing inherently unethical about porn in a conceptual sense but unfortunately, in practice, the unregulated porn production industry is rife with exploitation and abuse. There’s sexual assault, racism, pedophilia, and unsafe working conditions, just to name a few. In light of this, there are some porn companies and individuals working to improve industry standards and produce porn ethically.

So what makes porn “ethical” or not? Ethical porn involves informed consent, performers treated with respect, safe working conditions, and fair compensation for those involved. These higher standards mean that ethical porn is rarely free, in order for the performers and crew to get sufficient pay. It’s important to remember that accessing porn is a luxury and privilege, not a right, and it shouldn’t be accessed at the cost of human exploitation.

In addition to production standards, ethical porn also often shows real sexual pleasure as opposed to it being over exaggerated, as well as portrays performers with diverse body sizes, races, sexualities, ages, and abilities. It’s important to acknowledge that because ethics are subjective, different people have different perspectives on what makes porn ethical. For example, some people might argue that fantasy content about dehumanizing storylines (e.g. hostile sexism), regardless of whether or not it was consensual, is unethical. The definition of ethical porn provided above covers the bare minimum requirements for ethical porn but beyond that, the definition is a gray area.

When looking for ethical porn, do research on the porn production company’s philosophy and standards. For example, some companies will include the consent process prior to filming so you can hear from the performers directly.

This might seem like a lot of work, particularly compared to simply typing in a keyword on PornHub and finding a video. And in a sense, it is easier, but it’s not better. Supporting ethical porn, especially when you pay for it, means you’re supporting sex worker rights and fair working conditions. Fortunately, we have recommendations and additional databases for accessing ethical porn for you! Here are a few of our favorite companies, excerpted from this Embrace Sexual Wellness resource page.

• Aorta Films 

• Bellesa

• Dipsea Stories

• Erika Lust Cinema

• Make Love Not Porn

• Pink Label TV

• X Confessions

And if you’re still seeking more suggestions, here are a few resources:

• Feminist Porn Awards

• List of LGBTQ+ Independent Porn Performers by WhatsMyBodyDoing

• Recommendations From QueerSexTherapy

It’s okay if you weren’t aware of the difference between ethical and unethical porn prior to reading this, and now that you’re equipped with this information you can support better porn and porn performers. Responsible porn consumption is an important part of a healthy sex life and hopefully these tips and suggestions will allow you to integrate it into yours. 

Why Does It Hurt Down There? Here's How to Address Pelvic Pain

The pelvic floor muscles refers to the hammock-like musculature that supports your pelvic organs and therefore they are an essential part of executing bodily functions like ridding of stool and pee, and having sex. Like anything else in your body, they can weaken throughout the normal aging process leading to concerns like incontinence, or general pain and discomfort.

Differences between people assigned female versus male at birth

Everyone has a pelvic floor regardless of their gender or reproductive anatomy. Pelvic floor health has different implications depending on the type of anatomy it’s supporting. For people assigned female at birth (AFAB), the pelvic floor muscles support the uterus, bladder, and bowel, and the anus, vagina, and urethra all pass through this group of muscles. The pelvic floor is strongly involved in pregnancy and this is a common cause of pelvic floor dysfunction. For people assigned male at birth (AMAB), the pelvic floor muscles support the bladder and bowel, and the anus and urethra pass through them. Unfortunately, there is next to no research or information about transgender and intersex people and their pelvic floor health.

Common Pelvic Floor Concerns

Having pelvic muscles that are too weak or too tight can cause concern; the idea is to find a balance. Pelvic floor concerns might be the cause of additional problems but it can also be a symptom of conditions like endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and menstrual cycle cramping.

If untreated, pelvic floor imbalances can cause:

• Sexual dysfunction

  • Sexual dysfunction conditions relating to pelvic floor health include dyspareunia (AFAB people) and erectile dysfunction (AMAB people).  

• Pelvic pain

  • Pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD) is “the inability to correctly relax and coordinate your pelvic floor muscles to have a bowel movement.” It’s more commonly experienced by people assigned female at birth. Symptoms associated with it in addition to pain (usually exacerbated by sexual intercourse or certain movements) are incontinence, bloating and constipation, and lower back pain. 

• Bladder concerns

• If your pelvic muscles are too weak, you may struggle with a frequent urge to pee or an inability to hold in pee. This is often an aftereffect of pregnancy and giving birth. 

• Bowel problems

• Similar to bladder concerns, weak pelvic muscles sometimes struggle to hold in gas or poop, leading to bowel incontinence. On the other end, you might also experience constipation and straining pain when trying to poop. 

Options for Addressing Pelvic Floor Concerns

• Medication

  • Medication options will differ depending on the root cause of pelvic floor concerns. Hormonal based therapies like GnRH, Progestin, and oral contraceptives may be used to treat pelvic floor concerns associated with reproductive conditions such as endometriosis. For pain, over the counter medications like Tylenol can be used. If an infection is the source of pain, you may be prescribed antibiotics. Before starting any medication, discuss with your doctor to make sure it’s the right route for you and that it won’t cause adverse effects.   

• Relaxation techniques

• If your pelvic floor is too tense, you might want to try relaxation techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing and pelvic girdle stretches. 

• Physical therapy

• If your effort with pelvic floor exercises at home don’t work for you or if you’re just seeking professional guidance, physical therapy is a good option. 

• Pelvic floor exercises

• Kegels are the most well known pelvic floor exercise and they’re a great way to strengthen those muscles. Click through on the link above to get more details on how to properly do pelvic floor exercises.

Pelvic floor health is a buzzy topic on social media these days, especially on TikTok. We would caution you against taking any of that advice prior to speaking with a qualified health professional who knows you personally. If your pelvic floor concerns are causing mental distress, consider seeing a sex therapist. For those located in Illinois, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to see if we’re a good fit for you.

5 Ways to Engage in Sexual Self-care

Self-care is a buzzword these days. So much so to the point that we know we should be caring for ourselves but are lost on where to even start. At the end of the day, people are talking about it for a reason and connecting to our needs is paramount to exploring and finessing our vibrant, holistic selves. One of the most salient and yet least talked about are sexual needs. Here are five ways you can take care of your sexual self:

1) Connect with your body outside of sexually charged contexts

Your sensual self is always a part of you. Yes, even when sex is the last thing on your mind! At the end of the day, sex is a bodily experience that can be experienced with presence and intention. Just as a musician will care for their instrument daily, our bodies respond well to fine-tuning. Here are some ideas for body connection:

• Daily movement - walking is a great place to start

• Dancing - I personally love to put on my favorite song(s) and follow the impulses in my body to move in whatever way feels good

• Stretching, yoga, and pilates

2) Pampering

Pampering is a great way to feel sexy. This may include manipulating body hair in a way that feels good to you, exfoliating your body with a scrub, or self-massage. Great places to start with self-massage would be your hands, feet, and scalp, then explore from there!

3) Schedule sexual intimacy

You may be thinking “Boo! Scheduling sex isn’t fun!” to which I’d respond, “Well, at least the people scheduling sex are getting some” 👀 If it is important to you, sex, like most things in your life, needs to be prioritized. Scheduling sex can be seen as lacking spontaneity but a quick reframe to see it as an exciting thing on the calendar can do the trick! Scheduling sex may be with a partner or partners, but you can also schedule solo play. Putting these encounters on your schedule gives you a chance to prepare emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. to be in a place where you can engage in the scheduled activity with ease and intention.

4) Switch it up

Muscle memory serves us positively in a lot of ways, but the other side of that coin is limiting ourselves to a small set of sexual likes that we adhere strongly too. A huge aspect of sexual self-care is to have an openness to your sexuality which requires a healthy dose of curious exploration. Here are some ideas on how you can switch it up:

• Explore your own erogenous zones with varying types of touch, texture, and pressure

• Use your other hand when masturbating

• Slow Down – just because you had to frantically finish self-pleasure as a kid, doesn’t mean you have to engage in the same frantic mindset as an adult. Think about the many elements of music that come together to make a song, this is the breadth of possibilities you have in front of you. Your time with yourself could be an insurance commercial or it could be a top hit. Give yourself permission to take time to create your own masterpiece.

5) Share your discoveries 

We have a lot at our fingertips and unfortunately a comprehensive sexual education isn’t one of them. This lack of education has led to a large percentage of our population experiencing some level of shame connected with sex or sexual desires. Brene Brown teaches that the antidote to shame is empathy, and a fast track to empathy is sharing (and of course listening). As you engage in some of the suggestions outlined above, share your experiences with a safe partner, friend, or loved one. This might be one the most important acts of sexual self-care: pursue your sexual self-care and share your discoveries.