4 Things to Consider Before Moving in Together

Moving in with a partner or partner(s) is a big step which can be equally scary and exciting. The best way to ensure the most comfortable arrangement for everyone involved is to carefully consider all the implications of living together. This is a guide to help you cover all your bases when figuring out this important decision. 

Assessing If You’re Ready

There’s no definitive timeline that will suit every relationship so it’s important to take stock of all the factors involved. Some important considerations are:

1. Are your schedules compatible? 

2. Are there reasons to move in together aside from financial necessity? 

3. Have you ever cohabited for limited amounts of time? How was that experience? What were some points of tension? 

4. Are you ready to voluntarily surrender part of your independence now that your lives will be more entangled? 

5. If the relationship is non-monogamous, how will that fit into sharing a living space?

Personal Space 

Living with someone else means a lot of shared time together. Some people enjoy being with their partner most of the time, but others need more time to themselves. These questions can help decide how you will create personal space within a shared home: 

1. How much personal space do you need on a regular basis? How will you make space when you're in the same house/apartment? 

2. Personal time is essential for self-care and you will need to negotiate new boundaries around personal time when you live together. Here are some ways to navigate conversations about needing some space.  

3. Do you need your own physical corner or space in the living quarters? If so, where are those and what are the boundaries around them?

Maintenance of a shared space 

The way you keep your space might not feel like a big deal immediately, but it can cause a lot of problems if you each prefer to keep your things in drastically different ways. For example, someone who is very neat and tidy may start to feel resentment if their partner has piles of clothes on the floor. Conversely, someone who is a little messier may feel annoyed by a partner who keeps asking them to pick up their things. Here are some questions to consider about maintenance: 

1. How do you like to keep your space? Are you tidy/messy? How do you feel about living with someone who may keep their space differently from you? 

2. How can you delegate chores and hold each other accountable? 

Communication

What communication skills do you have in place with your partner to discuss problems as they arise? Living together can bring up a lot of new feelings or issues that weren't there previously. How will you work on them together as a team? There will be a learning curve to trying something new. Try to be patient with each other while you navigate new obstacles together.

This is an exciting adventure in your relationship that you get to go on together! It’s important to commit to be honest, kind, and patient with one another to make your transition as easy as possible. If you need extra support through this process, relationship therapy is a great option. For those in Illinois, Embrace Sexual Wellness can help!

How to Respond If Your Child Takes Off Their Clothes in Public

There are many wonderful things about having kids but one of the most challenging among them is their seemingly random urge to strip down regardless of context. At the wrong time, this can be incredibly inconvenient, but rest assured that it’s normal behavior. Children don’t yet have a full understand of societal norms; all they know is that they want their clothes off their bodies. While adults may understand that stripping down in the middle of a cafe isn’t appropriate, children may not. The only way to curb the issue is to first understand the root cause. This will vary from child to child, of course, but some of the most common reasons are sensory discomfort, dealing with overwhelming emotions, and getting attention. When addressing the issue, you should not only strive to teach them why taking off their clothing in certain contexts is inappropriate, but also how to productively address their needs in alternate ways. To you, it may be an inconvenience, but for your child it may be a form of communication.

Root cause aside, that doesn’t necessarily help you in the midst of an anxiety provoking moment when your child decides that the grocery store is their dressing room. First of all, try not to give an extreme reaction. Drawing more attention to the behavior will escalate the circumstances for everyone involved. Easier said than done, but an emotional outburst will do nothing but worsen the situation. Instead, excuse yourselves and find as private a place as possible to help them redress. If you have a moment before you have to rejoin whatever public space you were in, ask them if there was a reason and if so, how you two can address that need together. Then, gently but firmly explain that while there is nothing wrong with being naked, it is only appropriate in certain contexts, and that you’ll speak about it at length later on. It’s important to stress that there is nothing shameful or wrong about the state of being naked.

Having a conversation about social norms is part of the larger conversation about boundaries - both society’s and your child’s. Use this opportunity to discuss consent, when being naked is or is not appropriate, and social norms. Down the line, this will tie into larger conversations about consent in contexts like physical touch and interpersonal boundary setting. 

After all is said and done, don’t forget to take care of yourself. This can be a stressful issue to navigate and you deserve to take a few moments to decompress so you can continue being the best parent you can be.

4 Ways to Cultivate Creativity in Relationships

Creativity is a fundamental way of facilitating interpersonal connection. Intentionally incorporating creativity can help you learn about yourself and your partner(s) and can help deepen your bond. The great news is that there are really no rules when it comes to creativity which is exciting and a little intimidating! These tips can help get you started.

1. Discuss new sexual interests

Once we find sexual activities we enjoy, it is easy to repeat them until they start to feel boring. This is especially true in longer term relationships. One way to break out of that cycle is to bring up new sexual interests. These could be activities you’ve enjoyed in the past, activities that you’ve heard of and find appealing, or activities you’ve fantasized about. Be open with your partner about what turns you on outside of your usual repertoire. You might be surprised by how much your interests overlap!

2. Explore erotica together

What if you aren’t sure about new things that turn you on? Erotica or porn can provide inspiration. You could read or watch alone and share what you’d like to try after, or watch together if that feels more comfortable. There are plenty of erotica and porn websites available, but these are some recommendations from us at ESW.

3. Practice Playful flirting

Flirting is fun way to communicate desires to a partner. You can tell a partner things about them that turn you on or things you’d like to do with them. You can even turn your flirting into a role play. The best part is that, nowadays, you don’t even need to flirt in person. Sexting via text or video/audio messages can take off some of the pressure that can come from in person flirting.

4. Plan novel dates

Think past dinner and a movie. There are so many other fun date plans to choose from, and the novelty of trying something different can feel really exciting. Consider activities you’ve wanted to try but haven’t yet. Some ideas include:

• Taking a cooking class together

• Going to a paint and sip event

• Going to a new museum or art exhibit

• Walking around a part of your city you haven’t been to yet

• Hiking around a new area

Remember, these ideas are just a starting point. Once you’ve tried some of these options, consider going further and exploring new ways to keep the creativity alive in your relationship!