Moving in with a partner or partner(s) is a big step which can be equally scary and exciting. The best way to ensure the most comfortable arrangement for everyone involved is to carefully consider all the implications of living together. This is a guide to help you cover all your bases when figuring out this important decision.
Assessing If You’re Ready
There’s no definitive timeline that will suit every relationship so it’s important to take stock of all the factors involved. Some important considerations are:
Are your schedules compatible?
Are there reasons to move in together aside from financial necessity?
Have you ever cohabited for limited amounts of time? How was that experience? What were some points of tension?
Are you ready to voluntarily surrender part of your independence now that your lives will be more entangled?
If the relationship is non-monogamous, how will that fit into sharing a living space?
Personal Space
Living with someone else means a lot of shared time together. Some people enjoy being with their partner most of the time, but others need more time to themselves. These questions can help decide how you will create personal space within a shared home:
How much personal space do you need on a regular basis? How will you make space when you're in the same house/apartment?
Personal time is essential for self-care and you will need to negotiate new boundaries around personal time when you live together. Here are some ways to navigate conversations about needing some space.
Do you need your own physical corner or space in the living quarters? If so, where are those and what are the boundaries around them?
Maintenance of a shared space
The way you keep your space might not feel like a big deal immediately, but it can cause a lot of problems if you each prefer to keep your things in drastically different ways. For example, someone who is very neat and tidy may start to feel resentment if their partner has piles of clothes on the floor. Conversely, someone who is a little messier may feel annoyed by a partner who keeps asking them to pick up their things. Here are some questions to consider about maintenance:
How do you like to keep your space? Are you tidy/messy? How do you feel about living with someone who may keep their space differently from you?
How can you delegate chores and hold each other accountable?
Communication
What communication skills do you have in place with your partner to discuss problems as they arise? Living together can bring up a lot of new feelings or issues that weren't there previously. How will you work on them together as a team? There will be a learning curve to trying something new. Try to be patient with each other while you navigate new obstacles together.
This is an exciting adventure in your relationship that you get to go on together! It’s important to commit to be honest, kind, and patient with one another to make your transition as easy as possible. If you need extra support through this process, relationship therapy is a great option. For those in Illinois, Embrace Sexual Wellness can help!
