Things to Know If Your Partner Is Asexual (And You Aren’t)

Asexuality is often a misunderstood sexual orientation. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. This does not necessarily mean they do not have sex or do not want a romantic relationship. Asexuality is a spectrum, so some asexual people still have sex for reasons other than attraction, such as enjoying the attention, while others are sex averse and do not want to engage in any form of sex. Distinct from asexuality, aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction or desire. Sometimes asexual people are also aromantic, but not always. Asexual people who do want a romantic relationship may be wary of becoming involved with an allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) due to the mismatch in sexual needs. This article will discuss how to make a mixed-orientation relationship work, because it is possible! 

How to make a relationship work if your partner is asexual (and you aren’t)

Seek mutual understanding

When there is a discrepancy in wants, needs, and experiences between partners, it is important to have an open and honest dialogue about each others’ experiences. For the allosexual partner, understand that asexuality is not a personal jab, nor a choice. For the asexual partner, understand that whether or not sex is an important facet of feeling fulfilled for you, it may be for your partner. Just because someone is asexual does not mean that they never have sex. Being on the same page regarding willingness to have sex is important. If they do not want sex at all though, there are still ways to work with that.  

Address unmet needs

Finding alternative ways to meet needs for intimacy and affection will look different in every relationship dynamic so do not be afraid to experiment. Some options are cuddling, making out, and sensual massages as alternative physical intimacy activities. Additionally, prioritizing activities that both partners find fulfilling outside physical intimacy can strengthen the emotional bond and intimacy. Another option is to consider opening up the relationship. If one partner wants more sex than the other, that need can be outsourced so everyone’s boundaries and needs are being respected. However, non-monogamy is not for everyone so make sure you do your research and talk about the pros and cons before diving in. That being said, for some, it is a way to honor each partner’s needs while preserving the relationship. In any relationship, it is crucial to address unmet needs to avoid resentment or incompatibility which starts with clear communication. This does not always come naturally to everyone and if this is the case, sex therapy can help.  

Try sex therapy

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for mixed-orientation relationships. Sex therapists are professionally trained to help people navigate sexual concerns and improve communication, which is exactly what this sort of situation requires. In sex therapy, partners can explore alternative forms of physical intimacy and develop strategies for addressing sexual discrepancies in a supportive environment. Sex therapists can also provide education about asexuality and help partners understand one another’s perspectives more deeply.

Takeaway

Mixed-orientation relationships are absolutely possible to navigate with patience, understanding, and open communication. Asexuality, as a spectrum, encompasses a variety of experiences and it is essential for both partners to respect and validate each others’ identities and needs. By communicating, addressing unmet needs, and considering sex therapy, the relationship has the best odds of honoring everyone’s needs.  

Additional Resources

• Relationship FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network 

• What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 

• 14 Things to Know About Dating as an Asexual Person 

• What Is Asexuality: Myths and Truths About Being Asexual 

• Is Asexuality Even Real? | YouTube

• Understanding the Asexual Community | Human Rights Campaign 

• Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown 

• Curious About Differences in Desire? Here Are 3 Tips to Address Desire Discrepancy

• Is A Relationship Just Friendship With Sex? 

• Being Ace: An Anthology of Queer, Trans, Femme, and Disabled Stories of Asexual Love and Connection by Madeline Dyer  

4 Communication Mistakes to Avoid When Talking About Sex with a Partner

Relationships require communication on a multitude of topics. One of the more difficult topics for folks to broach tends to be sexual intimacy. In this article, we’ll explore common communication pitfalls when talking about sex and introduce practical ways to foster open and honest conversations for a more satisfying sexual relationship.

The Connection Between Sex and Communication

Picture communication as the bridge that connects the emotional dimensions of a relationship with physical expression. When communication is smooth, it nurtures emotional closeness, trust, and understanding. Conversely, a communication breakdown can lead to misunderstanding, unmet needs, and a palpable strain on partners’ sexual connection.

What Makes Talking About Sex Difficult?

Discussing sex can feel uncomfortable due to societal taboos, personal insecurities, and the influence of cultural norms. The fear of judgment and societal expectations can act as barriers, preventing individuals from expressing their desires or addressing concerns openly. Remember that everyone is navigating these same barriers making us more alike than dissimilar.

How Communication Affects Sex

Contrary to common misconceptions, discussing sex is crucial for a healthy relationship. Open communication about desires, boundaries, and preferences forms the foundation for fostering intimacy. Avoiding these conversations can lead to misunderstandings, unfulfilled needs, and a gradual erosion of the overall health of the relationship. Effective communication is the pillar for a satisfying and mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. When partners feel heard, respected, and understood, they are more likely to openly share their desires. This, in turn, allows for the exploration of new experiences and collaborative navigation of challenges. Seeking the guidance of a sex therapist can provide valuable tools and strategies for improving communication in this sensitive area.

Common Communication Mistakes to Avoid

Making assumptions

Instead of assuming your partner's desires or expectations, create an environment that encourages open dialogue. Ask questions, express curiosity, and genuinely seek to understand each other's desires and boundaries.

Criticizing your partner

Rather than pointing out flaws or expressing dissatisfaction, frame your feedback positively. Encourage improvement by emphasizing your partner's strengths, fostering an atmosphere of growth rather than critique.

Staying silent

Instead of sidestepping the topic, initiate conversations about sex in a comfortable and non-confrontational manner. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and create an environment where both partners feel safe sharing their thoughts.

Disconnecting Emotionally

Instead of solely focusing on the physical aspects of sex, prioritize building emotional intimacy. Engage in activities that deepen your emotional connection, fostering an environment where both partners feel more connected and understood.

TLDR

Effective communication is essential to sexual intimacy. Avoiding common pitfalls like assumptions, criticism, silence, and overlooking emotional connection is crucial. Instead, foster open dialogue, frame feedback positively, initiate conversations comfortably, and prioritize emotional intimacy. Open communication can have a positive impact on sexual relationships, allowing for the exploration of desires and collaborative problem-solving. Remember, a healthy relationship hinges on trust, respect, and the ability to openly communicate about all aspects, including intimate ones.

What Self-Awareness Really Is and How It Can Improve Your Relationships

In the intricate tapestry of human connections, self-awareness serves as the golden thread that weaves through the fabric of our relationships. Understanding oneself is the cornerstone of building meaningful connections with others. In this blog post, we will delve into the significance of self-awareness, exploring how it can be nurtured and harnessed to enhance the quality of our relationships.

What is Self-Awareness?

At its core, self-awareness is the ability to introspectively recognize and understand one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It involves a deep, honest reflection on one's values, strengths, weaknesses, and motivations. Essentially, it's the conscious knowledge of oneself and the ability to see oneself objectively.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness acts as a compass, guiding us through the complexities of life and relationships. It provides a foundation for personal growth and development. When we are in tune with our thoughts and emotions, we can make informed decisions and navigate challenges more effectively. In relationships, self-awareness is the secret sauce that fosters empathy and understanding. It enables individuals to communicate more authentically, clearly expressing their needs and desires. Knowing oneself lays the groundwork for building healthier connections with others.

How Self-Awareness Improves Relationships

Self-awareness can improve relationships by enhancing communication. Self-aware individuals are better equipped to express themselves openly and honestly. They can communicate their feelings, needs, and expectations with clarity, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings. Self-awareness can also build empathy and understanding which facilitates understanding others. When we are aware of our own emotions and reactions, we become more attuned to the feelings of those around us. This heightened empathy strengthens the emotional bonds in relationships. Finally, self-awareness is crucial in navigating conflict productively and healthily. Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. However, self-awareness allows individuals to approach conflicts with a level-headed perspective. Instead of reacting impulsively, they can navigate disagreements with a focus on resolution rather than escalation.

Is Self-Awareness a Helpful Way to Build Good Interpersonal Relationships?

Absolutely! Self-awareness is the cornerstone of healthy interpersonal relationships. Self-awareness forms the basis for trust, as individuals who are in touch with their emotions and actions are perceived as authentic and reliable. Moreover, self-awareness fosters a sense of accountability, as individuals take responsibility for their impact on others. In essence, self-awareness can be the glue that binds individuals in relationships, creating an environment of mutual respect and understanding.

What Does Awareness Mean in a Relationship?

In a relationship context, awareness extends beyond knowing oneself. It involves being attuned to the needs, emotions, and experiences of the other person. This mutual awareness forms a strong foundation for connection, as both individuals feel seen and valued. Awareness in a relationship means actively listening, being present, and understanding that each person brings a unique perspective to the partnership. It's a shared journey of growth and discovery, where both individuals contribute to the relationship's flourishing.

TLDR

Self-awareness is key for personal growth and effective life navigation. In relationships, it fosters empathy, authentic communication, and trust. The post highlights how it enhances communication, builds empathy, and aids in conflict resolution. Self awareness can also emphasize the importance of understanding another person's needs for a shared journey of growth. Therapy can be a great way to explore self-awareness and how one can show up in their relationships more fully and authentically.