Considering Dating as a Single Parent? Here are 3 Tips to Consider

Being a single parent is a tall order, to put it mildly. Add in the idea of dating, and it can be so overwhelming you don’t even know where to start. The good news is that you’re far from alone given that according to a 2019 Pew Research Center study found that the United States has the world’s highest rate of children in single-parent households. This means there are also plenty of tips and support from other single parents to be found out there. This article will offer an overview of some single parent dating tips, as well as additional resources to further your preparation. 

1) Upfront honesty is key

• If you neglect to mention that you have a child(ren) in the beginning stages of talking to someone, there’s a bigger risk of wasting your time with someone who isn’t okay with that. Save yourself the anxiety and bring it up sooner rather than later.

2) Search for a partner before searching for a co-parent

• Of course your child(ren) is your first priority so this might sound counterintuitive. This is not to say that you shouldn’t prioritize pursuing people who could potentially make a good parent, if that’s what you’re looking for. Rather, it is merely to say that you need to make sure someone will be good for you before you can judge whether or not they’re good for your child(ren). It might be tempting to try to focus on finding a parent for the sake of your child, especially when they start to question the absence of one of their parental figures, but you’re not dating for your kids (or if you are, you might not be ready to date). You’re dating for you first.

3) Consider what reasonable expectations look like for you, for your potential partner, and for a potential relationship

• Some important things to think about are…

  • How much free time do you have?

  • How much mental capacity do you have available to give your energy to another person?

  • When, if ever, would you be comfortable with introducing your child(ren) to a partner?

  • How serious of a relationship do you want?

These are just a few things to think about before diving into dating. If you’re wanting to do more research and learn more about single parent dating, here are some additional resources:

• Dating Apps for Single Parents To Find Someone Who Gets It 

• The Best Dating Podcasts for Single Parents

• Single Parenting Article Archive (Parents.com)

• Single Parent Support Group Options Available to Anyone 

• Dating and the Single Parent | Baker Publishing Group  

Anxiety Getting in the Way of Sex? Here Are Some Tips

Anxiety comes in many forms, from generalized to circumstantial to sexual and beyond. Any type of anxiety has the potential to interfere with your sex life. If you're experiencing anxiety, it's important to know that you aren't alone. The good news is that anxiety can be addressed and there are tools to make it easier to have the sex life you want. Sometimes, stigma surrounding anxiety makes it difficult to openly talk about it or to ask for help but in reality there is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Regardless of how you experience anxiety or why, it can affect how you connect with people and yourself which is why it gets in the way of sex. Anxiety has the potential to lower your libido, deflate your confidence, stop you from asking what you want, and prevent you from achieving orgasm - just to name a few effects. You need to figure out the root of your anxiety in order to address it properly. For instance, if your anxiety stems from body insecurity, you may try to spend your energy working on your body image; if your anxiety primarily stems from something like mental illness, this may not be the most efficient way to help your anxiety. Ultimately, there is no one size fits all treatment so it will likely take trial and error to figure out what works best for you. 

Here are some ways to help with anxiety and your sex life:

• Try to be non-judgmentally mindful and stay in the moment. This is easier said than done but if your mind is constantly wandering during sex, it’s hard to enjoy yourself. You can find tips for being more mindful during sex here.

• Talk with your partner(s) about your experience with anxiety. Letting them know that you are experiencing anxiety may alleviate some feelings by getting it out in the open to address. This way, you and your partner can try to work on the problem as a team, as opposed to you navigating it alone.

• Take the pressure off of “goal oriented sex,” like expecting penetration or an orgasm as an integral part of “successful” sex. Physical intimacy takes many forms and unlearning expectations about what it “should” look like can help you enjoy yourself more.

• Give yourself grace. Anxiety is not your fault and you deserve to be patient with yourself as you work through it.

• Therapy is a great option for addressing anxiety if it’s available to you. Consider reaching out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to get in touch with a therapist today!

Feeling Sad After Sex? Here Are A Few Ways to Manage Postcoital Dysphoria

Postcoital dysphoria (PCD), sometimes colloquially referred to as post-sex blues, is the name for feelings of sadness or agitation that may come up after consensual sex, regardless of how satisfying, loving, and/or enjoyable it was. People of any gender or sexuality can experience PCD with varying levels of frequency. If you do experience PCD, it can feel frustrating to have an emotional reaction that doesn’t necessarily align with your true feelings regarding the sex. Though the cause of PCD will vary from person to person, there are a few potential causes to consider including insufficient aftercare, expectations being unfulfilled, and underlying trauma or shame. Here are a few ways you might consider managing your PCD. 

Evaluate if your sexual aftercare routine is serving you effectively

Aftercare is “a way for you and your partner(s) to communicate, debrief, and love on each other after the session is finished in however way feels most fulfilling to your specific needs.” Though it started as a BDSM practice, anyone and everyone can utilize aftercare to regulate post-sex emotions. Aftercare can look like anything from cuddling to verbal validation to eating chocolate, and you might have to do some trial and error to figure out what works for you. Practicing post-sex rituals like this help transition from the emotional and physical intensity of a sexual encounter back into reality.

Journaling

Journaling about your PCD feelings can help process them and get to the root of the issue. This Well and Good article offers some important prompting questions to guide your journaling: 

• Was it before, during, and/or after sex that you started feeling something distressing?

• Is this feeling familiar to anything you've felt at another time in your life?

• Did your behavior work in alignment with your values?

• Are you satisfied with how you were treated?

• Is there anything you regret about the experience?

Be kind to yourself 

As frustrating as PCD is, it’s important not to blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, nor did you do anything wrong by experiencing it. Unkind thoughts only fuel the fire and may worsen the emotional distress. 

These tips may help lessen your distress, but to truly address it, you may need to seek professional help. If you’re consistently struggling and your sex life is challenging as a result, or if trauma is at the root of your PCD, or even if you just feel like you can’t deal with this alone, it might be time to check in with a sex therapist like the providers at Embrace Sexual Wellness.