The 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships

Attachment styles are how each of us reacts to our needs and how we get them met. They are established in early childhood through various experiences that then influence and produce similar patterns throughout one’s entire life. The four types are secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. It’s important to note that while these labels provide helpful guides to understanding yourself and others, they might not fit perfectly and they are not a rigid, unflinching analyses of one’s behavior and mindset.

Secure 

Secure adults tend to feel secure in their relationships, as the name might suggest. Their relationships are often honest, open, and independent. As children, secure adults likely had a caregiver who served as a reliable figure as they tested independence. This feeling of security in the relationship allows for independence and connectedness simultaneously. They tend to hold a positive self-image and positive image of others.

Anxious-Preoccupied 

Anxious-preoccupied attachments are defined by uncertainty in relationships, which often means that instead of love and trust, someone is in a frequent state of emotional hunger. Emotional hunger is a “condition of pain and longing which people often act out in a desperate attempt to fill a void or emptiness.” Instead of an equitable relationship, anxious attachment adults seek a feeling of security by trying to find a partner to complete or rescue them. Despite this desire, they may exhibit behaviors that push away the people they love which are often motivated by fear and insecurity. They tend to have a negative self-image and positive image of others. 

Dismissive-Avoidant

Dismissive-avoidant attached adults may be emotionally distant and attempt to “parent” themselves. They keep loved ones at an arm’s length and respond to stressors by shutting down. They tend to have a positive self-image and negative image of others. 

Fearful-Avoidant

Fearful-avoidant attachments exist in a state of limbo, simultaneously fearful of being too close to and too distant from others. Their volatility gets in the way of intimacy, and clouds their ability to let others in. Their moods are overwhelming and unpredictable. They may have a negative self-image and negative image of others. 

Learning more about yourself and your partner(s) is always helpful for understanding each other. When you can identify your behavioral tendencies, and can communicate them to the people around you, it is easier to get along and have greater insight into one another’s mindsets. If you’re concerned about your attachment style, consider making an appointment with a therapist at Embrace Sexual Wellness. 

Learn more about attachment styles 

• The Different Types of Attachment Styles 

• How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship | Psychology Today 

• The Four Attachment Styles of Love 

• Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process

• Attachment Styles, View of Self and Negative Affect

• Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours? - Scientific American 

• Attached by Amir Levine 

• The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen

5 Winter Survival Strategies

Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? It's pretty common to notice decreased mood in the colder, darker months. The days are shorter, the temperature is chilly, and the sky is gray. It’s completely understandable that your mood might be more blue than normal. Fortunately, there are things you can do to find more cheer and stability throughout the winter. 

Try these tips to help prevent the winter blues:

1. Reach out to friends and family when you're feeling down. Here are some ways to hang out in a COVID safe way while still having a blast!
   

2. Set appropriate boundaries so you have the time and energy you need to take care of yourself. 
   

3. Try a SAD lamp. These bright lights can help boost serotonin in your brain and improve your mood. It also helps to regulate melatonin which helps with sleep, an important component of health year-round.

4. Talk to a doctor about supplements and types of exercise that can help boost your "happy" hormones such as: endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Some options include

• Endorphins

  • Exercise

  • Acupuncture

  • Aromatherapy

• Serotonin

  • Food (via tryptophan production)

  • Supplements, such as 5-HTP or probiotics

  • Give and/or receive physical affection

• Dopamine

  • Eat foods rich in tyrosine including cheese, meats, fish, dairy, soy, seeds, nuts, beans, lentils, among others. 

  • Practice proper sleep hygiene 

  • Meditation 

5. Consider speaking with a therapist for extra support. ESW has therapists on staff who can help.

Here’s to an easy, joyful winter! Remember to take care of yourself to avoid burnout.

3 Things to Know About Cervical Health

In celebration of January’s Cervical Health Awareness Month, we are sharing 3 things to know about the cervix and cervical health.

1. What is the cervix?

The cervix is the lowest part of the uterus, which attaches the uterus to the vagina. It consists of the ectocervix, which is the external part of the cervix that protrudes into the vaginal canal, and the endocervix, which is the tunnel from the inside of the uterus to the ectocervix’s central opening to provide passage between vagina and uterus. 

The cervix’s function is to secrete mucus that facilitates the entrance of sperm into the uterus. Some hormonal contraception works by thickening the cervical mucus to bar sperm from the endocervix.

2. HPV is closely linked to cervical cancer

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is a group of viruses passed through skin-to-skin contact is the most common sexually transmitted infection. Certain types of HPV are known to be the primary risk factor for cervical cancer. The good news is most cases of HPV do not develop into cervical cancer. However, it is important to know the risks of HPV, and to protect yourself via regular STI screening, the HPV vaccine, and communication about safety protocols with your sexual partner(s). 

Each year, around 14,000 cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed, making it the fourth most common type of cancer for people with uteruses worldwide. This is why cervical care is an integral part of overall health maintenance. Two of the best ways you can take care of your cervix are by getting regular Pap smears and regular STI screenings. 

3. Regular pap smears can help detect cervical cancer early

A Pap smear tests for cancerous and precancerous cells in the cervix. People age 21-65 years old generally speaking should have routine Pap smears every three years. It is recommended to get tested for HPV during a pap smear as follows by Planned Parenthood: 

• “If you’re 21–24 years old: you can choose to get a Pap test every 3 years, or you can wait until you’re 25 years old to start getting tested.

• If you’re 25–65 years old: get an HPV test every 5 years, or a Pap test and HPV test together (co-testing) every 5 years. In some places where HPV testing is less available, you may get only a Pap test every 3 years.

• If you’re older than 65: you may not need HPV/Pap tests anymore.”

During a pap smear, the patient lies down on an exam table and the health practitioner will insert a speculum into the vaginal canal and open it to see the cervix. They will then insert a stick or soft brush to collect cells from the surface of and inside the cervix and vagina. They are typically not painful, but may cause mild discomfort. 

These routine health measures are important for taking care of your cervical health. You can learn more about Cervical Cancer Awareness Month here.