4 Benefits of Sharing Erotica with a Partner

“Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can be a book, a short story, an audio clip, a drawing, and beyond. Whatever you’re into, there’s erotica about it. Beyond being a fun addition to masturbating, there are several benefits to sharing erotica with a partner/partners. Erotica can…

1. Teach you what is exciting for you and your partner 

   Regardless of how familiar you are with your sexual interests, erotica is a great way to increase your imagination about what pleasure looks like for you. Additionally, if you struggle to talk about what you like in bed, you can share a piece of erotica to explain what you mean instead. 

2. Create more sexual and emotional intimacy 

   Sharing sexual desires is a vulnerable act. Being vulnerable with your partner(s) is one of the best ways to foster emotional intimacy and connection. 

3. Provide inspiration 

   Whether you’re still in the honeymoon phase or you’ve been with your partner(s) for years, there’s always room to improve your sex life. Maybe there’s a fantasy you’d love to act out, or a fetish you want to try; it might be difficult to find and/or share the words to describe your sexual fantasies and interests, which is where having an exemplar is a great communication tool. Sharing erotica with your partner(s) that resonated with you provides valuable insight about what you like in bed. 

4. Normalize erotica's impact on arousal

   Unfortunately, we have all been societally conditioned to regard sexuality as taboo even if one’s independent values don’t align with that designation. This means that you might logically understand there is nothing shameful about sexual desire, it can still feel hard to share something you’ve been conditioned to keep private like a piece of erotica you like. The more you talk about it and share with your partner, the more normal it will feel. 

Erotica is a great tool to incorporate into your relationship(s). If you’re interested in exploring erotica, there are some great resources below. Happy reading, listening and sharing! 

• Short stories

  • Literotica

  • Bellesa

  • LushStories

  • Novel Trove   

• Books

  • 14 Erotic Novels That Won't Make You Cringe - PureWow

  • 12 Most Erotic Novels in the History of Literature - Sexiest Books of All Time

  • The 55 Most Erotic Books You Will Ever Read    

• Audio

  • Dipsea

3 Ways to Support a Friend or Family Member Who is Using New Pronouns

Using someone’s correct pronouns* is a sign of basic respect. Therefore, it is vital to make every effort to use pronouns correctly. It can be tricky to acclimate when someone you care about changes what pronouns they use. It’s important to note that no one expects perfection so if you do use the incorrect pronoun, that’s okay as long as you’re making the effort to be respectful. When a loved one does share a pronoun change, refer to the following tips to help you navigate the conversation and be as supportive as possible. 

1. Thank them for sharing their full self with you. It's not always easy to be vulnerable and share your full self, even with loved ones. Let them know you still love them unconditionally. Remember, your initial reaction may influence their desire to share vulnerable information with you in the future. As for how to best support them aside from using their new pronouns, ask! Every person will need something different but the most important thing you can do is make the effort to use their new pronouns.   

2. Practice their pronouns! The more you practice, the easier it'll become to use them naturally. You should practice their pronouns in both speaking and writing. For speaking, you can either speak aloud to yourself or meet up with someone else. For writing, you could try writing a story about the person with new pronouns. If you practice with these methods and still struggle to switch over, reflect on why it feels difficult. A common obstacle is trying to reconceptualize the person in context with their new pronouns when you’ve thought of them in an entirely different way previously. If this is the case, you might have some more reading to do in order to unlearn this binary framework.    

3. When you mess up, apologize quickly, correct yourself, and continue the conversation. Don't drag on your apology or make excuses. Making it a big deal is uncomfortable for everyone involved. The above steps let them know you are trying!

It can be scary to make a change like this because of course you don’t want to mess up and hurt your loved one. Try to give yourself some grace in this regard; it is hard to make a change to something that you may not already spend conscious effort considering. The only way to make this change is with practice. When you consider how much practice you’ve had referring to this person with their previous pronouns, it makes sense that it takes lots of practice to undo it! Be patient with yourself, and soon it will become second nature. 

If you want to learn more about pronouns and proper usage, here are some great resources:

• What Are Pronouns? Why Do They Matter?

• Pronouns: A Guide from GLSEN

• Pronouns

• Gender-Neutral Pronouns 101: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know

• How To Use Neopronouns, According To Experts & People Who Use Them

• Tips on training yourself to change pronouns for someone you care about  

• Pronouns 102: how to stop messing up pronouns | by Kirby Conrod 

*The term “correct pronouns” is used instead of “preferred pronouns” because someone’s stated pronouns are not a preference, they are a requirement.

How to Respond If Your Child Takes Off Their Clothes in Public

There are many wonderful things about having kids but one of the most challenging among them is their seemingly random urge to strip down regardless of context. At the wrong time, this can be incredibly inconvenient, but rest assured that it’s normal behavior. Children don’t yet have a full understand of societal norms; all they know is that they want their clothes off their bodies. While adults may understand that stripping down in the middle of a cafe isn’t appropriate, children may not. The only way to curb the issue is to first understand the root cause. This will vary from child to child, of course, but some of the most common reasons are sensory discomfort, dealing with overwhelming emotions, and getting attention. When addressing the issue, you should not only strive to teach them why taking off their clothing in certain contexts is inappropriate, but also how to productively address their needs in alternate ways. To you, it may be an inconvenience, but for your child it may be a form of communication.

Root cause aside, that doesn’t necessarily help you in the midst of an anxiety provoking moment when your child decides that the grocery store is their dressing room. First of all, try not to give an extreme reaction. Drawing more attention to the behavior will escalate the circumstances for everyone involved. Easier said than done, but an emotional outburst will do nothing but worsen the situation. Instead, excuse yourselves and find as private a place as possible to help them redress. If you have a moment before you have to rejoin whatever public space you were in, ask them if there was a reason and if so, how you two can address that need together. Then, gently but firmly explain that while there is nothing wrong with being naked, it is only appropriate in certain contexts, and that you’ll speak about it at length later on. It’s important to stress that there is nothing shameful or wrong about the state of being naked.

Having a conversation about social norms is part of the larger conversation about boundaries - both society’s and your child’s. Use this opportunity to discuss consent, when being naked is or is not appropriate, and social norms. Down the line, this will tie into larger conversations about consent in contexts like physical touch and interpersonal boundary setting. 

After all is said and done, don’t forget to take care of yourself. This can be a stressful issue to navigate and you deserve to take a few moments to decompress so you can continue being the best parent you can be.