#gender

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Worried About Personal Safety as a Trans Person? Tips for the Trans Community and Allies

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In light of current political turmoil and discrimination surrounding the transgender and non-binary population, it’s more important than ever for transgender people to be equipped with knowledge to navigate the world as safely as possible. In data released in October 2022 by Everytown for Gun Safety, the number of trans people murdered in the U.S. nearly doubled between 2017 and 2021. There is a constant barrage of mocking pronouns and non-cisgender gender identities by politicians and the public alike. Extremists at the 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) have called for the eradication of transgender people. It is a deeply scary time to be a trans person especially if you live in a hostile home and/or geographic region. In such a circumstance, there are unfortunately no infallible safety methods, but there are precautions you can take to increase your chances of staying safe.

How Can I Maximize My Safety? 

It’s a good idea to have at least a loose grasp of your region’s political climate so you understand your surroundings better. You should also be aware of the factors that make you an easier target. Unfortunately, trans people who don’t “pass” as a cisgender person are more likely to be harmed, and feminine-presenting trans people are also more likely to be harmed since women are already at a higher risk of experiencing violence. Understanding these factors will help you navigate how cautious you need to be.  

Safety Tips

  • Seek out a local or online self-defense class

  • Navigate public spaces with a trusted friend or family member whenever possible, especially at night

  • Stay alert in public spaces – try to stay off your phone while walking

  • If someone tries to assault you verbally or physically, get loud; this will hopefully scare off the perpetrator and if not, it may get the attention of a good samaritan who can intervene

  • Leave a trail before going out: make sure someone you trust knows where you will be

  • If you live in a hostile home environment, consider compiling a “get away bag” in the event that you need to make a hasty exit for your safety

  • Check out this safety planning tool by Forge, a transgender support organization

  • Seek out the support of a trans supportive organization for funding to access gender-affirming care and/or to move somewhere safer

Forging Community

Building a small community of supportive people in your life to offset the detrimental effects on mental health of the transgender discrimination you will likely face is a vital lifeline. This can be a difficult task if you live in a hostile geographic region; you can try Googling your location plus keywords like “trans support,” “LGBTQ support group,” and “LGBTQ resources.” If that ends up being a fruitless endeavor, it’s time to turn to the internet.

Having friends solely online may not be as fulfilling as friends you can see face to face for most people but it is a far better option than feeling completely isolated in a discriminatory environment.

Here are some online support group options:

Tips for Trans Allies

Being a trans ally is more important than ever. Cisgender people have privilege compared to transgender people and leveraging that privilege is integral to fighting for trans rights and safety.

  • Educate yourself on key terminology relating to gender and the political and wellbeing issues surrounding the trans community 

  • Do not take the liberty of sharing someone’s transgender status with anyone who doesn’t already know. As the LGBTQ organization GLAAD puts it, “Do not casually share this information, speculate, or gossip about a person you know or think is transgender. Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender diversity.”

  • Do not ask invasive questions about a transgender person’s gender assigned at birth or their anatomy

  • Challenge anti-trans rhetoric in conversation; cisgender privilege allows you to do so with much less risk of compromising your personal safety than if a transgender person were to do so

  • Read this comprehensive guide to being an ally for more actionable steps or visit ESW’s resource page

The most important thing to remember as a trans person is that being trans is not bad or wrong and the issues with being transgender have to do with hate and vitriol from bigots, not the inherent nature of being trans. Try to indulge in consuming trans joy content when you feel particularly down about being trans because the reality is that being trans is a beautiful thing and you deserve to feel happy and safe. Your challenges and struggles are real and valid, and they don’t define your wholeness.  

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Neopronouns: What They Are And How To Use Them

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These days, most Americans are aware of the singular gender neutral usage of they/them pronouns even if they aren’t willing to use them but not many people are aware of neopronouns. Neopronouns are alternatives to he, she, and they pronouns used by some nonbinary people. Some common neopronouns are xe/xir/xirs, ze/hir/hirs, and fae/faer/faers. 

When you learn about them for the first time, they may seem daunting, so this blog post will break down what they are, how they are used, and why they are used. 

What are neopronouns?

A neopronoun functions just as any other pronoun does: to refer to someone by something other than their name while talking about them. Despite the name meaning “new pronoun,” the concept is actually not new. In 1789, William H. Marshall documented the existence of the singular gender neutral pronoun “ou,” which Marshall traced back to Middle English in the 14th century. 

There are generally two categories of types of neopronouns: those that mirror the structure of traditional pronouns, and nounself pronouns. An example of the mirroring category is xe/xir/xirs, pronounced like “zee/zeer/zeers,” while an example of the nounself category is fae/faer/faerself, derived from the word faery. An exception to these two broad categories is when people prefer to solely be called by their name instead of any pronouns. At the end of the day, neopronouns include any pronouns aside from he/she/they.   

How are neopronouns used?

Luckily, despite how foreign the concept of neopronouns may be to, these new words don’t require you to learn new grammar rules. They can be used in the place of traditional pronouns with the equivalent conjugation of the verb following it. Let’s explore some example sentences:

Using a traditional pronoun: He went to the store to pick up his medication. 

Using a neopronoun: Xe went to the store to pick up xir medication.

Using a nounself pronoun: Fae went to the store to pick up faer medication. 

Why are neopronouns used?

Each individual has different reasons for wanting to use neopronouns. While it varies from person to person, here are some of the most common reasons why someone would choose to use neopronouns over traditional pronouns. 

  1. They/them pronouns are often viewed as androgynous, but not every non-binary person experiences their gender as androgynous or “in the middle”, such as someone who identifies as a demigirl. 

  2. Neopronouns are part of gender expression, similarly to one's external appearance. Some people feel like their gender cannot be appropriately conveyed by she, he, or they pronouns. 

  3. The use of neopronouns is particularly popular amongst autistic people. Autistic people experience the world and their internal identity differently from allistic/neurotypical people which includes gender. This is not to say that one has to be autistic to use neopronouns but they tend to be more common amongst autistic nonbinary people due to “different ways autistic people interpret and engage with themselves and others.”

Criticisms of Neopronouns

Neopronouns are a hotly debated topic for several reasons, both inside and outside of the trans community. Here are some of the most common criticisms:

  1. A primary function of pronouns as a part of speech is to make it easier to refer to someone. Due to their rarity, neopronouns can complicate communication rather than simplify it.

  2. The trans+ community as a whole faces more pressing and serious issues related to harassment, violence, and civil rights; some people feel fighting for neopronoun use is not worth their time and energy if it will distract from more serious concerns.

  3. To outsiders, neopronouns are easy ammo to make fun of and invalidate trans people as a whole. Some LGTBQ+ people who criticize neopronouns worry that this sets back the community in terms of gaining equal rights and acceptance.

While there is some validity to these criticisms, at the end of the day it is a basic sign of respect to use someone’s requested pronouns. If it is challenging for you, that is okay, challenge yourself! The unfamiliarity makes it totally understandable if you are confused. That being said, difficulty is not a reason to disrespect someone. It is okay to be upfront with people who use neopronouns that you struggle with using them, and more often than not, they will understand and be open to a respectful dialogue about it. It is important to keep in mind that just because something might not seem important to you, you cannot understand the full nuance of why it is important to someone else and therefore cannot decide on their behalf that it does not matter. Misgendering someone or using invalidating language is never the best solution and runs the risk of damaging the relationship. 

If you are still confused about using neopronouns, here are additional resources to further your research: 

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4 Ways to Support Your Child Through Gender Exploration

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Children begin to develop their innate sense of gender identity between the ages of 3 to 5 so it makes sense to start thinking about how to support them early on. Gender identity is one’s internal sense of gender, whether that’s woman, man, neither, or both. For most people, gender identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth but for some, like transgender and non-binary people, this is not the case. Gender expression is the outward presentation, via behavior, appearance, and other characteristics, of one’s internal sense of gender. Both identity and presentation are rife for exploration from a young age and it’s important to a young person’s development to have a strong support network. It’s okay to not know exactly what that might entail which is why we created this guide to get you started.

1) Create a safe, judgment-free, validating environment for gender exploration

Make it both explicitly and implicitly (through behavior) clear that your child can come to you with any questions or concerns about gender without fear of repercussion. Aside from explicitly telling them this, you will convey acceptance by “showing not telling” in how you treat others. Furthermore, adults sometimes have a tendency not to believe children about gender questioning because they’re “too young” but doing so will only alienate them from you. Validate their thoughts, questions, and concerns, and if you’re feeling out of your depth, consider consulting a psychologist if that’s financially feasible for you.

2) Teach your child how to respect others’ gender identity

This is an important step regardless of your child’s gender identity/presentation. That being said, it’s extra important if your child is displaying signs of not aligning with their sex at birth because it teaches them both how to respect others, and how others should be respecting them. Some examples of teaching your child to respect others’ gender are:

  • Introduce yourself with pronouns to encourage others to share theirs while in front of your child. With people you have an established relationship with, it may be appropriate to directly ask for their pronouns. However, with strangers, you don’t know if doing so puts them in an uncomfortable position by forcing them to out themselves or by them intentionally telling you the wrong pronouns (misgendering themselves) to avoid outing themselves in front of others.

  • Talking to your child about the idea that all gender expression is valid, regardless of whether or not it aligns with our idea of what someone of that gender “should” look like

  • Gently correct people when they misgender someone you know, and teach your child how to do so as well

  • Teach them about and debunk gender stereotypes, such as the idea that only women should cook and only men should be breadwinners

3) Introduce them to diverse media

4) If financially feasible, consider seeing a psychologist

  • If you’re feeling unequipped to assist your child in their exploration, the best thing you can do is give them tools to help. One such tool is finding a child psychologist, preferably specializing in gender. This person can be a resource not only for your child, but for you too, and they can give more specific advice for supporting your child.

By reading this article, you’ve already taken a step towards being a supportive of your child’s gender exploration. It’s okay to feel unequipped or unsure - gender is ambiguous and confusing even for the most expert among us. The most important part is making sure you cultivate an accepting and validating environment because if your child can’t even talk to you about their concerns, your involvement in their exploration has ended before it’s even begun.   

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