What is sex therapy?

In recent years, popular TV shows like Sex Education and Sex Love & Goop have brought the concept of sex therapy into the limelight. But beyond the screen, what exactly is sex therapy? In this blog post, we delve into the specifics of this unique form of psychotherapy, designed to address a myriad of concerns related to sexual function, intimacy, and romantic relationships.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy falls under the umbrella of psychotherapy, targeting issues such as sexual function, intimacy, and romantic and sexual well-being. It goes beyond the bedroom, addressing concerns like painful sex, erectile dysfunction, fear of intimacy, lack of desire (for those who do not identify as asexual), and challenges in identifying or communicating sexual and relationship needs and boundaries. Consider making an appointment with a sex therapist if sex does not feel pleasurable or is painful, if you’ve never felt “comfortable” during sex, if you have concerns around orgasm, or frustrations with wanting to last longer during sex. These are some of many considerations that can be addressed in sex therapy. 

Embrace Sexual Wellness has a team of therapists that specialize in sexuality-related concerns as well as a blog and an extensive resources page covering sexuality topics and mental health. If you reside outside Illinois, the AASECT certified professionals directory can help you connect with a qualified sex therapist.

Sex Therapy Certification and Professional Standards

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) is the certifying organization for sex therapists. Sex therapists, as per AASECT, are licensed mental health professionals specializing in psychotherapy for clients dealing with sexual issues and concerns. Importantly, sex therapists adhere to strict ethical guidelines and do not engage in sexual contact with their clients.

What is the Role of Sex Therapists?

Contrary to common misconceptions, sex therapists primarily provide talk therapy. Sex therapists, surrogate partners, and sex coaches play distinct roles in supporting individuals or couples within the realm of sexual health and well-being. Sex therapists address psychological and emotional aspects of sexuality, utilizing therapeutic techniques to help clients explore and resolve sexual issues, such as communication problems, intimacy concerns, or past trauma. Surrogate partners, working closely in collaboration with a licensed therapist, engage in hands-on, experiential work with clients to address both physical and emotional aspects of sexual difficulties, providing a safe space for the exploration and practice of interpersonal and sexual skills. Sex coaches focus on education, empowerment, and the implementation of goal-oriented strategies to enhance overall sexual satisfaction. They can offer guidance, information, and skill-building exercises to help individuals or couples achieve their desired sexual goals. Each of these professionals contributes uniquely to the broader field of sexuality by providing distinct approaches to address a range of concerns. The scope of this blog is referring specifically to sex therapists.

Who is sex therapy for?

Sex therapy, whether individual or couples-based, addresses a range of concerns. The duration of therapy varies based on the nature of the issues, offering tailored solutions. It helps individuals with sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction or low libido. Couples experiencing challenges with communication about desires or facing relationship challenges, including infidelity or trust issues, can also benefit from sex therapy. Those who've experienced sexual trauma seek therapy to rebuild a healthy relationship with sexuality. Couples with differing sexual desires can learn to understand one other's needs. Individuals or couples may seek therapy to explore and enhance their sexual experiences. Additionally, sex therapy supports LGBTQ+ individuals facing challenges related to sexual identity and relationship dynamics, as well as those dealing with gender identity issues, including gender transition.

What happens in sex therapy?

The structure of sex therapy varies, adapting to the specific needs of the client(s). Therapists often assign home exercises aimed at managing concerns effectively. These exercises may include dedicated time for partner connection, self-exploration activities, and other assignments tailored to the individual or couple. Many therapists also offer free consultation calls where you can further discuss your concerns and determine if sex therapy, or that therapist, is a good fit for you.

Tips for Navigating Long Distance Intimacy

Long distance relationships are tough for everyone involved - who wants to be apart from their loved one(s)? Though nothing will quite sate the desire to be with them physically, there are ways to get everyone’s needs met. Over the past few years COVID forced us to innovate and find creative ways to stay connected. As a result, we've never had more tools available to make long distance relationships a bit easier. Before figuring out which of these options work best for your relationship, all partners involved should evaluate what they need to feel connected and satisfied, and then communicate that to each other. That will give you the information you need to choose the best option(s) for your relationship.

Some questions you should consider are:

• What are your non-negotiable needs around connecting with your partner and how often do you need to connect to feel satisfied in your relationship? 

• How often are you able and willing to text/call/video chat? 

• What insecurities, if any, do you have about long distance relationships and what do you need from your partner(s) to help you manage those insecurities?

• What ways, if any, do you need to be intentional about how you spend social time outside the relationship in order to feel socially satisfied? 

• What are your primary love language(s) and how can they be fulfilled long distance? 

Once you establish those answers, you can get started looking into ways to connect, including the following suggestions: 

CASUAL COMMUNICATION

• Send videos or audio messages to give your partner updates about your day 

• Make “open when” letters

• Send them a surprise $5 to get themselves a coffee  
  

SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

• Watch a movie or TV show together

• Play free multiplayer games online like on Pogo

• Do a virtual museum tour
  

SEX

• Try out a long distance remote control sex toy 

• Print out sultry photos of yourself and mail it to them (as long as you have consent) 

• Set aside time for sexting like you would carve out time for physical sex in order to be fully present and connected 
  

Long distance relationships are challenging but not insurmountable. With work, intentionality, and communication, it’s possible to have a full, satisfying relationship regardless of proximity. 

Sexual Wellness Resources For Pelvic Physical Therapists

Pelvic healthcare is a subfield of medicine that deals with the pelvis, which encapsulates the bladder and reproductive organs. Pelvic health is particularly important because the pelvic floor supports urination, bowel movements, and pregnancy/labor for those who can become pregnant and give birth. These muscles can be strained by things like childbirth or chronic coughing and when they are weakened, it can lead to difficulty with bladder control, put a strain on other muscles, and more complications. There are a variety of healthcare professionals who deal with pelvic floor health such as physical therapists, doulas, midwives, gynecologists, urologists, and more. A shortcoming of the healthcare field, however, is that less than 40% of providers conduct sexual histories with patients, and many do not receive formal sexual history training in school. 

Pelvic health is intertwined with sexual health and failing to take that context into consideration when treating pelvic floor issues can be problematic. Take for instance a scenario in which a professional is seeing a patient complaining of pain in their lower abdomen and unusual discharge. If the healthcare professional neglects to ask the patient’s sexual history which includes having had an STD, it would be difficult to identify Pelvic Inflammatory Disease as a potential cause of the discomfort. This is just one example of many illustrating why having full context is vital for informing pelvic healthcare. For those looking to supplement their knowledge, pelvic healthcare professionals or otherwise, we have compiled resources to guide you. 

One option is to Contact ESW for a Sexual Wellness In Pelvic Health Professional Training. During this training providers can expect to enhance their knowledge of assessing sexual functioning concerns and relational dynamics, and learn how to employ a trauma informed, sex-positive approach with patients. Case consultation is included.

Additional Resources Include:  

• “Why a Sexual History?” by Kansas Department of Health and Environment

• “Sexual Health and Your Patients: A Provider’s Guide” by the National Coalition for Sexual Health   

• “Why Do We Take a Sexual History” by the AMA Journal of Ethics 

• “A strong pelvic floor is associated with higher rates of sexual activity in women with pelvic floor disorders” by Gregg Kanter et al. 

• “Talk about Sex: Sexual History-Taking Preferences Among Urogynecology Patients and General Gynecology Controls” by Pamela Susan Fairchild et al.