Tips for Navigating Long Distance Intimacy

Long distance relationships are tough for everyone involved - who wants to be apart from their loved one(s)? Though nothing will quite sate the desire to be with them physically, there are ways to get everyone’s needs met. Over the past few years COVID forced us to innovate and find creative ways to stay connected. As a result, we've never had more tools available to make long distance relationships a bit easier. Before figuring out which of these options work best for your relationship, all partners involved should evaluate what they need to feel connected and satisfied, and then communicate that to each other. That will give you the information you need to choose the best option(s) for your relationship.

Some questions you should consider are:

• What are your non-negotiable needs around connecting with your partner and how often do you need to connect to feel satisfied in your relationship? 

• How often are you able and willing to text/call/video chat? 

• What insecurities, if any, do you have about long distance relationships and what do you need from your partner(s) to help you manage those insecurities?

• What ways, if any, do you need to be intentional about how you spend social time outside the relationship in order to feel socially satisfied? 

• What are your primary love language(s) and how can they be fulfilled long distance? 

Once you establish those answers, you can get started looking into ways to connect, including the following suggestions: 

CASUAL COMMUNICATION

• Send videos or audio messages to give your partner updates about your day 

• Make “open when” letters

• Send them a surprise $5 to get themselves a coffee  
  

SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

• Watch a movie or TV show together

• Play free multiplayer games online like on Pogo

• Do a virtual museum tour
  

SEX

• Try out a long distance remote control sex toy 

• Print out sultry photos of yourself and mail it to them (as long as you have consent) 

• Set aside time for sexting like you would carve out time for physical sex in order to be fully present and connected 
  

Long distance relationships are challenging but not insurmountable. With work, intentionality, and communication, it’s possible to have a full, satisfying relationship regardless of proximity. 

Sexual Wellness Resources For Pelvic Physical Therapists

Pelvic healthcare is a subfield of medicine that deals with the pelvis, which encapsulates the bladder and reproductive organs. Pelvic health is particularly important because the pelvic floor supports urination, bowel movements, and pregnancy/labor for those who can become pregnant and give birth. These muscles can be strained by things like childbirth or chronic coughing and when they are weakened, it can lead to difficulty with bladder control, put a strain on other muscles, and more complications. There are a variety of healthcare professionals who deal with pelvic floor health such as physical therapists, doulas, midwives, gynecologists, urologists, and more. A shortcoming of the healthcare field, however, is that less than 40% of providers conduct sexual histories with patients, and many do not receive formal sexual history training in school. 

Pelvic health is intertwined with sexual health and failing to take that context into consideration when treating pelvic floor issues can be problematic. Take for instance a scenario in which a professional is seeing a patient complaining of pain in their lower abdomen and unusual discharge. If the healthcare professional neglects to ask the patient’s sexual history which includes having had an STD, it would be difficult to identify Pelvic Inflammatory Disease as a potential cause of the discomfort. This is just one example of many illustrating why having full context is vital for informing pelvic healthcare. For those looking to supplement their knowledge, pelvic healthcare professionals or otherwise, we have compiled resources to guide you. 

One option is to Contact ESW for a Sexual Wellness In Pelvic Health Professional Training. During this training providers can expect to enhance their knowledge of assessing sexual functioning concerns and relational dynamics, and learn how to employ a trauma informed, sex-positive approach with patients. Case consultation is included.

Additional Resources Include:  

• “Why a Sexual History?” by Kansas Department of Health and Environment

• “Sexual Health and Your Patients: A Provider’s Guide” by the National Coalition for Sexual Health   

• “Why Do We Take a Sexual History” by the AMA Journal of Ethics 

• “A strong pelvic floor is associated with higher rates of sexual activity in women with pelvic floor disorders” by Gregg Kanter et al. 

• “Talk about Sex: Sexual History-Taking Preferences Among Urogynecology Patients and General Gynecology Controls” by Pamela Susan Fairchild et al.

Holiday Gift Ideas For Each of the 5 Love Languages

With the holidays right around the corner, you might be thinking about what to get for your loved ones. Gift-giving can be daunting but a great starting point is to think about the recipient’s primary love language(s ).

The idea of the five love languages is based on The 5 Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor*. The website explains that when you identify the love languages preferences of yourself and the people you love, you can connect on a deeper level and understand how to fulfill needs more easily and effectively. The five outlined are acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. 

Gift Ideas   

Acts of Service 

For people who receive love primarily through acts of service, it’s most meaningful when their loved ones help them out by doing things like making them breakfast, taking over a chore for them, or running an errand for them. 

• Cooking them a meal

  • Bringing them breakfast in bed

• Making a “coupon book” with various chores and errands that the recipient can cash in when they want the giver to take over that task

• Give them a gift card for a home cleaning service

Receiving Gifts

For people who receive love primarily through receiving gifts, they feel loved when they receive meaningful tangible items. A common misconception is that people with this love language are greedy or materialistic; however, it’s not about what the item is but about giving them a tangible reminder that they are loved. For this love language, gift-giving is a little different because it will highly vary from person to person what will mean the most. 

• Consider a multi-part gift that requires opening several packages. This might be something like a spa set where each package has a different self-care item or a customized puzzle where you give them the pieces over a course of days and they have to figure out how to assemble it. If you’re not feeling inspired, there’s also a resource called The Days of Gifts that sends multi-day gift packages based on a questionnaire filled out by the giver. 

• Subscription-based gifts are another great “gift that keeps on giving” for your gift-receiving love language loved one.

• Something sentimental like a customized accessory with a photo attached to a fun memory

Quality Time

For people who receive love primarily through quality time, they feel the most loved when they get to spend uninterrupted time with their loved one. 

• Plan an adventure whether that’s a day trip to a nearby city or hiking or whatever other kind of excursion suits the recipient’s interests

• Make a date jar (regardless of whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship!). Get a container (if you’re feeling crafty, you can decorate it too!) and fill it with slips of paper with ideas for ways you can spend time together

• Take a cooking class together 

Words of Affirmation

For people who receive love primarily through words of affirmation, they feel the most loved when their loved ones share written or spoken kind and complimentary words. 

• Make an affirmation jar! Similar to the concept of the date jar, this involves getting a container and filling it with slips of paper with compliments and kind words about the recipient

• Markup a favorite book with notes, inside jokes, and surprises like fun stickers

• Commission a photo word portrait. You send the artist any words, whether that’s a favorite poem or a letter you write yourself, and a photo and they combine the two to make a beautiful sentimental gift

Physical Touch 

For people who receive love primarily through physical touch, they feel the most loved when they get to be physically affectionate with their loved ones. 

• Buy some nice massage oils and give them a massage (this would likely be suitable only for romantic partners or close friends). If you’re not confident in your massage skills, book them a professional massage instead 

• Get them a weighted blanket, which many people find soothing and cozy 

• A “5 senses” gift where you pick out special items coordinating with each sense like their favorite snack for taste or their favorite cologne for smell
  

At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you put thought into your gifts because as long as you do that, it’s hard to go wrong. Even by reading this article, you clearly care about making your loved ones feel loved and are already putting thought into your gifts. Be thoughtful but don’t overthink or overly stress yourself out about it. Happy gift-giving!

*Disclaimer: ESW does not endorse the views of Gary Chapman. These examples are designed to correspond with the universal concept of the love languages and the general adoption of these concepts. For updated alternatives to the 5 love languages search "Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love" by Anne Hodder-Shipp and Jaiya's “Erotic Blueprint.”