Spiderman or ballerina? Knight or princess? Ken or Barbie?... All of the above?
Halloween costumes overwhelmingly adhere to the gender binary. From childhood, this expectation is ingrained in our minds and places inherent limitations on self-expression. Though much progress has been made over the past fifty years in terms of shifting views on gender roles and expectations, the binary still dictates how Western society functions. This carries over to the smallest of things, like Halloween costumes. Even though this may seem insignificant, Adie Nelson explains in their article “The Pink Dragon is Female: Halloween Costumes and Gender Markers” that “...the non-inclusive language commonly found in the names of many children’s Halloween costumes reverberates throughout many other dimensions of the gendered social life depicted in this fantastical world. For example, the importance of participation in the paid-work world and financial success for men and of physical attractiveness and marriage for women is reinforced through costume names that reference masculine costumes by occupational roles or titles but describe feminine costumes via appearance and/or relationships (e.g. “Policeman” vs. “Beautiful Bride”)” (Nelson 2000).
The issue with enforcing expected gender roles by insisting on a “gender aligned” Halloween costume for your child is that it imposes arbitrary, unproductive stereotypes on them before they’ve even gotten the chance to think beyond them. It disallows a child’s natural inclination to explore themselves and their relationship to the world. It’s important to make children feel that whoever they are and whatever they like, you will celebrate their identity. The idea is not to get rid of the idea of gender entirely but to take steps to ensure that the gender binary doesn’t limit your child. Allow your child the space to decide if they want to wear a costume that does not align with their gender identity, or one that is gender neutral. Keep in mind, “Gender neutral” doesn’t necessarily mean unisex, either. If that’s what your child wants, then great! But taking a gender neutral approach to Halloween costumes means allowing your child to wear whatever they’d like regardless of the gendered association with it. Letting your child choose a Halloween costume regardless of binary perceptions and associations is a great first step towards this.
It's important to acknowledge that though the gender binary is impractical and inaccurate, the reality is that it is still very much enmeshed in the fabric of Western society. With that being said, it’s not unthinkable that a child defying gender expectations would receive backlash from peers. All children in our society are exposed to the idea that gender roles are rigid. However, there's no need to make your child conform to protect them from that backlash. More often then not, when presented with new information, children are able to adapt. Instead, empower your child to stand up to peers and share their knowledge of gender beyond the binary. If you still experience concern, advocate for your child. Speak to their teachers and parents of their friends. Instead of making your child conform, work on making their environment safer for them to explore their gender identity."
At the end of the day, Halloween should be a fun, celebratory occasion. If your child doesn’t get to feel like themself, they might not be able to enjoy it as much. If you’re in need of some inspiration, some very cute anecdotal examples of gender defying Halloween costumes can be found here.
Resources for gender-conscious parenting:
5 Tips for Preventing and Reducing Gender Bias — Making Caring Common
You Don't Have To Swear Off Pink And Blue To Raise A Kid Without Gender Norms
The Corporate Masquerade: Branding Masculinity through Halloween Costumes
