What Conversations Should You Have With Your Partner, Even If Communication Isn’t Your Strong Suit?

In healthy, fulfilling relationships, communication is key. The ability to openly discuss thoughts, fears, desires, and needs with your partner can be the difference between mere attraction and deep, lasting intimacy. But let’s be honest—communication isn’t everyone’s strong suit. So, what can you do if talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally to you? Here are four essential “check-in” conversations you can have with your partner to strengthen your connection, even if communication isn’t your thing.

Essential Conversations to Strengthen Your Relationship

1. "I have been working on ________ lately, how has that been going?"

We all have personal or professional goals we strive to achieve, and relationship goals are no different. Whether you’ve been trying to be more patient, prioritize quality time, or improve your listening skills, it’s important to check in with your partner about your progress. Ask them if they’ve noticed any changes and whether those efforts are contributing to your relationship goals. This conversation not only shows your commitment to growth but also opens the door for valuable feedback.

2. "What do you need from me?"

It’s a simple question, but it’s often one of the hardest to ask. It can also be challenging for your partner to articulate their needs, so creating a safe space for this conversation is crucial. By asking this question, you’re inviting your partner to express what they need from you—something you might not have considered. If you want to be a better partner, this is the question to ask.

3. "I really feel most connected to you when __________."

Is there an activity or moment that makes you feel particularly close to your partner? Whether it’s cooking together, taking walks, or simply having a deep conversation, let them know. Remember, no one is a mind reader. By clearly communicating what makes you feel connected, you’re giving your partner a roadmap to fostering that closeness, which can deepen your bond.

4. "I really need space when __________."

While togetherness is important, so is having space. We all need alone time now and then, and it’s crucial to communicate this to your partner. Letting your partner know when you need space helps set clear boundaries and reduces the chances of misunderstandings. By being open about your need for alone time, you create a healthier, more balanced relationship.

Why Are These Conversations Important for Your Relationship?

These four conversations may seem simple, but they are powerful tools for improving communication and building a stronger connection with your partner. By regularly checking in with each other on these topics, you create an environment of openness and mutual respect. So, even if communication isn’t your strong suit, these questions can help you and your partner navigate your relationship more effectively.

These are just a few of our favorite questions and topics to discuss with your partner in order to strengthen communication. Comment below and let us know which are your favorite conversations and check out our instagram for more information about relationship and sexual wellness!

Spreading Awareness At Home

As some of you may know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Much of what we see in the media concerning prevention of sexual assault is geared towards women (who make up the majority of victims/ survivors). Many articles are written describing the steps women can take to prevent being sexually assaulted. Some of these steps include never walk alone at night, never take a drink from a stranger, be careful how you dress, safety in numbers. While these are all wonderful reminders (and often necessary in this day and age), they are still victim blaming in nature. They also refute the statistics about sexual assault that say most survivors of sexual assault know their perpetrators. Sexual assault rarely occurs at the hand of a stranger in an a dark alley as movies and TV shows like us to believe. 

The only way to truly prevent sexual assault from occurring is to directly engage with potential perpetrators. And, since most perpetrators are men, I believe that we must start to educate boys around expectations, disappointment, and consent. Not only should sex education in schools include these topics, there are ways we can incorporate these lessons in every day life. 

The ways in which I talk to my kids about love, respect, and body autonomy also embody these values. I teach my children that they do not owe anyone their body. They do not have to hug or kiss any family members just because they love them. My children have complete body autonomy and decide when and who they engage with physically. This does not mean I am not teaching them manners and respect of elders. However, they get to choose how they greet them. They may hug and kiss, shake hands, fist bump or simply nod but they are learning to look people in the eye and acknowledge them respectfully. Feelings of love do not equate to physical interactions. I also ask their permission for physical affection. I do not believe I am entitled to hugs and kisses because I love them. I want them to internalize the fact that simply because you love someone or they love you, does not mean they will want to engage in physical contact with them. At times this is difficult but it also teaches them the concept of body autonomy. 

We also stop any activity once someone says “STOP”. This was a more difficult lesson for them to learn. They would often yell stop while being tickled and not mean it. But in our house, the word stop (and any other statements like it) are taken very seriously. I want them to know that stop means stop and no means no. I also include the idea of consent and body autonomy when I have to interfere in physical fights between the two. I use language that includes ”You may not touch her body without her permission” and “You may not touch him in ways that he does not consent to”. I want them to be comfortable with these concepts from a young age.

We also have conversations about entitlement and ways to deal with and process disappointment. I validate their feelings while helping them to understand that they must earn respect and permission. Disappointment is difficult for children, it’s difficult for some adults as well. They are encouraged to express emotions but they also know that they are not owed anything in this world. As they have gotten older, my kids have come to realize that disappointment is a part of life and they, at times, can use this disappointment to work harder to get the things they desire. They are learning that at times that means giving a person space, or respecting others, not just actively pursuing the things they want. I want my daughter to understand she does not owe anyone her body and I want my son to internalize that he is not owed anything simply because he is male. These are lessons that will serve them well in many aspect of life. 

Until we teach our children these core values, we will continue to see sexual assault at the rates we have seen in the past. Until then, we must continue to provide survivors and potential survivors with the resources they need to protect themselves. Additional resources on parenting and sexual abuse and assault prevention can be found here.

Combating Boredom As A "Quaran-team"

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room here, folks. Social distancing is, for the most part, boring. There are only so many times you can clean your bathroom and sitting inside watching television or reading sometimes feels unfulfilling, especially as Spring begins to slowly creep in. For those of you who are quaran-teaming up with a partner, dynamics within the relationship can change drastically too by the monotony. There are, however, ways to change that.

Challenge Your Mind And Each Other

Puzzles are totally in right now, and for great reason. Staring at a screen all day can cause tension headaches and is not the most mentally engaging activity. However, puzzles encourage teamwork, creativity, organization and can give partners a sense of mutual accomplishment. Remember how proud your partner made you when they put together that IKEA coffee table. Just wait until you help them put together 1,000 pieces to make the Taj Mahal. Don’t have a puzzle at home? Create a personalized one here.

Have a Fancy Dinner with a Private Chef

Ever felt like getting creative in the kitchen but didn’t have the time to prep and conceptualize the meal? Well, now you do. Find a recipe you will both enjoy and invest the time into perfecting it. Try to use ingredients you already have in the house (for social distancing purposes) and if you need to head to the grocery store, wear a mask and wash your hands. A candlelit dinner at home, with no imminent distractions and the feeling of knowing you created something special is well worth all the dishes to clean in the end. 

Start Planning Your Dream Home

Thinking about the future right now may seem scary, especially financially. But, hey, now is a great time to talk to your partner about what your preferences are in your dream home, and, even begin building it with virtual programs. This activity will allow you to flush out differences, discover similarities and give you something to look forward to when this crisis is one day behind us. 

Foster a Pet

I cannot emphasize enough, only foster an animal if you truly want to and believe you can supply it the attention and care it needs. If you can, this would be a great time to do it. Most couples’ biggest obstacle when it comes to bringing in a new furry friend is not being home enough to care for their pet and train it. With everyone home, this is a great time to see what it would be like to be a pet owner and, if you’re ready, adopt one full-time. Besides, you have way more reasons to enjoy the outside when you’re walking around with a four legged cutie (if a pup is your thing). Chicago readers, visit one of our favorite local adoption centers.

TLDR

Mostly, if you’re quarantining with your partner, take this time to support each other and listen. Uncertainty can be paralyzing for many people, and it’s important to help one another through as much as we can. This is a time to connect, a time to nurture vulnerability, a time to explore intellectually, and a time to spend valuable time with your loved ones you may not have had in the past. But don’t be afraid to have some fun too!