Navigating Sexual Health Conversations with Multiple Partners

Having safer sex with just one partner is one thing, but what about navigating sexual risk when there are multiple partners in play? Though there are certainly a few more moving bits and pieces to manage, with clear communication and the mutual goal of having informed consensual sex that is as safe as possible, it’s totally doable. It should be noted that transparency among everyone involved, including about STI status, is the difference between practicing non-monogamy versus cheating. This conversation is one that should happen regardless of how casual or serious the relationship is. 

There is no such thing as risk-free sex; all sex comes with at least a small risk of pregnancy and/or STIs. Communication and safer sex practices are the best way to mitigate risk, even if it can’t be completely eliminated. Here are some specific tips to help you navigate your sexual health and safety with multiple partners. 

1) Understand the full scope of risk

• Here are some questions you should know the answers to after discussing safer sex practices with your partners

  • How many people total are involved (all your partners plus all of their partners)? 

  • Has everyone been tested recently (see tip #2)? 

  • What is the protocol following an STI diagnosis of one of your partners or one of your partners’ partners? 

  • What types of protection are being used? 

    1. Who, if anyone, is fluid bonded (having unprotected sex)?

  • Is everyone involved fully aware that not all STIs are immediately detectable, nor do they all involve visible and obvious symptoms?  

2) Get tested often

• If you’re sleeping with other people, and especially if those people are also sleeping with multiple people, it’s a good idea to get routine STI tests. For most, it’s sufficient to get tested every 3-6 months, but if you’re worried about that being too much or too little, consider consulting a trusted medical professional who you can comfortably talk to about your sex life.

• It is really important to remember that it takes some STIs up to three months to be detectable with testing so even if all sexual partners test negative, there is still a nonzero risk of STI transmission.  

3) Be upfront about your boundaries without shaming

• Weighing the risk to reward ratio for sex is a personal decision so it’s possible you might not see exactly eye to eye with your partners. It’s important to assert what your boundaries are, while still being respectful of the risk they’ve chosen to take on especially since STIs are shrouded in so much stigma as it is. At the end of the day, you are at liberty to decline to have sex with someone if their sex practices seem too risky for your comfort, which is why it’s so important to have these conversations early in order to establish those boundaries on both sides. It’s possible to do so by explaining yourself and what you want without disparaging the choices someone else has made.

It can feel scary or intimidating to have these conversations and that’s okay! It might even help ease some anxiety to express that upfront. And if someone does take issue with you trying to have this kind of conversation, they’re not someone you want to be involved with anyway.

3 Reasons to Seek Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a therapeutic niche that addresses a wide range of sexuality-related concerns. Sexuality is a central part of being human so it makes sense that there is a need for professionals to guide us through issues pertaining to such a personal and important subject. Even the most knowledgable people about sexuality and relationships can benefit from having a neutral third party to work through internalized biases and judgments, relationship issues, sexual and gender identity, and more. Here are some reasons why you may seek a sex therapist:

You’re processing sexual trauma

Did you know that every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted? Sexual assault is probably the first thing that comes to mind when you think of sexual trauma and while sexual trauma does include assault, it encapsulates more than that. It also includes issues such as chronic objectification and sexual shaming, sexual harassment like being catcalled, and both physical and emotional incest. These are complex, damaging traumas that left untreated can lead to depression and anxiety, among other issues. Sex therapists can help you work through your sexual trauma and any associated issues.

You’re unsatisfied with the state of your sex life and/or relationship as a whole

Sex therapy is a great resource for both individuals and people in a relationship working through sex and relationship issues. Humans are imperfect and therefore so are our relationships. Sometimes relationship and/or sex life tension start feeling insurmountable, which is where a sex therapist comes in. They can help individuals identify their wants and needs and work through sexual dissatisfaction. For people in relationships seeking treatment together, a therapist can mediate a discussion where all partners can have a say and be heard, facilitating a hopefully effective and kind dialogue.

You have difficulty achieving orgasm or arousal

There is nothing wrong with struggling to achieve orgasm or arousal. That being said, if it bothers you, you might consider seeking out a sex therapist after identifying or ruling out any physical causes. A therapist can help you pinpoint the source of the difficulty and work through it with you. Even if you are unable to “fix” the issue, a good therapist can hopefully help you find ways to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

These are just a few examples of what sex therapy can be helpful for. If you’re unsure if sex therapy is right for you or where to start, reach out to ESW team to see if we may be a fit for you.

3 Ways Chronic Illness Affects Sexual Wellness (and How to Address It)

Chronic illnesses like cancer and immune diseases can interfere with sexual wellness and might diminish one’s capacity to enjoy sex. Various factors play into this with more obvious ones like chronic pain in addition to the not-so-obvious ones like the emotional strain of chronic illness and lack of body confidence. Being chronically ill doesn’t have to be a sex life death sentence though. 

Managing a sex life while chronically ill is not an easy task, but progress in the medical field, especially sexology and sex therapy, means that there are more resources than ever to help you along your journey of sexual discovery. Instead of aiming advice at specific illnesses, this article will instead be structured around addressing the symptoms that get in the way of a fulfilling sex life.

Pain Flare Ups

Pain is the most obvious sex deterrent associated with chronic illness. Regardless of where it is, pain is distracting and draining, neither of which is ideal for enjoying intimacy. Aside from general pain management like medication and physical therapy, some ways to adapt your sex life are to use supportive pillows, choose comfortable sex positions, and experiment with assistive devices.

Body Confidence Issues

Depending on the chronic illness, you may struggle with body image issues in addition to the symptoms directly associated with the condition. Poor body image often feeds into a low sex drive and causes distress on both counts. This Embrace Sexual Wellness blog post talks about feeling at home in your body as a queer person, but the general principles are a solid place to start when addressing body confidence issues. If you’re feeling alone in this struggle, check out this article with stories from people who have struggled with body confidence due to chronic illness.

Communication and the Importance of Utilizing Resources

Perhaps the single most part of making this equation work is having an understanding partner who you can communicate comfortably with. This is important for anyone but especially when you may have to navigate specific health-related needs, it is imperative that you do that with someone who feels safe.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to be alone on this journey. Professionals like the sex therapists at Embrace Sexual Wellness are amazing resources for navigating the complicated relationship between illness and sexual wellness. 

All of this information might be overwhelming and that’s okay. The only timeline you need to stick to is the one that serves you best. There is no rush to figure anything out and if you are feeling pressured by others to figure it out faster, you may want to reevaluate those relationships. Chronic illness comes with a multitude of unique challenges but luckily you don’t have to navigate them alone. Not sure where to start? We’d be happy to help you get started! You can contact Embrace Sexual Wellness here.