Sexual Wellness, Sex Education + Pleasure
Jennifer Litner
16 Ways Shame Shows Up During Sex and How It ...
16 Ways Shame Shows Up During Sex and How It Can Impact Your Relationship

Mental Health

,

Worried About Personal Safety as a Trans Person? Tips for the Trans Community and Allies

,

In light of current political turmoil and discrimination surrounding the transgender and non-binary population, it’s more important than ever for transgender people to be equipped with knowledge to navigate the world as safely as possible. In data released in October 2022 by Everytown for Gun Safety, the number of trans people murdered in the U.S. nearly doubled between 2017 and 2021. There is a constant barrage of mocking pronouns and non-cisgender gender identities by politicians and the public alike. Extremists at the 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) have called for the eradication of transgender people. It is a deeply scary time to be a trans person especially if you live in a hostile home and/or geographic region. In such a circumstance, there are unfortunately no infallible safety methods, but there are precautions you can take to increase your chances of staying safe.

How Can I Maximize My Safety? 

It’s a good idea to have at least a loose grasp of your region’s political climate so you understand your surroundings better. You should also be aware of the factors that make you an easier target. Unfortunately, trans people who don’t “pass” as a cisgender person are more likely to be harmed, and feminine-presenting trans people are also more likely to be harmed since women are already at a higher risk of experiencing violence. Understanding these factors will help you navigate how cautious you need to be.  

Safety Tips

  • Seek out a local or online self-defense class

  • Navigate public spaces with a trusted friend or family member whenever possible, especially at night

  • Stay alert in public spaces – try to stay off your phone while walking

  • If someone tries to assault you verbally or physically, get loud; this will hopefully scare off the perpetrator and if not, it may get the attention of a good samaritan who can intervene

  • Leave a trail before going out: make sure someone you trust knows where you will be

  • If you live in a hostile home environment, consider compiling a “get away bag” in the event that you need to make a hasty exit for your safety

  • Check out this safety planning tool by Forge, a transgender support organization

  • Seek out the support of a trans supportive organization for funding to access gender-affirming care and/or to move somewhere safer

Forging Community

Building a small community of supportive people in your life to offset the detrimental effects on mental health of the transgender discrimination you will likely face is a vital lifeline. This can be a difficult task if you live in a hostile geographic region; you can try Googling your location plus keywords like “trans support,” “LGBTQ support group,” and “LGBTQ resources.” If that ends up being a fruitless endeavor, it’s time to turn to the internet.

Having friends solely online may not be as fulfilling as friends you can see face to face for most people but it is a far better option than feeling completely isolated in a discriminatory environment.

Here are some online support group options:

Tips for Trans Allies

Being a trans ally is more important than ever. Cisgender people have privilege compared to transgender people and leveraging that privilege is integral to fighting for trans rights and safety.

  • Educate yourself on key terminology relating to gender and the political and wellbeing issues surrounding the trans community 

  • Do not take the liberty of sharing someone’s transgender status with anyone who doesn’t already know. As the LGBTQ organization GLAAD puts it, “Do not casually share this information, speculate, or gossip about a person you know or think is transgender. Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender diversity.”

  • Do not ask invasive questions about a transgender person’s gender assigned at birth or their anatomy

  • Challenge anti-trans rhetoric in conversation; cisgender privilege allows you to do so with much less risk of compromising your personal safety than if a transgender person were to do so

  • Read this comprehensive guide to being an ally for more actionable steps or visit ESW’s resource page

The most important thing to remember as a trans person is that being trans is not bad or wrong and the issues with being transgender have to do with hate and vitriol from bigots, not the inherent nature of being trans. Try to indulge in consuming trans joy content when you feel particularly down about being trans because the reality is that being trans is a beautiful thing and you deserve to feel happy and safe. Your challenges and struggles are real and valid, and they don’t define your wholeness.  

, ,

Experiencing Seasonal Depression? Here Are a Few Tips to Manage Symptoms

, ,

Seasonal depression, otherwise known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression related to the changes in seasons For most people, symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months. They often resolve during the spring and summer months. In less frequent cases, SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer and resolves during the fall or winter months. Symptoms include fatigue, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, and intense sadness, among other things. It’s not an uncommon challenge so if you experience this, you are far from alone. Luckily, there are things you can do to mitigate the intensity of your symptoms.

1) Try a light therapy lamp 

  • Sunlight lamps emit light that simulates sunlight. There’s research that says sitting in front of it for 30 minutes right when you wake up can improve seasonal depression symptoms. The thinking is that this assists your circadian rhythm, making you feel more alert. For best results, you should use light therapy under the recommendation and guidance of a psychiatric professional.

2) Get outdoors

  • Getting outside, even when it’s grey is easier said than done, yet highly effective. Going out and taking a walk, ideally around noon when the sun is brightest, is a great way to get a mood boost. Though challenging, trying to create a positive relationship with the season can help offset the SAD.

3) Talk to a doctor about using vitamin D or antidepressants

  • If SAD is severely incapacitating you and disallowing you from functioning in the ways you typically do, consider seeing a doctor to talk about vitamin D supplements and/or antidepressants as a treatment option.

Seasonal depression is a challenge but luckily there are options for addressing it. If you’re struggling, consider seeing a mental health professional and/or your primary care physician for treatment options. We wish you an easy winter season for those of you experiencing winter SAD. 

, ,

How to Create Habits That Last

, ,

This time of year is often framed as a transformative one: a time to move towards your best self, to create new habits, and rid yourself of the old ones. There is a lot of pressure to self-improve around this time but rest assured, if that’s not something you want or need right now, there’s no obligation. If, however, you think you do want to try to use the new year as an opportunity for change, let’s talk about how to go about it in a healthy, sustainable way.

Get SMART

  • SMART is an acronym pertaining to setting realistic goals that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Specific goals should answer the “w” questions: what, when, where, which, and why. The “why” is arguably one of the most important parts of the equation because it’s the fuel and motivation that will keep you invested in your goal. Measurable means establishing a metric by which to measure your progress. Achievable means the goal is realistic. Relevant goals align with your current lifestyle and your values. Time-bound goals follow a timeline instead of being indefinite.

Try habit swapping

  • Habit swapping is pretty much what it sounds like: swapping an undesirable habit “A” with a more desirable habit “B.” This involves first identifying your current habits and routines. For example, if you want to cut down on drinking alcohol after work, maybe try using that same time in your routine to experiment with new mocktail recipes instead.

Try habit pairing

  • Habit pairing uses an incentive to entice you to partake in the behavior you want to increase. For instance, if you want to meditate more and you already make yourself coffee every morning, try using the time you wait for the coffee to brew to do a quick meditation. By pairing a desired habit with an existing, and more pleasurable, habit, you have increased incentive to stick to it.

Use opposite to emotion action

  • Dialectical behavioral therapy outlines a skill called “opposite to emotion action.” This means you act in a way that goes against your emotional impulse. For example, you might be irritated and overwhelmed and therefore tempted to skip out on doing your yoga for the day. If you can push past that initial resistance and get yourself to start doing the yoga, you might be pleasantly surprised to find it improves your mood. Of course there are always exceptions to this and if you truly do not feel capable of something due to your emotional state, you should respect your own boundaries. It takes practice to figure out where to draw that line.

Creating a new habit takes patience and frequent repetition before it gets more automatic. Stressors can come up and it is important to give yourself the grace to be imperfect and instead of using those moments to beat yourself up, try to frame it as a learning opportunity.Continuing to put time into self care is also helpful in building sustainable, healthy habits. Finally, remember that anything worth doing is worth doing halfway because something is far better than nothing.  

as seen in