Spreading Awareness At Home

As some of you may know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Much of what we see in the media concerning prevention of sexual assault is geared towards women (who make up the majority of victims/ survivors). Many articles are written describing the steps women can take to prevent being sexually assaulted. Some of these steps include never walk alone at night, never take a drink from a stranger, be careful how you dress, safety in numbers. While these are all wonderful reminders (and often necessary in this day and age), they are still victim blaming in nature. They also refute the statistics about sexual assault that say most survivors of sexual assault know their perpetrators. Sexual assault rarely occurs at the hand of a stranger in an a dark alley as movies and TV shows like us to believe. 

The only way to truly prevent sexual assault from occurring is to directly engage with potential perpetrators. And, since most perpetrators are men, I believe that we must start to educate boys around expectations, disappointment, and consent. Not only should sex education in schools include these topics, there are ways we can incorporate these lessons in every day life. 

The ways in which I talk to my kids about love, respect, and body autonomy also embody these values. I teach my children that they do not owe anyone their body. They do not have to hug or kiss any family members just because they love them. My children have complete body autonomy and decide when and who they engage with physically. This does not mean I am not teaching them manners and respect of elders. However, they get to choose how they greet them. They may hug and kiss, shake hands, fist bump or simply nod but they are learning to look people in the eye and acknowledge them respectfully. Feelings of love do not equate to physical interactions. I also ask their permission for physical affection. I do not believe I am entitled to hugs and kisses because I love them. I want them to internalize the fact that simply because you love someone or they love you, does not mean they will want to engage in physical contact with them. At times this is difficult but it also teaches them the concept of body autonomy. 

We also stop any activity once someone says “STOP”. This was a more difficult lesson for them to learn. They would often yell stop while being tickled and not mean it. But in our house, the word stop (and any other statements like it) are taken very seriously. I want them to know that stop means stop and no means no. I also include the idea of consent and body autonomy when I have to interfere in physical fights between the two. I use language that includes ”You may not touch her body without her permission” and “You may not touch him in ways that he does not consent to”. I want them to be comfortable with these concepts from a young age.

We also have conversations about entitlement and ways to deal with and process disappointment. I validate their feelings while helping them to understand that they must earn respect and permission. Disappointment is difficult for children, it’s difficult for some adults as well. They are encouraged to express emotions but they also know that they are not owed anything in this world. As they have gotten older, my kids have come to realize that disappointment is a part of life and they, at times, can use this disappointment to work harder to get the things they desire. They are learning that at times that means giving a person space, or respecting others, not just actively pursuing the things they want. I want my daughter to understand she does not owe anyone her body and I want my son to internalize that he is not owed anything simply because he is male. These are lessons that will serve them well in many aspect of life. 

Until we teach our children these core values, we will continue to see sexual assault at the rates we have seen in the past. Until then, we must continue to provide survivors and potential survivors with the resources they need to protect themselves. Additional resources on parenting and sexual abuse and assault prevention can be found here.

Combating Boredom As A "Quaran-team"

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room here, folks. Social distancing is, for the most part, boring. There are only so many times you can clean your bathroom and sitting inside watching television or reading sometimes feels unfulfilling, especially as Spring begins to slowly creep in. For those of you who are quaran-teaming up with a partner, dynamics within the relationship can change drastically too by the monotony. There are, however, ways to change that.

Challenge Your Mind And Each Other

Puzzles are totally in right now, and for great reason. Staring at a screen all day can cause tension headaches and is not the most mentally engaging activity. However, puzzles encourage teamwork, creativity, organization and can give partners a sense of mutual accomplishment. Remember how proud your partner made you when they put together that IKEA coffee table. Just wait until you help them put together 1,000 pieces to make the Taj Mahal. Don’t have a puzzle at home? Create a personalized one here.

Have a Fancy Dinner with a Private Chef

Ever felt like getting creative in the kitchen but didn’t have the time to prep and conceptualize the meal? Well, now you do. Find a recipe you will both enjoy and invest the time into perfecting it. Try to use ingredients you already have in the house (for social distancing purposes) and if you need to head to the grocery store, wear a mask and wash your hands. A candlelit dinner at home, with no imminent distractions and the feeling of knowing you created something special is well worth all the dishes to clean in the end. 

Start Planning Your Dream Home

Thinking about the future right now may seem scary, especially financially. But, hey, now is a great time to talk to your partner about what your preferences are in your dream home, and, even begin building it with virtual programs. This activity will allow you to flush out differences, discover similarities and give you something to look forward to when this crisis is one day behind us. 

Foster a Pet

I cannot emphasize enough, only foster an animal if you truly want to and believe you can supply it the attention and care it needs. If you can, this would be a great time to do it. Most couples’ biggest obstacle when it comes to bringing in a new furry friend is not being home enough to care for their pet and train it. With everyone home, this is a great time to see what it would be like to be a pet owner and, if you’re ready, adopt one full-time. Besides, you have way more reasons to enjoy the outside when you’re walking around with a four legged cutie (if a pup is your thing). Chicago readers, visit one of our favorite local adoption centers.

TLDR

Mostly, if you’re quarantining with your partner, take this time to support each other and listen. Uncertainty can be paralyzing for many people, and it’s important to help one another through as much as we can. This is a time to connect, a time to nurture vulnerability, a time to explore intellectually, and a time to spend valuable time with your loved ones you may not have had in the past. But don’t be afraid to have some fun too!

Is Love Really Blind? Exploring the Reality Behind the Show

Is love truly blind? That’s the question the creators of a new reality dating show set out to explore. Warning: Spoilers ahead.

In the Netflix show Love is Blind, contestants are separated by gender and attend “dates” in separate rooms, where they can hear each other but never see each other. The premise is simple: can individuals fall in love without ever laying eyes on each other, and can that love endure once the visual element is introduced? With curiosity and a bit of skepticism, I watched the show, open to whatever insights it might reveal. The result? Six engaged couples emerged from the experience, surprising even the show’s creators. After becoming engaged, the contestants spent 30 days in Mexico before attempting to get married. While I won’t spoil the ending, here are my key takeaways from the show:

What Does Love is Blind Teach Us About Relationships?

1. The Concept is Fascinating

The idea behind Love is Blind is intriguing—it’s like The Voice, but for dating. By removing the element of physical beauty from the equation, the show challenges us to consider how important physical attraction really is in romantic relationships. After all, physical beauty, shaped by cultural standards, evolves and fades over time. Moreover, someone who might be deemed physically attractive can seem less appealing if their personality is selfish or mean-spirited. Conversely, a person might become more attractive when their personality shines through.

2. The Participants Were Universally Attractive

One notable aspect of the show is that all the participants were, by conventional standards, quite attractive. While beauty is subjective, these individuals were generally above average in terms of societal beauty norms. This raises the question: what would have happened if the show had included participants with a wider range of physical appearances, both within the U.S. and across different cultures?

3. Extraordinary Circumstances Aren’t Reality

It’s easy to fall in love when you’re isolated in a luxurious setting, free from the usual stressors of daily life. The show’s contestants lived in a sort of bubble, shielded from the realities of work, bills, family obligations, and other daily pressures. While the show did introduce the stressor of planning a wedding, the couples still existed in an environment far removed from everyday life. This setting makes it difficult to gauge how these relationships would fare in the real world, where stress and routine can heavily influence romantic dynamics.

4. The Absence of External Influences

In the show, there are no external factors demanding the couples’ attention. In reality, relationships are influenced by friends, family, work, and other responsibilities that can create complex dynamics. Without these external components, the couples on Love is Blind may have experienced a false sense of intimacy. Once these real-world factors are reintroduced, maintaining the same level of closeness and intensity in a relationship can be challenging.

Should We Take Lessons from Reality TV Love Stories?

While shows like Love is Blind are entertaining and offer interesting perspectives on relationships, it’s important to remember that they don’t represent the typical dating experience. These are everyday people “falling in love” under highly extraordinary circumstances.

So, what do you think? Is love really blind, or is physical attraction an unavoidable factor in romantic relationships? If you watched the show, we’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below and join the conversation!