What You Need to Know Before Your First Telehealth Therapy Appointment

Many people around the world have become social-distancing pros in the past few months, working remotely and interacting with loved ones digitally. The practice of individual and relationship psychotherapy has followed suit, as many providers have transitioned to offering sessions via Telehealth. But, what if you’ve never been to a tele-therapy appointment before? Don’t fret, we’re here to help with some tips for beginning tele-therapy during the pandemic.

Clear Your Schedule

Pretend like you are in a therapist's office for the entire hour. Tell your coworkers, roommates, neighbors you are unavailable or block your calendar for that hour. You’ll want to dedicate the entire time toward focusing on the session. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” or turn it off completely. If you live with someone else and your walls are thin, ask them to wear headphones during that session, so you can speak freely without feeling like your privacy is being compromised. Imagine you are in the therapist’s office and direct your entire focus to the therapy appointment (we realize for some, this is easier said than done).

Set Up Your Virtual Therapy Office

If you’re going to be talking a lot, you’ll probably want a glass of water on hand. Emotions tend to arise during therapy, so make sure tissues are available and a trash can to dispose of them. Keep a notepad to take notes, if that’s your thing. You’re going to be occupied for an hour, so it’s best to use the toilet before your session to avoid interruptions. If you feel more focused when wearing trousers instead of sweats, plan accordingly before your session. The more present you are, the more you’ll likely get out of your session!

Ease Into It

Give yourself five minutes before to settle in and really think about what you want to accomplish during this session. Prioritize which topics are most important and what you have been working on. It can be helpful to make a written or mental itinerary for how you want to organize the session. When finished, give yourself another 5 minutes to process before you transition to what you have going on during the remainder of your day.

Limit Distractions

We know it’s hard, but try to avoid inviting your pets to therapy, especially if you’ll be tempted not to keep your eyes off of them. While they may provide emotional support, you’ll want to stay focused on what is happening in your session. Take the same approach with children, if possible. Ask a co-parent or caregiver to watch your children during your session to help you stay focused. Refrain from eating or consuming alcohol during your session. A good rule of thumb to follow: If you would not do it in a therapist's office, do not do it during your teletherapy appointment.

Teletherapy has never been more accessible than it is now, during the Covid-19 pandemic. Take advantage of these new opportunities and make an appointment today with us (hello Illinois residents) or some of the other qualified clinicians in your area!  

What To Do When Your Best Friend Tells You Their Relationship Is Falling Apart

Relationships are never a cake walk. Even people in the strongest, most secure relationships experience an ebb and flow amidst challenging life events, family stressors, conflict cycles and emotional hardship. The odd thing is, our culture encourages us to keep these aspects of our relationships private, continuing to fuel the widespread myth that relationships should always be sunny and effortless.

So, when your friend comes to you and tells you that his or her relationship is crumbling to pieces, it may come as a surprise. Whether you've known they have been struggling for a while or not, it may be confusing for you to know quite what to do or say to your friend.

5 Practical Tips To Keep In Your Back Pocket:

1) No matter how fired up or distressed your friend may seem when he or she shares the news, remember that nothing is permanent until it is. Your friend may be stressed out and believe it is the end of their relationship, but this may just be a rough time for the couple. Be patient and sensitive to his or her feelings and remember that it is better to act cautiously about any final decisions.

2) Whatever you say, avoid bashing your friend's partner. Nothing good ever comes from spending hours bad mouthing exes. If anything, it will create more negative energy. However, do allow your friend to vent about how their relationship stress is impacting them, if they choose to.

3) Keep this information private unless instructed otherwise. Sealing your lips will demonstrate that you respect boundaries between your friend and his or her partner's relationship, which also shows maturity. They must work out their own issues independently. Getting involved may create more problems than solutions.

4) Offer up an activity that you both enjoy. Hiking or walking in the park (with or without dog), ordering in comfort food, catching a flick, rock climbing, going to a karaoke bar, shopping at your favorite boutiques or thrift stores, grilling out in the yard and attending a sporting event are all great options and may be neutral distractions. Your company is most important, so leave choosing the activity up to your friend.

5) Stay Connected. Now, more than ever, your friend needs you to be a friend and a considerate one. So, all that emotional supportiveness you tuck away when you're throwing back a few and hanging out, now is the perfect time to open that box and bring it back out. Whether it means checking in with your friend via phone or text message daily or allowing them to crash at your place for a couple of days, your actions will speak volumes.

You know your friend best, so if there is something they particularly look for from you (your sense of humor, innovative ideas, passion for adventure, creativity, etc), this is the perfect opportunity to let it shine. They'll appreciate your efforts more than you know.

The Beginner's Guide to Energetic Love

Energetic Love has the capability to transform our relationships. This stems from understanding that love is not simply a noun - a product of something we create, but also a verb. Love is an ongoing and evolving process. Energetic love is the act of loving (with energy).

We energize our love by increasing our awareness of ourselves and our partners and through this insight, we are able to love more intentionally and authentically. Energetic love also implies that loving itself requires energy, which is true. Love is an active process and one that does require our body, mind and spirit. If we love without energy, it may not be as sustainable or meaningful.

So, how does one practice Energetic Love?

Balancing individual and interpersonal awareness with proactivity. Examine what is going on internally and externally in your relationship:

• Consider your own understandings of love; think about this as your love template. How do you feel loved? If you have a partner, how do they make you feel loved? How do you express love to others or a partner? What ways does your partner feel love and express love? Gary Chapman's book, Love Languages is an excellent resource for understanding how we "love" one another and receive love ourselves.

• Fill in the blank. When we understand that our partner feels loved by _____ we can use this information as an opportunity to speak their language in the way that we act (using energy).

• Embrace imperfection. We are human and cannot possibly do everything right all of the time, no matter how nice that would be. When we make mistakes such as forgetting an important date or to unload the dishwasher, it is important to acknowledge these moments and use them as learning opportunities. Consider saying to yourself or your partner, "I am not perfect, but I will try to ________ in the future".

• Forgiveness. We do not always show up in our relationship the way that we hope to and our partners do not always show up for us the way we hope they will. When these moments occur, embrace the disappointment, sadness or uncertainty that follows and direct your energy into a conversation on how to be more on target next time.

There is great wisdom that can come from our interpersonal awareness of how we love and experience love. When we are not getting something from our partners that we need in order to feel loved, we ought to communicate that in a benevolent way. When we are not loving our partner in the way that they need, we can use this information to channel our energy into more productive and meaningful loving.

How do you practice Energetic Love? Feel free to share your ideas below!