Combating Boredom As A "Quaran-team"

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room here, folks. Social distancing is, for the most part, boring. There are only so many times you can clean your bathroom and sitting inside watching television or reading sometimes feels unfulfilling, especially as Spring begins to slowly creep in. For those of you who are quaran-teaming up with a partner, dynamics within the relationship can change drastically too by the monotony. There are, however, ways to change that.

Challenge Your Mind And Each Other

Puzzles are totally in right now, and for great reason. Staring at a screen all day can cause tension headaches and is not the most mentally engaging activity. However, puzzles encourage teamwork, creativity, organization and can give partners a sense of mutual accomplishment. Remember how proud your partner made you when they put together that IKEA coffee table. Just wait until you help them put together 1,000 pieces to make the Taj Mahal. Don’t have a puzzle at home? Create a personalized one here.

Have a Fancy Dinner with a Private Chef

Ever felt like getting creative in the kitchen but didn’t have the time to prep and conceptualize the meal? Well, now you do. Find a recipe you will both enjoy and invest the time into perfecting it. Try to use ingredients you already have in the house (for social distancing purposes) and if you need to head to the grocery store, wear a mask and wash your hands. A candlelit dinner at home, with no imminent distractions and the feeling of knowing you created something special is well worth all the dishes to clean in the end. 

Start Planning Your Dream Home

Thinking about the future right now may seem scary, especially financially. But, hey, now is a great time to talk to your partner about what your preferences are in your dream home, and, even begin building it with virtual programs. This activity will allow you to flush out differences, discover similarities and give you something to look forward to when this crisis is one day behind us. 

Foster a Pet

I cannot emphasize enough, only foster an animal if you truly want to and believe you can supply it the attention and care it needs. If you can, this would be a great time to do it. Most couples’ biggest obstacle when it comes to bringing in a new furry friend is not being home enough to care for their pet and train it. With everyone home, this is a great time to see what it would be like to be a pet owner and, if you’re ready, adopt one full-time. Besides, you have way more reasons to enjoy the outside when you’re walking around with a four legged cutie (if a pup is your thing). Chicago readers, visit one of our favorite local adoption centers.

TLDR

Mostly, if you’re quarantining with your partner, take this time to support each other and listen. Uncertainty can be paralyzing for many people, and it’s important to help one another through as much as we can. This is a time to connect, a time to nurture vulnerability, a time to explore intellectually, and a time to spend valuable time with your loved ones you may not have had in the past. But don’t be afraid to have some fun too!

Give Yourself the Gift of Self Compassion This Holiday Season

In case you haven’t heard Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer and his friends spinning tunes on the radio or seen the decked out evergreen firs around town yet, the holiday season is upon us. While the holidays are often a time when people are encouraged to spread joy and be generous to others, the intense pressure of “giving enough” and showing up for our families can really amount for a lousy holiday if we forget about our own self-care. Here are a few tips to help you toast to a healthy holiday season!

1. It is perfectly okay if you don’t feel like being joyful this time of year. Maybe the holiday season reminds you of a painful event in your life or you don't have any family nearby to celebrate with — there’s no reason you should have to take a ride on the holly jolly trolly if you aren’t feeling up to it. Instead, spend some time nourishing you and doing something cathartic like reading a book, meeting a friend for coffee, going ice skating or watching a new movie.

2. If you are purchasing holiday gifts, stick to a budget that makes sense for you and do not spend more than you can afford. Spending extra now when you truly cannot afford it may lead to resentment and financial hardship later. Consider giving the gift of your time, a heartfelt card or experiences that can be financed over time like concert tickets. By following a strict budget for holiday shopping, you can walk into the new year feeling more financially stable and confident!

3. Holiday travel can be hectic. If you are traveling this holiday season — be gentle to yourself and come prepared with calming essentials. Calming essentials are go-to items that will help you stay calm and bring you peace amidst chaotic circumstances. Not sure where to start? Now is the time to start packing. Some recommendations may include: your water bottle, tea or hot chocolate mix, positively energizing tunes, essential oils, hand salve/lotion, a cozy scarf or blanket, a favorite photo album (electronic may be best for traveling), a you-approved selection of podcasts/audiobooks/books, and don’t forget your favorite snacks!

4. Prioritize YOU-time. So often, we are expected to show up to holiday parties to socialize and be “on” which can be draining, even for extroverts. If you have a lot of social events that you anticipate will zap your energy, take some time to plan lots of YOU-time before and afterwards to recharge and recover. While it may sound trivial to schedule YOU-time, you will thank yourself later and be glad you did. When we push ourselves too hard while running on empty, we are more prone to experience stress. Take the time this holiday season to get the rest you need and take care of you. That way, you’ll be more fun to be around later when you rejoin the group!

5. Know what would be absolutely perfection this holiday seasons? Letting go of perfection. It is far too easy to get caught up in a holiday headspace that is populated by Pinterest, but it’s less easy to actually create in real life. Instead of trying to make your holiday table look exactly like the one you pinned and have been admiring for weeks, try to focus on one element that feels special for you. Maybe making your grandmother’s recipe or hanging an heirloom ornament on the tree is really important or perhaps spending time with family or going to the movies is your thing. Instead of focusing on ‘having it all’, try to consider which aspect will bring you the most meaning and aim to make that one thing possible. Remember #managingexpectations makes for a better-than-perfect holiday!

No matter where you find yourself this holiday season, remember to give yourself the gift of self-compassion - YOU deserve it!

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5 Things to Remember Before Bringing Your Significant Other Home for the Holidays

Holiday season is among us –a time of year that is most traditionally known for its cheerful spirit, prevailing gratitude and generosity. So why does bringing your significant other along make you want to run? Sometimes things that are supposed to be exciting like Thanksgiving dinner or holiday parties with the entire family are particularly stressful.

Let’s say you are anticipating that your mom is going to comment on how you still haven’t lost the “freshman fifteen” you have been hanging onto since college and your dad is going to try to have a serious conversation about your future, suddenly the upcoming holiday celebrations don’t sound so exciting. Add a stubborn grandparent, a dysfunctional aunt and uncle and a younger cousin who always boasts about their achievements in your face to the mix. Sounding fun yet?

So bringing your special someone as a guest to your family holiday celebrations might stir some things up for you and that is a-okay. Here are some tips to help you survive this holiday season riding the love train and not the stress express.

1. Give Them A Scouting Report. Run through everyone your significant other will be meeting so it will feel less overwhelming when they walk in the door. If there are a lot of names to remember, try using a pen and paper to draw out the family tree or look at family photos.

2. Make an S.O.S. Plan, Just In Case. Intentionally plan for stressful moments to happen. This way, you adjust your expectations so you can work together if sh*t hits the fan. For example, if you know certain topics (i.e. the election) will cause your special someone’s blood pressure to skyrocket, discuss an exit plan for you to step in if they are feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, if you have beef with a relative, now is the time to tell your S.O. which person “not to piss off” and in what circumstances you might be on edge or need some extra support.

3. Expect ALL Of The Relationship Questions: How long have you been together? Where did you meet? What was your first date like? Relatives love to ask about your relationship for a million reasons, especially those curious younger children. So, prepare yourselves in advance by playing the “20 Questions” game to help one another feel confident in your responses.

4. Review The House Rules. Rituals and traditions are important to some families. If your family says Grace before Thanksgiving dinner and your guest is not religious, let them know so they can decide if they want to participate. Make sure to give your S.O. the heads up about any topics that are off limits or whether foul language is permitted.

5. Beware of Sensitivities. If your S.O. is super introverted or has a low tolerance for large groups of people, you might consider initiating one-on-one conversations with a few of your relatives who share common interests as opposed to a table with everyone. Or, if you know your family members are carnivores and your partner is vegan, now might be a good time to talk about bringing a Field Roast or some dairy-free eggnog.

Just remember to introduce your guest… Ahead of time! Tell your family about your S.O. by sharing your top five favorite things about them. Keep it brief, but make sure you emphasize that they will be coming with you to the celebration and it is important to you that they feel welcomed. Plus, the host will appreciate this as they are probably taking a head count for dinner and will want to know much food to prepare.

Now, you are ready to relax and enjoy the holiday season!