What Happens to Your Sex Life After a Loss?

Grief changes us. It doesn’t just affect our emotions or thoughts, it can impact every aspect of how we move through the world, including our sexuality. While we often talk about how grief shapes mental health or daily functioning, conversations about its effect on intimacy and sexual expression are less common, yet equally important.

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, our team of sex therapists work with individuals and couples navigating the complex ways loss shows up in their relationships and their bodies. Whether you're grieving the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a health diagnosis, or the loss of a long-held identity, these experiences can deeply influence how you connect with yourself and others.

How Does Grief Affect Your Sex Life and Intimacy?

Grief can stem from many forms of loss, not just bereavement. It might come from a divorce, a miscarriage, infertility, the onset of chronic illness, or even the loss of a life you once envisioned for yourself. Regardless of the source, grief can leave a lasting imprint on your nervous system, which directly influences how safe and present you feel in your body, and that’s central to sexuality.

One common experience during grief is a significant decrease in sexual desire. The body’s natural response to stress, sadness, and emotional overwhelm can make it difficult to feel sensual or intimate. When your nervous system is focused on survival, connection and pleasure often take a back seat.

Others may feel a kind of emotional numbness that makes it hard to engage in physical intimacy. It's not uncommon to feel disconnected from your body or to go through the motions without feeling present. Some people experience guilt when they begin to feel desire again, as if experiencing pleasure somehow dishonors the person or life they’re grieving.

On the other hand, grief can sometimes heighten the need for closeness or physical contact. For some, sex becomes a way to cope, to feel alive, to escape, or to re-establish a sense of connection. There’s no single “right” response. What matters is understanding how your grief is influencing your relationship to your body and intimacy.

Navigating Grief in a Relationship

When you're in a relationship, grief doesn’t occur in a vacuum; it can shift the dynamics between you and your partner. One person might pull away from sex while the other seeks it out for comfort. These different responses can create tension, misunderstanding, or even resentment if not openly acknowledged.

A couples therapist can help support parnters in making space for these differences. Our providers help couples talk about what’s happening emotionally and physically without judgment, so you can rebuild intimacy in a way that honors each person's needs and pace.

Communication becomes a vital tool. Being able to say, “I’m feeling shut down lately and don’t know how to ask for what I need,” or “I miss the closeness we used to have, but I’m also afraid to rush things,” can begin to bridge the gap between you and your partner. These aren’t easy conversations, but they’re essential for healing together.

Reclaiming Intimacy After Loss

There is no timeline for when or how grief should resolve, and no rulebook for how you should feel about sex in the aftermath. Some people feel ready to reconnect with their bodies and their partners after a few weeks; for others, it might take months or even years. That’s okay.

One of the most healing things you can do is allow yourself to be exactly where you are. You may find comfort in small gestures (e.g., holding hands, cuddling, sharing quiet time without expectations). These forms of non-sexual touch can be powerful stepping stones back to connection.

Some people find that practices like mindfulness, breathwork, or gentle movement help them feel more grounded in their bodies. These approaches can support the slow rebuilding of bodily awareness and sensation after a period of disconnection.

At our practice, we frequently guide clients through this reawakening process with compassion and patience. Whether you're coming in alone or as a couple, we provide a space where your grief and your sexuality can coexist without shame.

Grieving the Loss of Sexual Functioning and Intimacy

Grief doesn’t only arise from the loss of people, it can also stem from changes in how we experience our own bodies. For many individuals, sexual functioning concerns like erectile dysfunction (ED), prostate cancer and breast cancer, or other medical conditions can lead to a profound sense of loss. The grief that follows may not be widely talked about, but it’s very real.

These changes can impact not just physical intimacy, but also self-image, confidence, and emotional closeness with a partner. Sex therapy can be very helpful for couples facing these challenges to process the grief of what’s been lost and explore new, meaningful ways to connect. Whether you're navigating a medical diagnosis or adjusting to a new phase in your sexual life, support is available and healing is possible.

When Grief Is Complicated by Trauma

In some cases, grief is tangled up with trauma such as sudden loss, medical complications, or abusive dynamics. This can trigger deeper nervous system responses like panic, shutdown, or dissociation during sex. If you’re experiencing flashbacks, anxiety, or intense fear around intimacy, know that you’re not broken. These are trauma responses, not personal failures.

Our team of sex therapists take a trauma-informed approach and are trained to work gently with these experiences. We’re here to help you rebuild trust with your body and your sense of safety, one step at a time.

You Deserve Support

Grief affects every part of life, including areas we’re often told to keep private, like our sex lives. But sexuality is part of your humanity, and it deserves care, even in the midst of loss.

If you’re in Chicagoland or one of the states we’re licensed in, our team of compassionate sex therapists is here to support you through the complex, often painful terrain of grieving while honoring your need for connection, pleasure, and healing. Whether you’re trying to rediscover desire, strengthen a relationship, or simply make sense of what you're feeling, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

We believe grief and intimacy aren’t mutually exclusive. They can exist side by side and when held with care, both can lead you toward deeper self-understanding and more authentic connection.

If you're ready to start therapy, we're here to help...

Reach out today to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced relationship counselors or sex therapists. Let’s get started together.

How to cope after a miscarriage: A guide for partners

Having a miscarriage can be devastating in a way that is often lonely. In the wake of a miscarriage, it is common to feel disconnected from your partner and even from yourself. The emotional healing process is unique for each individual and couple. Everyone experiences grief differently, but whatever feelings you are grappling with, they are valid. It takes time to heal from such a loss, but there are ways you can care for yourself and your relationship that can make it a little more manageable. In this article, we will discuss how to heal after a miscarriage, ways to cope with associated relationship stressors, and how to reconnect with your partner.

Managing Grief 

It is normal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions following a miscarriage. You might experience sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, and shock. It can be uncomfortable to sit with these feelings, but the only way to get through it is to experience it. On top of that, physical changes and volatile hormones complicate the experience of the formerly pregnant person even further. However, all partners in the relationship, regardless of whether or not they were pregnant, will likely experience some form of grief. There is no universal experience of grief, and therefore no universal way to cope. Here are some tips as you figure out how to best process your grief.

Resist the urge to isolate

Sometimes depression makes people want to isolate themselves from their community. While it is certainly easier said than done to resist depression-fueled urges, it is important to make your best effor to stay connected to loved ones. If it is too hard to initiate social contact, consider asking friends and family to check on you regularly and to be more mindful of making consistent plans with you.   

Accept support 

If at all possible, do not rush back into your typical life, especially if you are still physically healing. Productive rest and healing is more possible when you allow yourself to be cared for. While it makes sense that this may be uncomfortable or make you feel guilty, the people who love you want to be helpful. There is not much they can say or do to lighten your emotional load, but accepting their help with practical tasks will allow you more time and energy to process your emotions.  

Seek professional help

Grief and depression are powerful forces, and even if you do everything “right” to cope, it might still feel insurmountable. In these instances, you need to seek professional help, in the form of a moderated support group and/or a therapist. 

How to reconnect with a partner after miscarriage

Since grieving is different for each person, it can lead to potential relationship stressors. For example, one partner might want to process externally by talking about their feelings, while the other finds talking about it more distressing than productive. It is common to feel disconnected from your partner in the aftermath, but there are ways you can try to reconnect. Try not to make any permanent decisions about the relationship dynamic during this time, as grief and depression can distort your true feelings. Here are some ways to reconnect: 

Communicate your feelings

Though it can be uncomfortable to talk about such challenging emotions, it is important to be transparent with each other about what you are experiencing and what you need to facilitate your healing process. Even if you feel unable to express the full extent of your emotions, any communication you can manage is better than none at all. A lack of communication creates emotional distance in a relationship; this is not a you versus your partner(s) circumstance, it is you and your partner against the grief. Try to keep this in mind and practice empathy towards your partner’s experience even if it differs from your own.      

Seek counseling

Couples therapy offers a safe space to express and process your emotions. Strong emotions might cloud your ability to express yourself productively and a therapist can help you find mutual understanding more easily. 

Schedule quality time

During a stressful time, it is more important than ever to be intentional about spending time together to maintain your connection. This does not need to be anything fancy or elaborate but ideally it should be a shared positive experience. Accumulating positive experiences is a powerful tool for creating a buffer against your negative emotions.

Getting Pregnant Again

The good news is that 85% of people who experience pregnancy loss go on to have healthy pregnancies if they choose to try again. If you want to try to conceive again, try to hold off until everyone in the relationship is at a point in their healing journey where they feel ready to do so. Medically speaking, it is best to wait until you have physically and emotionally recovered to embark on a new pregnancy. Physically, some people may be ready to get pregnant as soon as two weeks following a miscarriage, but that will heavily depend on your body and how it is healing, as well as any procedures that may have accompanied the miscarriage. Consult your doctor for the most accurate, personalized advice for when you should try to get pregnant again. 

What if I feel anxious about trying again?

It is natural and expected to feel anxious or scared when you are trying to get pregnant and when you do get pregnant after a miscarriage. This might make enjoying your pregnancy difficult. Consider talking to your partner and/or other trusted loved ones so you do not have to carry the weight of the anxiety alone. You can also speak to your doctor about how to maximize your chances of a successful pregnancy which may serve to alleviate some anxiety as well. 

Takeaway

In the wake of a miscarriage, the emotional toll can be overwhelming. Grief is a natural response to pregnancy loss, and it can manifest in myriad ways. It is crucial to acknowledge and experience these feelings, though they can be uncomfortable to sit with. Healing after a miscarriage takes time and patience. If you are unsure of the best way to process your emotions, seek professional support and extra care from your support network.