Pornography is widely accessible, incredibly common, and for many, a private part of their sexual lives. But not everyone feels good about their use. In my work as a Chicago sex therapist, one question I hear often is, "Does porn cause anxiety? How do I know if porn is a problem?" The answer isn’t always straightforward, but it’s an important one to explore, especially if you’re feeling conflicted, overwhelmed, or out of sync with yourself or your relationships.

Let’s talk about what might be happening beneath the surface.

What We Know About Porn and Anxiety

Research shows that porn use doesn’t cause anxiety in everyone. In fact, for many people, occasional use doesn’t create emotional distress at all. However, anxiety can emerge when porn use becomes tied to shame, secrecy, relational conflict, or emotional regulation difficulties.

Some people watch porn and feel fine. Others might feel increasingly anxious, either during or after viewing, especially if they’re using it to cope with difficult emotions like loneliness, sadness, or stress.

Here are a few ways anxiety can show up in relation to porn:

Guilt or shame after watching
Worry about being caught or judged
Escalating use (e.g., needing more extreme content or longer sessions to feel satisfied)
Difficulty stopping, even when the urge to watch gets in the way of other priorities
Fear of how porn may be affecting intimacy or connection with a partner

The anxiety itself may not be caused by porn, but rather by the thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors surrounding its use.

Signs Your Porn Use Might Be Impacting Your Mental Health

Not everyone who watches porn has a problem with it, but some people do feel a lack of control, distress, or discomfort related to their use. If you’re asking yourself whether porn is affecting your well-being, consider the following questions:

Do you feel anxious, irritable, or down after watching porn?
Have you tried to stop or reduce your use and found it difficult?
Do you use porn to avoid dealing with difficult emotions?
Is porn interfering with your sleep, focus, or productivity?
Have you noticed less interest in partnered sex or emotional connection?
Do you keep your use secret from people close to you out of fear or shame?

Answering yes to one or more of these questions doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted, but it might be a sign that it’s time to take a closer look.

When Is It a Problem? (And When It’s Not)

There’s no universal standard for “healthy” or “unhealthy” porn use. Context matters. For some people, watching porn occasionally fits comfortably into their lives. For others, it becomes a cycle of avoidance, secrecy, or compulsive behavior.

It’s important to avoid jumping to conclusions like “I’m addicted” or “something is wrong with me.” Instead, the more helpful question is: Is my porn use aligned with my values and goals?

When people feel like their behavior no longer reflects who they want to be or when they feel increasingly anxious, ashamed, or disconnected, that’s usually when therapy can help.

How Therapy Can Help You Explore Your Relationship with Porn

Working with a sex therapist can help you understand why you’re watching porn, how you feel before and after, and what patterns might be worth shifting.

Certified Sex Therapists can help you explore:

The emotional function of porn use (e.g., Is it a coping tool? A habit? A source of fantasy?)
The role of shame and sexual messaging in how you view yourself
Whether anxiety is linked to other aspects of your life such as stress, trauma, or relationships
How to develop healthy coping strategies and regulation tools
How to have a more conscious and intentional sexual relationship with yourself and with others

You don’t need to pathologize your behavior to explore it. In fact, one of the most powerful things you can do is get curious without judgment.

Porn and Relationships

For those in relationships, porn can sometimes become a point of conflict. If your partner is uncomfortable with your use or if you feel disconnected from intimacy or sexual closeness, it can lead to tension, secrecy, or resentment.

Therapy can support individuals and couples in navigating these concerns with empathy and communication. It’s not about blaming, but about understanding the role porn plays and how it intersects with emotional and sexual connection.

Does Porn Cause Anxiety?

Here’s the bottom line: Porn doesn’t cause anxiety on its own. How you relate to it, how you use it, how you feel about it, and what needs it might be meeting can contribute to anxiety.

If you’re feeling distressed, conflicted, or confused about your porn use, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can help you explore what’s behind the behavior and find a more empowered relationship with your sexuality.

Looking for a sex therapist to talk about porn, anxiety, or intimacy concerns? Our team at Embrace Sexual Wellness specializes in helping people navigate these topics with compassion, curiosity, and evidence-based care. Book a free consultation to get started.

Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, right?

But for many people, sex doesn’t feel free, confident, or connected; it feels pressured, stressful, and full of second-guessing. If you've ever found yourself overthinking your performance in the bedroom, worrying about how your body is responding, or feeling frozen in moments that are supposed to feel intimate, you’re not alone.

Sexual performance anxiety is incredibly common, but it’s rarely talked about even in therapy spaces. And unfortunately, the silence often makes things worse. The good news? Therapy can help, and not just in a surface-level way. It can address the deeper emotional and relational patterns that keep performance anxiety in place and help you (and your partner) move toward real, connected intimacy.

Let’s break it down.

What Is Sexual Performance Anxiety?

Sexual performance anxiety is a form of anxiety that shows up in sexual situations whether you're about to have sex, thinking about sex, or trying to be intimate with a partner. It can affect people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship types.

It often sounds like this:

“What if I can’t keep it up?”
“What if I don’t finish?”
“What if I don’t feel anything?”
“What if they think I’m bad in bed?”
“What if my body doesn’t respond the way it’s supposed to?”
“What if I disappoint them?”

For some, performance anxiety leads to avoidance (e.g., avoiding sex, closeness, or even conversations about intimacy). For others, it shows up during sex as intrusive thoughts, tension, or a sense of being disconnected from your body. This can be frustrating, isolating, and, let’s be honest, deeply painful, especially if it’s affecting your relationship.

Common Causes of Sexual Performance Anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety rarely shows up out of nowhere. It's often connected to one or more of the following:

1. Cultural or religious shame about sex

Messages you received growing up about sex being "bad," "dirty," or only for reproduction can linger in the body and mind, even years later. These messages about sex can lead us to think we are ‘wrong’ for wanting to be intimate or thinking about engaging in sex with our partners.

2. High pressure to perform

Especially for men, there's often pressure to “initiate,” “stay hard,” “last long,” or “satisfy your partner” all while being relaxed and confident. That's a lot of pressure for something that's supposed to be mutually enjoyable.

3. Body image concerns

If you're worried about how your body looks or functions during sex, it's hard to be present.

4. Past sexual trauma or negative experiences

Unresolved trauma or even one awkward, painful, or embarrassing sexual encounter can shape how you feel about intimacy moving forward.

5. Relationship issues

Ongoing conflict, lack of trust, or emotional disconnection can make sex feel like a performance instead of a shared experience.

6. Stress, anxiety, and mental health

Generalized anxiety, depression, and chronic stress (especially from work, parenting, or caregiving roles) can impact desire, arousal, and confidence.

So, Can Therapy Really Help?

Yes, and here’s how. At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we work with individuals and couples who are dealing with the emotional, relational, and physical challenges of sexual performance anxiety.

Therapy can help you:

1. Understand what’s really going on

Performance anxiety is rarely just about what’s happening in the moment. Therapy helps uncover what’s fueling the anxiety, whether it’s past experiences, shame, fear of failure, or relational dynamics. You get to explore your story in a safe, supportive space.

2. Interrupt the anxiety-thought cycle

In therapy, you’ll learn how to identify and challenge anxious thoughts before they spiral into shutdown or panic. This might involve CBT techniques, mindfulness practices, or somatic awareness, all aimed at helping you stay present and grounded during intimacy.

3. Reconnect with your body

Performance anxiety pulls you out of your body and into your head. Therapy helps you rebuild a relationship with your body that feels safe, attuned, and responsive, not judgmental or critical. This can be especially healing for people who’ve experienced dissociation or discomfort during sex.

4. Communicate with your partner more openly

If you're in a relationship, therapy can support both of you in having honest, shame-free conversations about sex. You’ll learn to express needs, set boundaries, and understand each other’s triggers so sex becomes a space of trust, not pressure.

5. Heal from past experiences

Whether you’ve been through trauma, rejection, or simply years of sexual avoidance, therapy offers a chance to heal. You don’t have to carry the weight of old experiences into every intimate moment.

6. Create a new sexual narrative

Instead of sex being about performance, pressure, or expectation, therapy helps you define what you want sex to mean. Perhaps it’s connection, pleasure, playfulness or safety or a combination. You get to rewrite the script.

What to Expect in Sex Therapy

You don’t have to show up with all the answers. You don’t need to be in crisis. You just need to be willing to be curious and honest with yourself and your therapist.

We’ll create a space that’s affirming, nonjudgmental, and tailored to you. Some clients come for individual therapy; others come as a couple. Either way, therapy is always consent-based, collaborative, and deeply respectful of where you are in your journey.

We often hear clients say things like:

“I wish I’d started this sooner.”
“I am so relieved I found you to help us.”
“I thought I was broken, but I just needed someone to help me understand what was really going on.”

You’re not broken. You’re human. And you don’t have to figure this out alone.

Sex Therapy in Chicago

At Embrace Sexual Wellness, we offer specialized comprehensive care in sex therapy that targets your goals. While we are based in Chicago, Illinois, we’re also licensed to support clients in Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, and Louisiana. Whether you're local or working with us virtually, you’ll receive compassionate, expert care grounded in science and rooted in human connection.

TLDR

Sexual performance anxiety can make intimacy feel like a test you’re always failing, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Therapy can help you understand your anxiety, shift your mindset, reconnect with your body, and build a sex life that actually feels good for you and your partner. You don’t need to power through, shut down, or pretend everything’s fine. You can talk about it. You can work on it and find new strategies to approach intimacy with more ease.

Is Your Porn Use Affecting Your Mental Health?