10 Pleasure Devices from Sex-Positive, Feminist Brands to Put on Your Holiday Wish List

Sex toy sales have risen significantly since the outbreak of the Coronavirus pandemic. The holidays are quickly approaching and it can be difficult to decide what you want to put on your holiday list. Looking for some inspiration? We’ve got you covered. Treat yourself to a pleasure device this year from one of these sex positive brands. 

*We are not receiving a commission for any of these products. They have been researched by our staff and we have not received any incentives from these companies.* 

Brand #1: Woo More Play

3 Reasons Why We Love Woo More Play

• They believe that we deserve great sex, and we happen to agree. 

• Their products are as natural as possible by using only organic ingredients, as fun as possible, and are tested as much as possible. 

• Their products are cruelty free, which means they are not tested on animals.

Their vibrator "i cum first" is designed to pleasure people with vulvas. It has 5 speeds and it is both portable and chargeable! It has curves that contour across the labia majora, labia minora, and clitoris for external stimulation. But it can also be used internally for g-spot stimulation. 

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Brand #2: Dame

3 Reasons Why We Love Dame

• They are passionate about closing the pleasure gap (a.k.a., the disparity in sexual satisfaction between people with vulvas compared to people with penises). 

• All of their silicone is medical-grade.

• Their toys are made with safe, ethical, and environmentally-friendly practices. 

Their most popular vibrator is the "Eva II", a hands-free vibrator that provides clitoral stimulation. It can be used solo or with a partner. It is waterproof and has 3 speeds. Eva’s wings nestle under the labia for a secure, comfortable fit. 

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Brand #3: Je Joue

3 Reasons Why We Love Je Joue

• Je Joue, directly translated from French, means “I play” and Je Joue believes that play is an extremely important part of a healthy sex life. 

• They advocate for self-love and the introduction to new experiences to people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. 

• They also focus on sex positivity, which they define as “having a progressive and non-judgmental attitude towards sex and sexuality.”

One of their best sellers is the "Mimi soft clitoral vibrator" which has 5 speeds and 7 powerful patterns. It is also rechargeable and waterproof. 

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Brand #4: Chakrubs

3 Reasons Why We Love Chakrubs

• Chakrubs are sex toys handmade from natural crystals. According to Chakrubs, crystals have perfect molecular structures that have positive effects on our electro-magnetic fields.

• When our energenity bodies are at ease, we are at ease, we are open to healing, peace, love, and all of life’s pleasures.

• Chakrubs confidently assures their customers that their labor practices are legal and ethical. They also make regular donations to a number of organizations in an effort to minimize their environmental impact.

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Brand #5: Ohnut

3 Reasons Why We Love Ohnut

• Ohnut is an intimate wearable that can help manage and potentially reduce pain during penetrative sex by allowing vulva owners to customize the depth of penetration.

• Ohnut believes that the bedroom can be a place of joy, even if you have struggled in the past. They have partnered with renowned sexual medicine clinicians, holistic practitioners, and other like minded professionals to create this product. 

• Ohnut is made from an FDA approved body and skin safe polymer blend. It is a thermo-set material that is free of BPA, phthalate, and latex. 

Ohnut is worn externally at the base of a penetrating partner (on the shaft of a penis or dildo). Each set comes with 4 linking rings, so you can discover what feels good for each partner. 

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Brand #6: b-Vibe

3 Reasons Why We Love b-Vibe

• They are a result of years of research. Each b-Vibe product utilizes innovative design tactics to address specific, often unaddressed, sources of anal pleasure. 

• Their core mission is to empower exploration through education. They also promote inclusivity and informed play.

• Their website offers a range of guides for those new to anal pleasure and for those who are more advanced.

The Rimming Plug Petite is the perfect toy for those experienced with anal play or those looking to get started. It has been cited by many publications as the best anal sex toy for all. The toy is made from 100% body-safe silicone, is rechargeable, and has a wireless remote control that works up to 30 feet away.

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Brand #7: Lioness

3 Reasons Why We Love Lioness

• Lioness is an advanced vibrator that connects to a mobile app to help visualize arousal and orgasms. 

• Their women-led engineering team has worked to craft a vibrator and app that allows those using it to understand how your body responds to climax in order to make climax more enjoyable. 

• Lioness is made out of 100% medical-grade silicone that is phthalate-free and non-porous. 

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Brand #8: Buck Angel

3 Reasons Why We Love Buck Angel

• Buck Angel shares an empowering message of self-acceptance and is on a mission to encourage everyone to be comfortable in their own skin. He is a FTM trans person and wants to help others like him to live their lives authentically. 

• Buck aims to inspire people to redefine gender and foster a new generation as they discover the fluidity of sexuality and navigate gender politics. 

• He proclaims that it is not what is between your legs that defines you, but how you feel and identify. 

The Buck-Off stroker is the first product designed specifically for trans men to engage in stroking fun. It allows them to “jack-off”. It is made with Perfect Fit’s ultra-soft SilaSkin. Buck Off won Most Innovate Toy for 2017 and is the first sexual wellness product designed for trans men by a trans man!

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Brand #9: Biird

3 Reasons Why We Love Biird

• Their mission is to dispel the taboo messages surrounding sex toys and other products designed to make you feel good. They recently launched a petition highlighting how the current policies around adult content are inconsistent, damaging, and biased against women and other marginalized communities. They hope to challenge social media platforms and their discriminatory policies. 

• They believe that well-designed pleasure should be available to all, not just people “in the know” or with tons of money to spare. 

• It doesn’t look like your typical sex toy. It can be used as decoration by sitting on the charger and becoming a lamp. Plus, it is whisper quiet!

Their Obii clitoral massager with suction and vibration modes combines suction sensations with powerful vibrations. It is made out of silky-smooth and squishy body-safe silicone. Major perk! It is whisper quiet.  

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Brand #10: Le Wand

3 Reasons Why We Love Le Wand

• Le Wand is woman-founded and strives to bring unparalleled quality to an industry that is not always transparent.

• Their toys are designed with pleasure in mind for all bodies.

• They believe that everyone has a right to experience pleasure, to feel good about their sexuality, and to love their body.

Their best seller is the Le Wand Rechargeable Vibrating Massager. It is the winner of Cosmopolitan’s Sexcellence Award for “Most Powerful Sex Toy”. With 10 speeds and 20 vibration patterns, the toy is guaranteed to deliver intense and sensual pleasure.

9 Myths You Missed in Sex Ed Class

No matter where and when you got your sex education, you likely heard some incorrect information, whether it be from friends, parents, pop culture, the media, or formal education. If you learned false information about sex, we are here to help. 

Generalizations are often made leaving some to feel confused or harmed by the information given to them. Today on the Embrace Sexual Wellness blog, we will be debunking some of the myths you may have learned about sex. 

Myth #1: Orgasm is the be-all-and-end-all of sex

Having an orgasm can be a wonderful sensation, but it does not have to be the goal of all sexual interactions. Sex is so much more than the moment of orgasm. It is about pleasure and connection with your partner(s). Consider this, what would it be like if you thought about sexual pleasure as a journey and not a destination?

Thinking about orgasm as the goal of sex can also lead to increased stress, not pleasure. According to a study published in Hippokratia, when one feels pressure to perform sexually, their body activates its sympathetic nervous system, which results in the increased production of stress hormones, such as epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol. These hormones increase blood pressure levels and reduce blood flow to the genitals, which can lead to sexual functioning problems (e.g., decreased sensation in the vulva, erectile dysfunction, inhibited arousal), as well as a more stressful sexual dynamic between partners.

Orgasms are not a given in all sexual interactions and this pressure to perform can lead to added stress. A 2020 study in Current Sexual Health Reports notes that the orgasm gap still exists. The orgasm gap is the phenomenon that in heterosexual relationships, male partners orgasm at higher rates than their female counterparts. Furthermore, the experience of orgasm can be limiting. A theory in an article published in Current Sexual Health Reports states that those with penises are more likely to reach orgasm since they are taught from a young age that it is okay to explore their bodies more than those with vulvas. Additionally, the research suggests that the cultural prioritization of penile-vaginal intercourse over more clitorally focused sexual activities is linked to the orgasm gap.  

Furthermore, an article in Healthline emphasizes the importance of pleasure during sex aside from an orgasm. The article also notes that when focusing on achieving orgasm alone, safety, well-being, respect, and connection are neglected. 

TLDR: Orgasms are wonderful, but they are not the be-all-and-end-all.

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Myth #2: Sex = vaginal penetration 

The heteronormative idea that sex is simply vaginal penetration is incorrect. According to Teen Health Source, a Planned Parenthood Canadian-run sexual health information service for teens, the definition of sex is flexible. Being sexual means different things to different people, and only you get to decide how you define being sexual. Sex can include a range of activities that feel sexual and pleasurable to you.

Research inspired by Alfred Kinsey that was published in PLOS ONE, indicates that there are many common sexual behaviors including but not limited to vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, sending and receiving nude images, and masturbation. Assuming that sex is only vaginal penetration is exclusionary to those who do not have vaginal sex, or cannot for health reasons. By expanding our definitions of sex, we can make sex more inclusive to people across all identities. 

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Myth #3: A person with a vulva pops their cherry when they have sex for the first time

Did you ever hear the phrase “popping one’s cherry”? The phrase popping your cherry tends to apply to the belief that an intact hymen is an indicator if someone with a vulva has engaged in vaginal intercourse. According to an article in Women’s Health Magazine, many still believe that an intact hymen is a sign of purity. Well, guess what? Popping one’s cherry is not an accurate phrase in determining if someone has engaged in vaginal intercourse or is “pure”.

The hymen is a membrane that lines the opening of the vagina and varies in its size and shape. According to Medical News Today, many people with vulvas do not experience tearing of the hymen during sexual intercourse and sometimes hymens are torn during other non-sexual physical activities, such as horseback riding, riding bicycles, gymnastics, and inserting tampons. In fact, according to a study published in the North American Society for Pediatric and Adolescent Gynecology, some people with vaginas do not have hymen to begin with which means that they never will “pop their cherry”. 

A person does not “pop their cherry” and a “popped cherry” does not mean a person is no longer pure. There has never been validity to these messages.

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Myth #4: Virginity is an accurate concept (CW: Sexual Violence and Racism)

In her book Virgin: The Untouched History, Hanne Blank, shares that humans have constructed the idea of virginity. This concept, that almost always focuses on females in heterosexual sexual encounters, has been used as an exploitative force for political and cultural forces. In fact, in the Renaissance and Medieval periods, western virginity was symbolized by whiteness and nonwhite people were viewed as sexually immoral. European colonizers also used the concept of virginity to sexually abuse Black women. A 2016 article published in Black & Gold, discusses how Black women were hyper sexualized by white men in order to justify raping and dehumanizing them. The idea of virginity was critical in this historical narrative to justify that white women were pure while Black women were viewed as impure.

The concept of virginity is problematic because it teaches women that their virginity (a.k.a. their sexual behavior) is a commodity for men. Women are often shamed for being sexual, a.k.a. “losing their virginity”, while men are praised for doing so. This sexist ideology that it is okay for men to have sex, but not for women can lead to slut-shaming.  

Virginity is important to some people who choose to engage in abstinence (often defined as waiting to have sex until marriage) or secondary abstinence (waiting to have sex until marriage after having sex prior). According to a study published in Sexuality & Culture, secondary virginity is based on the social construction of gendered sexuality and heterosexuality. This idea of secondary virginity is often infused with conservative Christian ideology, but for some, it is simply a method to protect against pregnancy and STIs. For others, it is a commitment to wait until they are emotionally connected to someone, in some cases waiting to have sex until marriage. 

The term ‘virgin’ is typically used to describe a person who has never had sex, but this is also challenging since the definition of sex is ambiguous. According to Planned Parenthood, the concept of virginity is inaccurate because everyone defines sex differently and the term is not helpful in determining if someone was sexually active or not. Only you can decide if you are a virgin, but it doesn’t need to matter or hold value unless you want it to. Sexuality professionals recommend using less loaded terms such as ‘sexual debut’ or ‘first sexual encounter’. According to Healthline, this myth of virginity can impact the way we think about sex and our expectations for sex in the first place. The concept of virginity as we know it assumes that one is losing something when they have sex for the first time, putting a negative connotation on sex.

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Myth #5: The words vulva and vagina are interchangeable

This is something a lot of people misunderstand, including people with vulvas. Planned Parenthood defines the vulva as the part of the genitals on the outside of the body of those who were assigned female at birth. The vagina, however, is a canal that connects one’s vulva with their cervix and uterus. It’s the portal to which babies and menstrual blood leave the body. Vaginas are one part of the vulva, which is the larger structure.

Source: Planned Parenthood

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Myth #6: People with disabilities and chronic illnesses cannot have sex

People with disabilities and chronic illnesses are sexual beings. The myth that they cannot have sex or are not sexual largely stems from ableism. Our Bodies, Ourselves, an organization that empowers women with information about health, sexuality and reproduction, debunks this myth that those with chronic illness and disabilities are uninterested in sex, unable to have sex, or are undesirable. In fact, they indicate that some women with chronic illness, such as fibromyalgia, find that direct genital stimulation can help block the pain that they are feeling. They also note that medical establishments need to recognize that people with chronic illness and disabilities want to be seen as sexual beings. A study published in American Family Physician specifies that this assumption can be harmful to those with disabilities and chronic illnesses, as it can cause them to become uninterested in sex because of misconceptions about their ability to have sex, as well as other factors, such as depression, fatigue, pain and stress.

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Myth #7: Sex ends with ejaculation

Absolutely not! Sexual interactions are about the pleasure of all parties involved. It is important to communicate with your partner(s) about when you are ready for sex to be over. Partnered sex is about communal pleasure. Unless you are engaging in a specific BDSM scene where one person’s pleasure is prioritized over another, such as in a M/S dynamic, and it has been decided beforehand, everyone’s pleasure should be prioritized.  

Pleasure is the cornerstone of sexual wellbeing. Ejaculation is not. All bodies are different and not all bodies will always ejaculate during sex. Everyone’s pleasure is important! 

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Myth #8: The pullout method is an effective way to prevent pregnancy

This myth is one that affects people who are engaging in penile-vaginal intercourse, which is not reflective of all sexual interactions. The pullout method is a method of birth control where the partner with a penis removes their penis from the vagina before ejaculation occurs. Some may believe that the pullout method is a reliable and effective method of birth control, when in fact it is not. According to Planned Parenthood, the pullout method, also known as withdrawal, is only 78% effective when used alone. Furthermore, the pullout method does not work to protect against STIs. Barrier methods such as internal and external condoms and dental dams are safer methods that can effectively prevent pregnancy and the transmission of STIs and HIV.

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Myth #9: Kink is shameful

Kink is not shameful. It is actually extremely common. An article published in Haworth Press reveals that up to 14% of American men and 11% of American women report having engaged in some form of BDSM. The Kink Clinical Practice Guidelines also state that approximately 45-60% of the population experience fantasies related to dominance and/or submission. By understanding how common kink is, we can begin to break down the stigma surrounding kink and those that practice it. 

Kink is also not a monolith. When shaming the world of kink, many are shaming a concept, rather than an act. There are multiple ways to engage in kink, such as bondage, dominance, masochism, submission, and role play, and none of them are shameful. Give this Glamour article a read to learn more about kinks and fetishes in A to Z format.

Research published in the Journal of Sex Medicine suggests that people who practice kink have a desire to engage in discussions with their health care providers about their health without fear of being judged for their sexual desires. The more that kink is societally stigmatized, the more harmful it can be to those engaging in kink.

TLDR: Kink is not shameful and Kinksters should not be stigmatized. A kink is simply a form of sexual desire or behavior. 

Takeaway

While these are not the only myths and misconceptions about sex, these are some of the common ones we have heard frequently. It is always good to do your research before believing something new about sex, or anything for that matter. There is so much false information, and we are here to help. Some things you can do when encountering new information about sex include: consider the source of the information, research the information yourself and look for empirical evidence that supports or disproves it, and talk with professionals about why said information is fact versus opinion.

Remember, sexuality education is a lifelong journey. Looking for more resources to continue learning? Visit our resources page here to learn more. 

5 Ways to Spice Up Your Halloween During a Pandemic

Halloween is going to look different this year… and it is extremely important for us to keep each other safe. 

Consider These Lower Risk Activities to Keep Your Holiday Fun and Safe:

1 . Carve or decorate pumpkins (and turn it into a contest!).

Get together safely with your quarantine crew to carve and decorate pumpkins. 

2. Decorate your living space to get into the Halloween spirit.

If you don’t feel safe meeting up with friends or neighbors, that is totally valid! Whether you are immunocompromised or just don’t want to leave your house this is a lower-risk activity. Find some fun decorations and just go with your own creative vision. You can even decorate while listening to some fun Halloween themed music!

3. Have a virtual Halloween costume contest over your favorite video platform.
Get together with your friends over Zoom, Google Meet, or whatever platform you enjoy most and have a virtual costume contest. Not only will this give you an opportunity to get dressed up, but you will be able to connect with your friends, wherever they may be. 

4. Watch a Halloween themed movie with your household or with friends over Zoom or Netflix Party. 
Watching a movie can be a wonderful activity to do safely. Pick a movie and take it from there! If you are living alone or would rather watch with others you can screen share over Zoom or if you have Netflix, download the Google Chrome extension “Netflix Party” which allows you to watch movies with your friends. 

5. Decorate cloth masks. 

Buy some cloth face masks and paint them! You can choose to decorate them to go with your costume or just decorate them for the winter.

To find more information about staying safe this Halloween, go to the CDC’s Website.