Discussing Your STI Status and Practicing Safer Sex

STIs, also known as sexually transmitted infections, are important to be aware of whether you are sexually active or not. More than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide, yet there remains a stigma surrounding them and those that have them.  But shame can be reduced by learning the facts. Few STIs are life-threatening and most are treatable. Having an STI doesn’t mean that you are a ‘dirty’ person and is no different than contracting another type of infection, such as a sinus infection. Using the term ‘dirty’ is stigmatizing and hurtful. When we use the terms ‘clean’ and ‘dirty’ to describe sexual health we are implying that people with STIs are not healthy or moral people, which is not accurate and evokes shame. These terms are damaging to those who have STIs because it can make them feel as if there is something wrong with them.

Discuss Your STI Status Before You Have Sex

It can be difficult to talk to your partner about STIs, but it is an important conversation to have. Before having sex with a new partner it’s important to have a conversation about your STI status and expectations for getting tested. Even if you are using protection, such as condoms, that protect against STIs, you should regularly get tested to make sure that you are aware of your STI status. It is also critical to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to expectations for testing and safer sex practices.

It may make you more comfortable to have this conversation in a safe and private space. Make sure that you are alone and in a place where you feel comfortable to discuss private information. If you are having trouble beginning the conversation, that is okay. Some things you can ask about are your partner’s sexual history, if they typically have sex with or without protection, what barrier methods they are open to using (e.g, internal condoms, external condoms, dental dams), when was the last time they got tested and what those results were, and if they have ever had an STI before. 

Develop Healthy Sex Practices

It is important to be open with your partner about what methods you will use to prevent STI transmission during sex. Creating an agreement is critical when beginning sex with a new partner so that you are on the same page about your expectations. Continue your dialogue about STI testing and status and make it clear that you want to engage in safer sex practices to protect against the transmisison of STIs. 

To start off these conversations it can be helpful to let your partner know that you will be able to enjoy sex more if you know that you are in agreement about your sexual practices. Do you expect you or your partner to always wear a condom or use barriers like dental dams? Asking questions like these allow for you and your partner to create a clear plan together. If you are okay with them having sex with other people make it clear. It is important to be open about expectations if you and your partner are going to be sexually monogamous or not.

Get Tested

The most important thing you can do after having an open conversation with your partner is to get tested. The CDC has extensive recommendations for how often you should get tested based on gender identity, sexual orientation, and number of sexual partners. However, it is recommended that you get tested with each new partner so that there is total transparency. Many are unaware of the “window period”, the time it takes for an STI test to read as positive after it is transmitted. While some STIs only take a week to show up in a test, others may take up to four months.

Find a Testing Site Near You

STI and Sexual Health Hotlines

Lower-risk activities

If you or your partner has an STI, or if you are not comfortable having sex right away, Planned Parenthood has a comprehensive list of lower-risk activities to be sexually intimate with another person. Some of these activities include outercourse, all sexual acts other than vaginal intercourse, and mutual masturbation, but for a comprehensive list, visit Planned Parenthood’s website.  

Remember that having an STI is nothing to be ashamed of. The best thing you can do is to encourage an open dialogue with each new partner and get tested regularly. There are a variety of options available for those who have an STI. There are treatments such as antibiotics and antiviral drugs that can help with symptoms and in some cases get rid of the infection. If you test positive for an STI remember that you are not alone. There are many resources to help you manage the outbreak.

The Danger of Gender Reveal Parties

The term “gender reveal party” has recently been trending due to an uncontrolled California wildfire caused by one of these events. Many are now wondering if we should even be having these parties at all. Here are some of the dangers of gender reveal parties. 

What you are revealing is the child’s assigned sex, not their gender

Just the name of gender reveal parties are inaccurate. Gender and sex are often used interchangeably, when in fact they have different meanings. Gender is the socially constructed set of roles and behaviors that influence how we identify ourselves and others. Gender identity is fluid, meaning that there are gender identities that do not fit into our preconceived notions of woman and man, such as non-binary,  genderqueer, two-spirit, and more. Sex assigned at birth, on the other hand, refers to the biological makeup of a person. Sex assigned at birth refers to a combination of chromosomes, genitalia, internal reproductive organs, sex hormones, gametes, and secondary sex characteristics. While sex assigned at birth can be determined before and during birth, gender cannot. 

They place children within the binary

These parties do not only misrepresent what gender is, but they place children in the gender binary before they are born. When we place children in the binary, we don’t only take away much of their ability to grow and explore their own gender identity, but we teach them that the binary is the norm. But the binary is not the norm anymore. A 2017 study reported that 0.73% of American teenagers self-identify as transgender nationwide. About 25-35% of those that are transgender identify as non-binary, meaning that they do not identify with either gender. 

If we begin to go beyond the binary, we can give our future children the ability to decide how they want to express themselves and identify. Parents can give their children a diversity of choices and opportunities to develop their gender identity. Rather than giving children who are assigned female at birth “feminine” toys, provide them with a range of toys to play with so that they can see what they enjoy for themselves. Not all “girls” like dolls and not all “boys” like sports. And maybe your child isn’t a girl or a boy, and that is okay. But give your children room to grow on their own. 

They perpetuate gender stereotypes 

Parents should let their children discover who they are without projecting their stereotypes of gender onto them. The blue or pink at a gender reveal represents more than assigned sex, it represents a childhood of constant stereotyping. When a parent reveals the assigned sex of their child, what follows is often a flood of gifts and advice relating to the child’s perceived gender. Like the toy example, gifts and advice are harmful because they assume that there are correct interests and life paths for a child based on their assigned sex. 

This leads to concepts such as the tomboy identity, culturally defined as a “girl” who acts like a “boy”. But why even have these stereotypes? Interests and behaviors should not be gendered, and by beginning to gender interests and behaviors before a child is born, parents perpetuate these gendered stereotypes that can be harmful to children trying to navigate their own identities. 

They are physically dangerous

Not only are these parties dangerous socially and culturally, but they are also dangerous physically. Last week, a family in California set off a “smoke-generating pyrotechnic device” which caused an ongoing fire in the California wilderness. This fire has continued to spread uncontrollably and California skies have turned orange due to the fire. This phenomenon of gender reveals causing physical injuries is not new, methods for the “big reveal” of a child’s assigned sex have caused physical injuries and disasters on many occasions. 

This isn’t to say that we should cancel parties honoring a future child. However, we should be careful about the language that we are using and refrain from defaulting to societal norms surrounding stereotypes and the idea of the binary.  

What You Need to Know Before Your First Telehealth Therapy Appointment

Many people around the world have become social-distancing pros in the past few months, working remotely and interacting with loved ones digitally. The practice of individual and relationship psychotherapy has followed suit, as many providers have transitioned to offering sessions via Telehealth. But, what if you’ve never been to a tele-therapy appointment before? Don’t fret, we’re here to help with some tips for beginning tele-therapy during the pandemic.

Clear Your Schedule

Pretend like you are in a therapist's office for the entire hour. Tell your coworkers, roommates, neighbors you are unavailable or block your calendar for that hour. You’ll want to dedicate the entire time toward focusing on the session. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” or turn it off completely. If you live with someone else and your walls are thin, ask them to wear headphones during that session, so you can speak freely without feeling like your privacy is being compromised. Imagine you are in the therapist’s office and direct your entire focus to the therapy appointment (we realize for some, this is easier said than done).

Set Up Your Virtual Therapy Office

If you’re going to be talking a lot, you’ll probably want a glass of water on hand. Emotions tend to arise during therapy, so make sure tissues are available and a trash can to dispose of them. Keep a notepad to take notes, if that’s your thing. You’re going to be occupied for an hour, so it’s best to use the toilet before your session to avoid interruptions. If you feel more focused when wearing trousers instead of sweats, plan accordingly before your session. The more present you are, the more you’ll likely get out of your session!

Ease Into It

Give yourself five minutes before to settle in and really think about what you want to accomplish during this session. Prioritize which topics are most important and what you have been working on. It can be helpful to make a written or mental itinerary for how you want to organize the session. When finished, give yourself another 5 minutes to process before you transition to what you have going on during the remainder of your day.

Limit Distractions

We know it’s hard, but try to avoid inviting your pets to therapy, especially if you’ll be tempted not to keep your eyes off of them. While they may provide emotional support, you’ll want to stay focused on what is happening in your session. Take the same approach with children, if possible. Ask a co-parent or caregiver to watch your children during your session to help you stay focused. Refrain from eating or consuming alcohol during your session. A good rule of thumb to follow: If you would not do it in a therapist's office, do not do it during your teletherapy appointment.

Teletherapy has never been more accessible than it is now, during the Covid-19 pandemic. Take advantage of these new opportunities and make an appointment today with us (hello Illinois residents) or some of the other qualified clinicians in your area!