The Danger of Gender Reveal Parties

The term “gender reveal party” has recently been trending due to an uncontrolled California wildfire caused by one of these events. Many are now wondering if we should even be having these parties at all. Here are some of the dangers of gender reveal parties. 

What you are revealing is the child’s assigned sex, not their gender

Just the name of gender reveal parties are inaccurate. Gender and sex are often used interchangeably, when in fact they have different meanings. Gender is the socially constructed set of roles and behaviors that influence how we identify ourselves and others. Gender identity is fluid, meaning that there are gender identities that do not fit into our preconceived notions of woman and man, such as non-binary,  genderqueer, two-spirit, and more. Sex assigned at birth, on the other hand, refers to the biological makeup of a person. Sex assigned at birth refers to a combination of chromosomes, genitalia, internal reproductive organs, sex hormones, gametes, and secondary sex characteristics. While sex assigned at birth can be determined before and during birth, gender cannot. 

They place children within the binary

These parties do not only misrepresent what gender is, but they place children in the gender binary before they are born. When we place children in the binary, we don’t only take away much of their ability to grow and explore their own gender identity, but we teach them that the binary is the norm. But the binary is not the norm anymore. A 2017 study reported that 0.73% of American teenagers self-identify as transgender nationwide. About 25-35% of those that are transgender identify as non-binary, meaning that they do not identify with either gender. 

If we begin to go beyond the binary, we can give our future children the ability to decide how they want to express themselves and identify. Parents can give their children a diversity of choices and opportunities to develop their gender identity. Rather than giving children who are assigned female at birth “feminine” toys, provide them with a range of toys to play with so that they can see what they enjoy for themselves. Not all “girls” like dolls and not all “boys” like sports. And maybe your child isn’t a girl or a boy, and that is okay. But give your children room to grow on their own. 

They perpetuate gender stereotypes 

Parents should let their children discover who they are without projecting their stereotypes of gender onto them. The blue or pink at a gender reveal represents more than assigned sex, it represents a childhood of constant stereotyping. When a parent reveals the assigned sex of their child, what follows is often a flood of gifts and advice relating to the child’s perceived gender. Like the toy example, gifts and advice are harmful because they assume that there are correct interests and life paths for a child based on their assigned sex. 

This leads to concepts such as the tomboy identity, culturally defined as a “girl” who acts like a “boy”. But why even have these stereotypes? Interests and behaviors should not be gendered, and by beginning to gender interests and behaviors before a child is born, parents perpetuate these gendered stereotypes that can be harmful to children trying to navigate their own identities. 

They are physically dangerous

Not only are these parties dangerous socially and culturally, but they are also dangerous physically. Last week, a family in California set off a “smoke-generating pyrotechnic device” which caused an ongoing fire in the California wilderness. This fire has continued to spread uncontrollably and California skies have turned orange due to the fire. This phenomenon of gender reveals causing physical injuries is not new, methods for the “big reveal” of a child’s assigned sex have caused physical injuries and disasters on many occasions. 

This isn’t to say that we should cancel parties honoring a future child. However, we should be careful about the language that we are using and refrain from defaulting to societal norms surrounding stereotypes and the idea of the binary.  

What You Need to Know Before Your First Telehealth Therapy Appointment

Many people around the world have become social-distancing pros in the past few months, working remotely and interacting with loved ones digitally. The practice of individual and relationship psychotherapy has followed suit, as many providers have transitioned to offering sessions via Telehealth. But, what if you’ve never been to a tele-therapy appointment before? Don’t fret, we’re here to help with some tips for beginning tele-therapy during the pandemic.

Clear Your Schedule

Pretend like you are in a therapist's office for the entire hour. Tell your coworkers, roommates, neighbors you are unavailable or block your calendar for that hour. You’ll want to dedicate the entire time toward focusing on the session. Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” or turn it off completely. If you live with someone else and your walls are thin, ask them to wear headphones during that session, so you can speak freely without feeling like your privacy is being compromised. Imagine you are in the therapist’s office and direct your entire focus to the therapy appointment (we realize for some, this is easier said than done).

Set Up Your Virtual Therapy Office

If you’re going to be talking a lot, you’ll probably want a glass of water on hand. Emotions tend to arise during therapy, so make sure tissues are available and a trash can to dispose of them. Keep a notepad to take notes, if that’s your thing. You’re going to be occupied for an hour, so it’s best to use the toilet before your session to avoid interruptions. If you feel more focused when wearing trousers instead of sweats, plan accordingly before your session. The more present you are, the more you’ll likely get out of your session!

Ease Into It

Give yourself five minutes before to settle in and really think about what you want to accomplish during this session. Prioritize which topics are most important and what you have been working on. It can be helpful to make a written or mental itinerary for how you want to organize the session. When finished, give yourself another 5 minutes to process before you transition to what you have going on during the remainder of your day.

Limit Distractions

We know it’s hard, but try to avoid inviting your pets to therapy, especially if you’ll be tempted not to keep your eyes off of them. While they may provide emotional support, you’ll want to stay focused on what is happening in your session. Take the same approach with children, if possible. Ask a co-parent or caregiver to watch your children during your session to help you stay focused. Refrain from eating or consuming alcohol during your session. A good rule of thumb to follow: If you would not do it in a therapist's office, do not do it during your teletherapy appointment.

Teletherapy has never been more accessible than it is now, during the Covid-19 pandemic. Take advantage of these new opportunities and make an appointment today with us (hello Illinois residents) or some of the other qualified clinicians in your area!  

How to Celebrate Pride Month All Year

June is unofficially known as Pride Month all over the world. Parades, demonstrations, educational seminars, and celebrations of the LGBTQIA community take place in most major cities as a chance to show pride. While the movement has been building for centuries, a turning point took place on June 28, 1969 at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar located in the West Village of New York City. After the authorities raided the bar and physically abused LGBTQIA+ patrons, riots took place on the street. This was the impetus to begin pride marches all over the country, which served as a watershed moment of the LGBTQIA+ rights movement. While this year may look much different, with marches all over the world being postponed due to concerns of the COVID-19 pandemic, Pride Month lives on. 

Wondering how to celebrate Pride Month? Here are a few quarantine-approved ways to celebrate pride!  

Honor LGBTQIA+ Pioneers 

Sylvia Rivera was credited with throwing the first brick at The Stonewall Inn while resisting arrest. Barbara Gittings fought to remove the title of “disorder” from homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association. Harvey Milk was the most notable openly gay man to be elected to public office. The Gay Rights Movement has no shortage of heroes along the way. Become educated with their inspiring beginning and, even, some of their tragic outcomes. Understand the sacrifices these brave pioneers made in order to advance LGBTQIA+ rights and promote acceptance and diversity in the world. See them in the same light as other national and global heroes.

Be an Active Ally

Being an ally requires more than just “accepting” the LGBTQIA+ community. According to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), some of the best ways to be an ally include: listening to others’ experiences, letting people in your life know that homophobic/biphobic/transphobic jokes are offensive, standing up for your LGBTQIA+ friends and colleagues if they are being bullied or discriminated against, and to stop assuming everyone you meet identifies as straight. Allyship is not only literary -- it is action-oriented and requires folx to consistently show up and affirm people’s identities that are different from their own. Being a true ally means intentionally and unapologetically supporting the LGBTQIA+ community.

Be An Allied Consumer

Support LGBTQIA+ owned businesses and make contributions to allied organizations. A directory of businesses can be found here, including fashion designers, jewelers, and makeup artists. Another way to be an allied consumer is to support businesses that actively practice allyship through their mission and partnerships. Brands such as Nike, Reebok, Target and Uggs have all made contributions or participated in LGBTQIA+ initiatives this year.

Keep the Pride Alive

Pride month may only be 30 days, but LGBTQIA+ pride lasts for 365 days. Keep learning, keep growing, keep donating to incredible organizations supporting the LGBTQIA+ community. Some of our favorites are the National Center for Transgender Equality, Equality Federation, and The Trevor Project. Looking for additional resources about where to contribute? Checkout this list. And, as always, visit our Instagram page for more information on how to continue supporting the LGBTQIA+ community year round.